Instructions for a Homemade Boob Job
Step 1 Wrap one arm around rib cage. Drape previously perky tatas over forearm. Lift.
Step 2 With free hand point wayward nipples in forward facing direction.
Step 3 Once nipples are pointing in the right direction, use free hand to hold back double chin or loose neck flaps, and look down.
Step 4 Ignore their squashed, ready for a mammogram-like appearance.
Step 5 Reminisce how your rack used to stop traffic.
Step 5 Carefully release tatas, the velocity of their bounce is hazardous… wouldn’t want you to poke an eye out…imagine trying to explain how you got the pirate patch.
Step 6 Laugh Uproariously
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By Holli Long