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Infertility is often described as a problem of the person or the couple, but what about the other members of the family who are also affected by those who aren't here after a loss or those who haven't been created with infertility? There are grandparents waiting for a grandchild, siblings waiting for aunthood, and children waiting for siblings--and they're blogging about it.
Blogging once removed affords the person both a unique perspective as well as filling in another dimension of the story. It may be the woman with her feet in the stirrups or the man enduring a TESE, but there are often other players in the emotional side of the story. Blogging once removed can be a cathartic way to express the sadness you feel for the person in the center of the story, and it can also give readers who are helping someone through a health crisis feel less alone to find others in a similar position.
For example, there was a lovely piece on Open Salon last week from a new grandfather about his daughter's struggle with infertility and the birth of her son via IVF. After giving an overview of her experience, he explains:
So as much as I've longed to be a grandfather, and my wife has longed to be a grandmother, tomorrow is Daughter's Day. We're along for the ride, and the joy of our grandson, and for this father, this Mother's Day is special.
It is a lovely reminder of why we should let people into our journey if they are the sort who would naturally give support. There is a lot to be gained for letting people in during the process rather than waiting to tell them about infertility far down the road.
Additionally, Seastar had a blog called One Step Removed that she stopped writing recently after her daughter had another child. She started the blog to process the emotions she was feeling over her daughter's loss of her child, Mira. In her first post, Seastar explains how acutely the loss is felt during the Passover seder, and admits that, "I imagined how this seder would have been if Ruth had still been pregnant, abstaining from wine, showing - glowing. I kept wishing it was appropriate still to lean over and kiss her belly."
Equally poignant is when this mother expresses her gratitude that her daughter shared the pregnancy from the beginning, "and didn't try to protect themselves or anyone else from the possibility of having to grieve."
Similarly, Teddy Bear Tins is a blog written by the aunt of a boy, Aiden, who was born still. She pours her grief over the death of her brother's son not only into her blog, but into a project where she provides hospitals with tins for bereaved parents to put together a memory kit when they're leaving the hospital without their child.
The idea of blogging once removed is not unique to the infertility and loss community. Califmom writes beautifully about her husband's life and recent death from cancer. Squidalicious writes about her child's autism. My Wife Has Cancer recently stopped writing after his wife's death this spring, but the archives are still up.
What all of these blogs do is offer additional perspective, sometimes for a person who can't tell their own story and they can be a comfort for those in the same position of supporting another person through a health crisis.
Melissa writes Stirrup Queens and Lost and Found. Her book is Navigating the Land of If.
