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Jean Winegardner, a.k.a. Stimey, is a mother to three boys, one of whom -- Jack -- has an autism diagnosis. She is empathetic, endlessly entertaining, and a fine writer. Many autism parenting bloggers identify with Jean, and feel about her the way the younger sister felt about Julia Roberts' character in the movie Notting Hill -- that she is destined to be Our Very Best Friend. Though Jean shares herself and her stories at DC Metro Moms Blog and Washington Times Communities as well as on her personal site Stimeyland, I know some of you want more. Read on.
You come across as exceptionally level-headed and positive for someone who mothers three little-ish boys. How do you do it? Does your offline persona match your online one?
What a lovely thing to say. I think that my positivity comes from one of my main philosophies of life: When I have a choice between laughing and crying, I always try to laugh. Although sometimes I do both.
When I look at my kids, I see three such amazing, wonderful little beings, that it is hard to be negative. They're all a lot of fun. Which is not to say that I don't have my moments when I lose it completely. But I think that any mom does.
My offline persona is similar to my online one, with the exception that online, I have the opportunity to edit out or embellish what I want -- something I don't get to do in real life. I'd have to say that writing online has actually really helped me be more comfortable with my true self. I've put myself out there online in an honest way and been accepted, which has helped me be more willing to do that in real life. But, yeah, what you see is kinda what you get. Although I think I'm funnier online than in real life. That's the benefit of writing about your life. You have the chance to publish the comebacks you were too slow to think about as it happened.
Quirky kids like ours often have slightly quirky parents, too. Do you think you fit that description? How? Does it help you identify with your son(s) at all?
Absolutely. I have often wondered where on the spectrum I fall, because I truly believe that I am on it. (But, really, who isn't, I guess.) My mom has told me that Jack reminds her of how I was as a child. I have vivid memories of my ways of being when I was younger (and still today) that are probably diagnosable here in 2010. I think that I have learned to compensate very well (better on some days than others), which gives me a lot of hope for Jack and other kids like him.
I do identify with Jack a lot. I see a lot of me in him, which I hope will help him confide in me and feel good about himself as he gets older. I see a lot of me in my other kids as well, for better or worse. I think that each of my kids are a little spectrum-y, and I think that makes us kind of a cool little unit. My poor husband though. I think the quirky might have skipped a generation in his case.
As a long-time science fiction fan, do you have a different take on Star Trek's constant "Spock and Data learn to be more human!!" story lines now that you parent a child on the autism spectrum?
That's interesting. I can honestly say that I've never really thought about that until right now. (I know. I'm observant.) I haven't really watched Star Trek since I've had kids, but I am definitely a geek. It's interesting, I suppose, that it was not necessarily the presence of emotions that made Spock "more human," but the expression of those emotions. Makes you think. I do know that parenting a child on the spectrum has changed the way I look at most of the world.
You have said that your son's autism/PDD diagnosis (and your littlest's possible PDD label) brought you relief, not devastation. Can you tell us more about that perspective?
I used to be terrified of autism. When my oldest was little, he used to carefully put his trains in the back of his big dump truck and scream and scream when they wouldn't all fit flat, and it scared the hell out of me. When we were interviewing
