It’s just that simple. Having an injury and being in pain really sucks. I know there are others out there that can relate to me and I am certain that there are others out there that are dealing with problems a lot worse than mine. But for my right now this is my issue and it sucks.
I was training to run the Vashon Island 50k, I was getting up in my miles and really feeling good. I was meeting with my personal trainer, I was pushing my body because I knew that if I was to run a 50K (31.1 miles) I needed to be comfortable with some pain. Well, I did it, I pushed myself too hard and now I can’t run, every time I take a stride when I try to run I have a shooting pain down my leg. I haven’t run for a month now. Those of you that are runners and enjoy running can relate to how much this sucks. Being able to throw on running shoes and head out the door on a beautiful sunny day is a lovely thing. Getting your endorphins pumping, pushing yourself, sweating and coming home feeling accomplished is an amazing feeling. When people ask me how I am feeling and if I am getting any better, if I am running any more, I almost start crying. I am grieving a loss. I know it could be worse, I know that there are others suffering more than I am and I should be lucky I have not had surgery, I can still walk, bike and swim (with some pain but not as bad as when I run) and as my physical therapist, yoga instructor, personal trainer and chiropractor have all told me, I will run again. My chiropractor actually told me that I had “unicorn syndrome” -- thinking that my body and abilities are magical. Now, is my time to heal and get better; as hard as it might be.
My other problem with this injury is that I get mad at myself and say I am stupid for pushing myself too hard, this is not a useful coping too. I am coming to terms what my good friend and yoga instructor has reminded, that I cannot beat myself up about this, I am not giving up on running, I am just dealing with what is happening right now. There is a difference between complacency and meeting myself where I am at. This is what is in front of me and I am doing what I need to do to fix it. I am working with all sorts of specialists to help me heal what I have injured. And the work that no physical therapist, chiropractor, personal trainer, acupuncturist, massage therapist, yoga instructor or doctor can help me with is being okay with what is and give myself some compassion for what happen instead of beating myself up even more. I have talked about this before, and it is something that I will continually work on for my whole life. But even more so when I have challenge like this to get through.
Until Next Time, kg