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Sharon daVanport is the executive director of the Autism Women's Network and the host of the AWN Radio Show. She's a mom to four children -- one of whom has Asperger's -- and she is a tireless advocate for women and children, particularly those whose lives have been touched by domestic violence. She is also an adult living with Asperger's Syndrome.
I was lucky enough to spend some time chatting with Sharon earlier this month.
Can you tell me about how/when you were diagnosed with Asperger's?
I always like to remind people that even though I was diagnosed as an adult, it didn't mean I became autistic as an adult. But it explains so much, everything really, so well, now that I know.
My 17-year-old son was diagnosed with Asperger's in kindergarten. His therapist later said she knew about me right from intake. She could just tell because of the way I answered questions and by the way I related to him. She said that only parents on the spectrum are like that; it's very different with a neurotypical parent. She saw an obvious difference. We relate to our children in a very unique way.
But I wasn't her client or her patient, so she didn't feel it was necessary to say anything to me. Several years later, she was doing sibling and family therapy, and so we were really engaged with her, and she knew our family very well, and finally she thought she'd mention to me that maybe I should be assessed. I was having a hard time socializing and at work. She posed a question to me about what I thought about seeing how autism runs in the family. I said "Yeah, I think there's some genetic components there." She said "Really?" and she just kept looking at me. I said "there are a few people in my family who are 'spectrumy.'"
She asked if I thought about being assessed, and I laughed! I was 43, she said "Your son is 13, that's a huge age difference, and you're female and he's male ... have you ever thought about talking to your parents and asking them some questions?" I said I'd never thought of it, but I didn't see it at all. She said "I want you to take this whole conversation about communication and socialization and write it down and think about it."
I went home and wrote it all down, and it was so amazing. I was having so many issues, and I was like "Oh my gosh, I should probably have this checked out." But I wasn't ready, I was still in shock. Learning to adapt, learning to pretend; you laugh when other people do, you figure everyone does that.
I waited about six months to get assessed. I would say, "Well, I'm thinking about it, I'm talking to family, I'm not quite there yet." It took a long time to wrap my brain around it. It seemed so foreign. But then when I started realizing this is exactly what I'm like ... there's such a distinct difference between women and men with Asperger's ... we're often diagnosed in adulthood. We fly under the radar. I don't want to see a lot of people going through what I went through.
How did your parents react when you started talking about this with them?
One day I asked my mom, "What would you do if I said there was a psychologist who said I should see if I'm also on the spectrum like [my son]?" And she said it would sure explain a lot of things. She thought I had some major issues with my communication skills. I wasn't anti-social, but I didn't have as much of a desire to socialize as my siblings. She said there were a lot of issues as a parent ... and when my son was diagnosed she'd always thought there was something there, but told me she didn't think it was her place to say so.
We spoke for two hours. She reminded me of things where I went "That's exactly like things my son has done!" As a kid, I would scream about socks, because the seams were bugging me. Sounds sometimes set me off. I had issues with foods and taste -- gagging on certain things. Never with my siblings, always with me. I'd forgotten so much of that ... well, not forgotten, but just never thought about it. It's just who I am.
