Interview: Mistresses Speak Out

Through out history, the mistress has been the villain that everyone hated.  She has always been seen as the home wrecker with no morals or respect for marriage or relationships.  That seemed to have changed a bit when Kerry Washington hit the scene as Olivia Pope in the hit tv show, Scandal.  Week after week, fans took to social media to root on the mistress of the President of the United States and being the other woman didn't seem to be so bad...at least on tv.

Mistresses Speak Out

Although Scandal is written for television, there have been many mistresses of presidents and many mistresses of men...period, however, most mistresses don't speak out and tell their story and so I went in search of women who had been or were currently mistresses and this is what they had to say.

Have you ever been the "other person?"

Towanda:  "Yes. I've been the other woman more than once!"

Hannah:  "I am the other woman."

Jessica: "Yes, I have."

What made you decide to have a relationship with someone who you knew was either married or in a relationship already?"

Towanda:  Love...always love!  Some were married and some were dating other people. Generally I believe monogamy is an unnatural socially imposed condition. Two the promise of fidelity is between the man and the person he made it to. I don't believe it has anything to do with me. All that matters is the connection between the two people in my book. And I definitely believe you can love more than one person at once. I know I have."

Hannah:  "No I didn't know this before we got together I didn't find out until it was too late my heart was already in too deep. He told me months into our relationship after it was too late he gave me the option to leave I couldn't[by then] my heart was already in too deep." 

Jessica:  He was always smiling and flirtatious.  Plus, he didn't wear a ring.  

At orientation is where I met him.  In my office, it was rare to see any men of color let alone of a power position.

As we began working on projects, I got comfortable so I asked was he married.  He told me that he was; although, he just didn't seem to "act" like he was married.

As time went on, he began to offer things to me.  His first offer was to get me some ice cream from a local fast food spot.  I told him what I wanted not thinking he would get it.  Lo and behold, he comes and brings me some ice cream.  That seemed to open up more doors.  Next thing I knew, he offered to take me to get ice cream another time.  So, I went with him.  He continued being flirtatious and of course, bought me the ice cream.  The next thing I knew, he offered to get my nails done.   From there, we began speaking outside of work."

Jessica:  How did things escalate?

Jessica:  One night, he wanted to come over so I let him and that's when our sexual relationship began.  I didn't think of it as being wrong at the time because I was lonely and still dating.  It began to grow into more because he would always want to go to lunch with me or come over.  I started to see the downside of the relationship because even though I knew I didn't want to be with him, I realized I was putting myself at risk for pregnancy, his wife finding out, etc.

Because the person that you are with (or have been with in the past) are married, what are holidays like for you? Is he available?

Towanda:  "I always spend them with my family and I've only had one relationship where I would bring that person to a family event. So that has never been an issue."

Hannah:  "Yes, he is available on holidays."

Jessica:  "He wasn't available.   Even though I didn't see him as my "man," I still wanted attention on those days and I remember vividly how he wasn't available on New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day.  It hurt, but it was the reality."

Mistresses Speak Out

Hannah, since the man you are with is married and has a family; How long have you been with him? Does his wife know about you? 

Hannah:  "We have been together 2 yrs. Yes,  she does [know about me] some what and hey do live in the same house together but he has filed for divorce."

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