In the lead up to beginning to try and conceive, I was so impatient to get started and time seemed to move So. Slowly. I was eager to just 'get on with it', even though I knew that a large part of trying to build a family on your own involved waiting, waiting, waiting.
When I changed course, one of my main fears is that the waiting that is inherently SO MUCH LONGER when trying to adopt would completely drive me bonkers. I tried to mentally prepare myself for a much longer time period to becoming a mum, thinking those efforts would most likely be futile and I would slowly disintegrate into a unstable place from all the waiting. I was told to make sure that I was really done with trying to conceive, because if I wasn't, it would be very easy to walk away from the adoption process and try to conceive again, because there can be at least a perception that there is more immediacy. You can often go month after month when you're trying to conceive (just like regualr people!) and there's always something that you need to be injecting yourself with, or a stick you need to be peeing on or a blood level that needs to be tested.
Over the last few months, it turns out that life has been getting up in my grill and I've been distracted from the researching, the overthinking, the overplanning and the rest of the control freakery that comes with trying to adopt and you're classic Type-A. Now things have settled down a bit, I've realised that being distracted has been a positive thing when it comes to the waiting. I know I have a long way to go, and many waiting paralysis moments are sure to come my way, but for now I am focused on trying to fill my days up with the Other, so I don't get submerged back in the adoption riptid. Balance, and all that.
I spotted this article the other day, which compiles a collection of comments from adoptive parents about what they would do differently if they were waiting again. I think this comment summarises the way I am feeling:
During the wait, I wish I had gone out to dinner with my husband more, spent more time with my best friend, worried less about not getting a referral, gone on a few vacations, exercised, and focused on living for the day, not for the future.
So I won't be going out to dinner with my non-existent husband more, but I am keen to stay in the present and live for the now, in an attempt to sustain and prepare myself for the tougher waiting moments ahead. I have a few ideas of activities I can undertake to help keep busy, but please feel free to suggest any others. I'm all ears.
- NaBloPoMo - fancy that! This is more about completing a challenge, or a few, rather than completing a gazillion blog posts, but something to keep me busy and focused every day
- Photography - really learn how to use my decent digital SLR and programming to memory the difference between the TV and the AV dial on the damn thing...if that's even the right acronyms.
- Say yes to more things - stop saying no to things because I am a ‘bit tired’, or my cat will be lonely if I don't go home or my PJ pants are more comfy than a dress and heels. Yes, they undeniably are, but I’d rather be slightly less comfy and busy and fabulous than super comfy and reading my 17th blog post on reactive attachment disorder.
- Declutter and get organised - this will be a long and ongoing project. Especially with my poor attention span and fade out routine. I have a LOT of stuff I need to organise, file, throw out etc. It will be something that I will also appreciate if and when I am placed.
I'm sure there are other fancy ideas that I've come up with, but I am tired so I will leave it at that for now.
Any other suggestions?