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Last October, 27-year-old Matthew Gasteier got fed up with all the cuteness of animal blogs such as ICanHasCheezburger and CuteOverload. The result was the creation of the devastatingly funny "Fuck You, Penguin" - "A blog where I tell cute animals what's what." Flash forward to present day, where the blog gets 10-20,000 hits daily and Matthew's blog-based book, "FU, Penguin" hit store shelves yesterday. BlogHer's Animal Concerns Editor caught up with the busy boy to find out what his deal is.
So, Matthew, what's your problem with cute animals?
I don't have a problem with cute animals on their face. I just think that there's a certain way that cute animals should carry themselves that shows a certain level of respect to the person that is looking at the cute animal. If an animal is interacting with me on a normal level where, say we can discuss intellectual viewpoints on the geopolitical climate, then that's fine. But if they are going to just roll around on the ground and show me their belly, then I have I problem.
Are you not cute? I heard you were handsome, which is not even remotely the same thing.
I've gotten my share of compliments ... from made-up interviewers. The blog isn't about me, it's about what I've done for the world, which is the blog.
The blog is what you've done for the world?
Did I need to do anything else?
Does your entire human family have a heart of stone or just you?
I guess I should probably take offense to the idea that I have a heart of stone. I love animals and I love people. Just as there are good people and bad people there are good animals and bad animals. For example, I love krill. Krill are hardworking and trying to make their way in the world and penguins come along and eat them. Also, penguins love pyramid schemes.
Did you always have a potty mouth? Did you eat a lot of soap as a kid?
I try to keep the blog as clean as possible but the animals make me upset and I lose control. At a certain point, it becomes so ridiculous that I can't help myself. When you are dealing with something that is so dark and depraved, you really have to fight with fire.
Have you received any threatening letters - perhaps with hearts over 'i's' and smiley faces in the margins - from pro-cute sites like 'ICanHasCheezburger' and CuteOverload?'
I did have a brief battle with Cute Overload but that played out mostly in the comments section. I did, at one point, compare them to Nazi Germany but it's all in good fun.
What animals pisses you off the most? Who is the most manipulative? Is it indeed the penguin?
I named the site obviously after the penguin but after I've receiving lots of emails and looking through my own collection, I've concluded that it may be the panda, ultimately, because they are so entitled. They just sit around all day, eating bamboo while they wait for us to set them up with attractive women to have sex with. I don't appreciate it.
Yeah, it does sound like a pretty sweet deal. And what about the Red Panda?
Red panda is a complete farce - it's not even an actual panda. Its other name is the Firefox and it is not actually a fox so I don't understand what the panda is going for there. If there is one thing I'm not looking for in my pandas, it's a smaller version of them.
Are some animals more uppity than others?
The #1 uppity animal is the dolphin. It thinks that it's better than everybody else. It will never hesitate to point out that you are not shooting that basketball the correct way or bouncing that beach ball in the correct way. I just don't appreciate their attitude.
Also, they do seem to have a permanent smirk ...
Absolutely. Overall, think that they are better than us. Even though it is probably is true, they should keep it to themselves and be more discreet. After all, I don't go around to a sloth telling
