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Did you know that autism parents can choose an identity other than Avenging Warrior or Martyr? That it is reasonable to aim for happy lives for us and our children, despite our kids' challenges? If this is news to you, then you need to read Susan Senator's forthcoming The Autism Mom's Survival Guide, A.S.A.P.
The Autism Mom's Survival Book is an important book, a desperately-needed book, a book that can help the next wave of autism parents sidestep the kind of post-diagnosis anxiety & depression that hit me in 2003 due to a lack of guidelines for my new Autism Mom identity. I spent my first two years as an autism parent raging against my son Leo's autism -- until Susan's 2005 book Making Peace With Autism taught me to look past the diagnosis and see Leo in the present, rather than in some theoretical "real boy" future. But where Making Peace With Autism focused on how to approach our children, The Autism Mom's Survival Guide tells us how we can approach ourselves. It is a long-needed toolkit for autism parents, with plenty of helpful advice for any stressed out parents of kids with special needs. AMSG includes not only Susan's voice and experience, but a constellation of wide-ranging insights and opinions from other autism parents. Here's what Susan had to say about it:
What inspired you to write The Autism Moms Survival Guide? How is it different from your book Making Peace With Autism?
I decided to write AMSG after being asked "How do you have any fun?" by other autism parents, while giving talks around the country. I found that so many parents felt that they were just barely hanging on to family life, marriage, even sanity. Some told me they don't always have time to shower. But I knew that there had to be more to their lives than this kind of struggle, because we are multi-faceted, resourceful, strong-willed human beings. The life force is very strong in all of us. So I set out to discover how -- given the tremendous difficulties of life with autism -- was it possible to be happy anyway? To find personal fulfillment, large and small? How could other parents learn from one another ways to still have a life of their own even with autism in their lives? I knew it was possible but what were some strategies? What were some new, positive ways of seeing ones life that could help soften one's perspective?
How did you decide which of your varied topics -- from new diagnosis tailspins to parents cultivating healthy sex lives to the need for biomedical/neurodiversity community bridge building -- to include?
I looked through my own blog and at many other autism blogs to figure out what was on people's minds. What were the basic parts of adult life and how were autism parents dealing with those parts? Did they feel successful? If so, what could they pinpoint that had helped them? What became clear to me was that autism moms and dads did, in fact, find joy and satisfaction in their lives but that they had learned a new way to see their lives, to see success. And, they had also figured out their own particular formula for feeling good day-to-day, or even moment-by-moment. What I heard about was sex life -- or lack thereof; adult friendships; the emotions of taking your autistic child out into the world; the community's views on therapies and what is autism, and how this in itself has an impact on the parents' happiness and self-esteem. I also heard that fear of the future affects an autism parent's happiness. I set out to learn how we can still have joyful lives, even with the difficult reality.
How lovely that you included so many different parent voices and perspectives. How did you find these parents? Were they people you already knew?
Talking to the other parents was so much fun! Many of them came to me through my blog. Sometimes I called a friend or two but I also wanted to hear from strangers living very different lives from my own. My requests for interviewees made the rounds on the Internet email support groups, and before I knew it, I had about 50 to talk to on the phone or in email or in person.
AMSG frequently touches on depression -- both its prevalence in autism moms, and your own struggles. What advice do you have for autism parents
