Transcript of BlogHer podcast interview with Kelly Park

Megan Smith- Hello I am Megan Smith, TV and youtube editor for BlogHer and as part of BlogHer’s ongoing Letters to My Body campaign, today I will be speaking with reality TV show personality Kelly Park. As you may know, the BlogHer Letters to My Body campaign was developed to encourage women, specifically bloggers, to love their bodies and promote self confidence and realistic body perceptions. Kelly was featured in this season's premiere of Lifetime’s reality show about improving body image; “How to Look Good Naked”. Raised by a single mother, Kelly grew up in Philadelphia. By day, Kelly’s mom worked at a dry cleaner but by night she released her creativity performing guerilla-style theater anywhere she could, even in the parking lot of her local supermarket. Although her mom’s second life as a struggling actor taught Kelly to use comedy and creativity as a positive tool to combat life’s pressure that did not always work. In her adult life, Kelly lost a great deal of her positive attitudes about herself and her body. But after appearing on “How to Look Good Naked”, Kelly’s life changed for the better and she is here to tell us all about it. Thank you Kelly for taking the time to speak with me today.

Kelly Park- This is great.

Megan Smith- Good. I am glad you are with us. Let’s get down to our first question.

Kelly Park- Alright.

Megan Smith- How were you chosen to be on “How to Look Good Naked”? Had you ever seen the show before?

Kelly Park- I did see the show before and I admired it so much. I love Carson Kressley. I thought he was hilarious and he really just helped these incredible women and I saw a posting, actually near my job and I said this might work for me. This seems like something that I could do. I did not tell my husband or tell my family. I just walked in and auditioned and all of a sudden all of these things started to come out about who I was. About what I said about my body. Nobody has ever really asked me questions, very candid questions about what do I feel about my hips and my thighs and what don’t you like about your body. I guess a flood of emotions came through and I was at a point in my life where I was definitely ready for some change.

Megan Smith- At the beginning of the show, they show cameras coming into your office. What did they tell you? Why did you think the cameras were there?

Kelly Park- They told me they were going to interview some of the employees here and some people that are working with me. I said great and they said they wanted to ask them what you wear on a daily basis, which was Converse and jeans that did not fit and maternity shirts and I thought, wow, great, these people can kind of tell what my daily life and what my routine is. That is what exactly they said, we are going to see you routine, see what it is about.

Megan Smith- What did you think when Carson Kressley showed up in that Cinderella coach?

Kelly Park- I was absolutely floored. First of all, the coach was so, I felt like a black Cinderella, okay. The coach was so obnoxious and pink and a big white Clydsdale horse and it was absolutely amazing. They told me, you know, you will eventually get to meet Carson but it won’t be today and then when I came outside and Carson came, I thought, this is outrageous, what did I get myself into?

Megan Smith- Tell me a little bit more about how you felt about your body before you appeared on the show.

Kelly Park- Wow. Um, phew, that is a big question. For years I thought- really ugly. I almost, I used to tell my mom sometimes, she would tell me as she was getting older and stuff that she felt invisible and I said, God, I feel the same way and I am not 65 but I feel as though no one pays attention to me anymore because my breasts are kind of saggy and my waist is thick and my skin doesn’t look the best. I really felt misplaced and strange. I did not like who I was. I never looked in the mirror. I couldn’t stand what I saw.

Megan Smith- You were very candid in interviews on the show also. You said that you and your husband hadn’t slept in the same bedroom for several years. Tell me about that.

Kelly Park- It all started when I started, after I gave birth to my daughter Sidney and I noticed that the weight wouldn’t really leave and I had ebbs and flows of one month was better then the next month was not as good. I had no sex drive whatsoever. I did not feel sexy. I did not feel wanted. I did not fell desirable. I didn’t want him to see what I thought I was looking at. Honestly, it was like five years that it was just hands off. I didn’t want to be involved at all. And it was very damaging. It was very, very damaging. Wow. I just can’t believe that I went through that just because of what I thought my body looked like.

Megan Smith- That must have been a very difficult time for you.

Kelly Park- It was extremely difficult. Because I was running out of excuses. How many headaches can you get? You know. It was just ridiculous and I thought, that is why I auditioned for the show because I have to get something back. I have to return. Because Kelly is in here. That is what I kept thinking to myself.

Megan Smith- Well now, Carson shows up in the Cinderella coach and you are on the show. What did you think during the show when Carson asked you to strip down to your skivvies in that room completely filled with mirrors.

Kelly Park- I was completely horrified! It was horrifying! Because they told me, can you just make sure you underwear matches. I was like, I don’t have any matching underwear. I don’t shop for underwear like that. So I just picked out some black underwear and I thought, this man is going to have me take off my clothes and that was the most difficult part because I had to face my fear. I had to face that ugly. I had to face it and I trusted Carson and I have seen him on the show previously and I knew that if I could get through this that the journey wouldn’t be as hard and laborious. So, I did it. I took my clothes off and phew, I never, I was shaking. I was sweating. I just couldn’t believe that I was standing there acknowledging all this stuff that I had to talk about.

Megan Smith- That was very courageous.

Kelly Park- My mom watched the show and she could not, she's like I cannot believe that you took off all your clothes and I said but I had to get out of this valley. I am in this valley and I have to reach higher ground.

Megan Smith- At one point Carson put you in front of a group of women of all different sizes and asked you to pick out the woman whose size was closest to yours. You picked out a woman who was actually 2 sizes larger than you. What do you think about that?

Kelly Park- I was astonished and appalled at the same time because my perception was incorrect and she was a beautiful woman. She was stunning. She held her head up high. She had this huge round belly. Her skin was a little thicker then mine. I just kept looking at her and I really believed that she looked like me, that was my mirror image and I was shocked to see that she was bigger then me. She was holding her head up and happy. It was amazing.

Megan Smith- That was really a very interesting part of the show because you just don’t realize how perceptions are different until you see it right in front of you. Okay. Now I have a couple of questions from BlogHer community members. The first one is from Jodi and she wants to know what one thing during those five days really made you see yourself differently and why?

Kelly Park- That is a fabulous question Jodi. The one thing that made me see myself differently during those five days was actually the line up of the group of women. They were standing there in their underwear, just as I was, with their heads up high, with dignity, celebrating themselves and I could not believe that I was standing there with my shoulders slumped and had the same body shape and it just resonated at that moment that I don’t understand why I can’t embrace this part of my life like these women have. I am no different. Our stories are not different. They are very similar. Most of the women had babies and most of the women had gone through weight loss and weight gaining. It started to hit me that my perception was off and yes there are clothes out there that can fit me. They were wearing bras that fit them. So I was not alone. That is, I think, seeing that and seeing a community of women that look like me, it really just started to hit. Because I never looked at women like that before. I just looked at me as not being them. So that is really when it just resonated.

Megan Smith- My next question is, since the show was only five days, many women can understand how it might change your life for a moment but BlogHer cofounder, Elisa Camahort Page, wants to know if it really does last and why you think it does?

Kelly Park- Well, for me personally in my story, I was absolutely at the edge. I was at the brink. I was ready for some sort of change. I was ready for some sort of explosion to happen in my life and I could no longer deal with what I wasn’t looking at. I wasn’t going to get rid of this body. This body was not going to change over night. I did not go on a diet. But I was tired of feeling sad. I think that I was just really ready for change. During the whole five days, it wasn’t just me behind the camera with Carson. It was me talking to the crew members. It was me talking to the executive producers and other women that have gone through the same thing. It was me talking to Carson off the set. It was a constant reassurance that I was okay and I was worthy and valuable. It really hit me and for some of the women on the show, some of them have gone back to their ways and everyday is different. It lasted for me because I am happy. I feel, I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I don’t want to go back to that again. I have embraced who I am now. Yes I am a size 14. Yes, I wear FF bra and that is who I am now. My mind is just totally made up and ready for this journey. The journey did not stop after the show. It really started after the show.

Megan Smith- So tell me, in your everyday routine, what do you differently then you used too?

Kelly Park- Oh my God! I look in the mirror! I look in the mirror and I tell myself I am beautiful. I put lipstick on. I put my clothes on real slowly and my underwear. I bend over and put on a bra. I never even knew that existed. That you should bend over to put a bra on. I lay my clothes out. I kiss my husband. I flirt with him. I let my daughter see me putting on real stockings, when you roll them up with the garters. I embrace my woman. I swish when I walk down the street. I move my hips. I look in the rearview mirrors of peoples cars. There are so many numerous things that I do differently. I tell other women when they don’t have the right bra on, I tell them, if I see them in pain and I make friends with people that used to be me. I think one of the biggest things is I pass it on and that is what keeps me going. That is what keeps me encouraged and enlightened. It is just wonderful. I love myself.

Megan Smith- Now you mentioned your husband. How does he react to this transformation?

Kelly Park- He loves me!

Megan Smith- Are you guys back in the same bed?

Kelly Park- We are back in the same, he can’t get me off the bed.

Megan Smith- Wonderful!

Kelly Park- It is wonderful.

Megan Smith- Great. Great. Well what was his reaction?

Kelly Park- He was blown away because he knew that I gained weight and I put on some weight and my breasts got larger and he always thought that I felt, he knew that I felt bad about myself. After the show he could not believe that I am accepting what I can change and what I can’t change about myself and he can’t believe how hungry I am for life again. How much in love with him I am. I am looking at him. Colors look differently to me sometimes. Like people look different. My husband looks like a totally different person to me and I have wasted so much time and I can’t do it, so he was absolutely floored and he loves the fact that it is not a new Kelly, it is just a new improved Kelly.

Megan Smith- Oh that is great. That is great. Now you have a 10-year-old daughter that you mentioned, Sidney. What was your daughter’s reaction seeing you go through this process?

Kelly Park- She was, at first she was a little stunned because there was no communication between her and I about how I felt about myself. I was always telling her that she should love herself. We never really talked about body issues like that. So, when she saw me going through this, she was kind of stunned and silent at first. I remember it was the third day, it was a Wednesday, she came to me and she said “I hear you crying in the shower a lot. What are you crying for”? And I said “I am letting go of my old things. I am looking at my body again.” And she said, “Wow, you know, I always thought your body was beautiful and we never really talked about it. Will my body turn into this? Will I have large thighs too”? So now, I think the key is communication and she is completely open. Now she is expressing and talking about the kids at her school that have, that go through these body things and anorexia, so we talk about it now. We have such a different relationship now.

Megan Smith- So you think she is really learned through this experience.

Kelly Park- Completely. When she saw me take my clothes off and reveal myself and cry, she just had no idea that I felt that way about myself because I am an outgoing person so a lot of people did not know what I was dealing with inside. Not even my family. Not even my little daughter, who I have a great relationship with. So, she was really moved and we are very open about it.

Megan Smith- That is great. That is really great. Now Carson seemed liked a lot of fun. Though tough at times, he seemed to provide a lot of support. What was he like to work with?

Kelly Park- He was amazing. First of all, he is like one of the smartest people I have ever met. He is hilarious. He knows how to change a situation and make it light and fluffy and fun and he never once looked at me with any judgment ever. There was no judging at all. He was very candid with me about his life and what he has gone through being a gay man. We shared experiences and I cried on his shoulder. He was my fairy Godmother, no pun intended, but he really was. I still keep in contact with Carson and he always encourages me and, you know, he is like; Kelly are you buying the right things? Are you shopping well? Are you eating the right things? Girl what are doing? So he is very much so a part of my life. He just rubbed off on me really well. That was a great, he is a perfect host for that because there is something relatable. There is something that makes you pull your guard down in front of this man and he was a joy. I would totally do it again.

Megan Smith- Oh wow! Now you have mentioned clothes. How do you buy clothes differently then you used too?

Kelly Park- Well first of all, no more maternity tops! Never again! I buy clothes that fit my body. The clothes that fit and shirts that accentuate my waist. Maybe with more cleavage showing. I try on my jeans, the right size jeans. I am honest with myself now. I used to try on jeans that were two sizes small and terrible. I take my time. I don’t rush. I ask questions. I try on different pieces. I try different colors. So everything has changed. I never did that. It was Converse and maternity tops. That was it. As long as I had something covering up my body. Now I accentuate the things that I have, which is my hips and my breasts and my neck. I want to show those things.

Megan Smith- And you try on different clothes then you would have tried on before?

Kelly Park- I try on totally different. I would never ever try on clothes that showed cleavage. That was just a no-no. I wanted to hide my breasts because they were big and I did not have the right bra on. But now I try on clothes that accentuate my sexiness, which is fabulous.

Megan Smith- Speaking of which, now a really important question. Did you get to keep the clothes from the show?

Kelly Park- I kept all the clothes from the show.

Megan Smith- Especially that little black and white sundress. That DKNY which you looked so fabulous in.

Kelly Park- Isn’t that absolutely fabulous. That was the most comfortable. I could not believe that I was wearing a Donna Karan dress and it fit me and there were no problems. It wasn’t pinching. It accentuated everything that I wanted it too: my legs, my breasts, my arms.

Megan Smith- It looked gorgeous.

Kelly Park- Wasn’t that gorgeous?

Megan Smith- So girlie and flirty but very, very pretty looking.

Kelly Park- I love it. I love that dress. But I kept everything. The underwear, the bra whisperer left me with was amazing and I treat them like my children.

Megan Smith- That is great. Now what advice would you give to women out there who might be in the same situation you were in. They might have a couple of kids and don’t like what they are looking at in the mirror. What first steps would you advise them to take?

Kelly Park- The first thing I would advise them to do is to breathe. I want them to breathe and relax. Understand that this is a part of a lifetime journey. Look back at yourself. That person is not gone. This is a shell we are in. This is a body and situations happen. You know, I had my daughter, now I look at it like wow, my body is my badge of honor. I went through that and yes, a lot of us have a lot of battle scars. Things that we can’t get over. But we must. We must embrace who we are. Each stage of our life has to be embraced. You have to understand that you are not going to be twenty with tight skin. Skin doesn’t do that. Skin droops and it sags. Be realistic about what you are looking at and love yourself. Please look in the mirror. Please tell yourself how you feel. I believe in visualizing and everything that you say is basically a prayer to the universe and speak it, talk it, talk to people. Talk to your girlfriends. Talk to your family. Talk to your husband. Talk to them. Tell them what you are feeling. You are not alone. There is a whole community of us that need to get better and if we can just stick together and stand together and communicate I think we can, but you are not alone and you are loved and valuable.

Megan Smith- That is great advice. After this experience, what is next for you?

Kelly Park- I am on the road and the journey to get the word out about my experience to help other women. I am actually starting a program for young girls using stand-up comedy and improv, because that is my thing. It has helped me in every situation, to build self-esteem in young girls and I want to take it around. I want to go to different cities and I want to talk and I want to empower women and girls. I want to empower men. I want people to be better. So the next thing you are going to hear about me, I might be in some theater with some girls doing a show and laughing about this stuff and you never know. I think the road is open for me and I just want to, wow, I can’t believe this happened to me because this was my mission all along and it is a beautiful thing. Thank you for having me. I love this. This is amazing.

Megan Smith- That sounds great. It was amazing to watch you on the show. It was really an inspiration. On behalf of the BlogHer community, I want to thank you for speaking with me today. I think your future work with young girls will inspire many of them to reject the unrealistic images they see in magazines and on television and embrace their own uniqueness. Please keep us updated on your progress and thanks again.

We hope those who are listening will be inspired to learn more about ways they can improve their own body image by participating in BlogHer’s Letter to My Body campaign and to learn more please visit www.BlogHer.com.