Insomnia in Fibromyalgia - shutting off the manic mind
I've had this problem for years and years. Insomnia and being unable to shut off my mind. I can't attribute it exclusively to fibromyalgia, as my insomnia has been decades-long, and in my particular case it hasn't got much to do with my fibro. It's just a coincidence that insomnia and/or sleep disorders are also part of fibro. Sort of a chicken and egg thing -- I don't know which came first. Perhaps the insomnia and sleep disorder caused the fibro. Who the hell knows? And at this point, after all these years, does it matter? I deal.
I don't think "bad thoughts" in the night, such as they talk about on mental health quizzes. In other words, it's not "I suck, I am so bad, I am so ugly, I am so fat, I want to die". In fact, I have a superiority complex, so for me, the bad thoughts about myself is a non-issue, because there are none. It's everybody else I have a problem with! I am "The Great I Am" in the middle of the night. I will solve everyone's problems, including yours, and the entire world's. Watch out world. My thoughts border on mania. Or maybe it's not bordering on at all. I suppose it is mania.
My To-Do list invades my middle-of-the-night, especially if I'm hormonal, and I can't stop thinking about how I am going to solve all of my problems, workplace issues, and then.... WORLD PEACE.
I do manage to fall asleep around dawn, and then, when I get up to start the day, I'm so exhausted, I can't even think about solving any problem other than feeding the family and going to work. Ugh.
I honestly thought it was just me. That I was alone in this curse (and the other curse of remembering everything, everything, everything -- but that's another topic altogether). But then I saw this funny cartoon on a fibromyalgia page on social media; and all the followers' comments that went with it; and I thought wow, it isn't just me. Nice to know I'm not so alone.
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By Kathy Benson