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I am a stay-at-home mom with a Kindergartner and twin toddlers. In between eating bon bons and watching soap operas (ha ha), I am also...
 
 
 
 

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Censoring Mother Goose

for My Daughter

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Where is my parenting manual? I ask this question all the time, and the response is always the same: crickets, nada, nothing. Is it too much to ask that when a sticky situation arises, I have a quick-reference guide to turn to for help? Last night I was reading my daughter a book. This was not just any book; it was a book from my childhood. Queue soft music for warm and fuzzy meaningful parenting moment, right? Wrong. Instead, queue music for scary crazy scenarios that would never be seen in children’s books today.

I tried to skip over the more graphic parts, but my daughter at the tender age of five can read and called me on it. I tried to tell her mommy wasn’t a huge fan of the book and that we should pick something else, but of course, that only made it irresistible to her.

So here is the dilemma. These were books from my childhood. They were read to me. While I concede that I am a very damaged and slightly insane person, I don’t think the books had anything to do with it. Should I really be censoring books as a parent? You decide – here are some excerpts.

 

 

From Mother Goose:

“There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do;
She gave them some broth, without any bread,
And whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed.”

As you might have guessed, the first question out of my daughter’s mouth was this: “Mommy, what does ‘whipped’ mean?”

And what about the “Sing a song of sixpence” rhyme? Apparently, some verses are left out in the modern telling. For example, the final verse in this book is as follows:

“The maid was in the garden,
Hanging out the clothes;
There came a little blackbird,
And snapped off her nose.”

As if the terror of birds snapping off your nose isn’t enough for little kids, there is a graphic picture that accompanies it.

And here’s another Mother Goose gem.

“Goosey, goosey, gander!
Where shall I wander?
Upstairs and downstairs,
And in my lady’s chamber;
There I met an old man
Who would not say his prayers;
I took him by the left leg,
And threw him down the stairs.”

I am by no means anti-Mother Goose, but I was startled to see the difference between what was published decades ago and what is published now. And it’s not just Mother Goose, but random story books as well. Another book I pulled out of the childhood book box is called The Bremen-town Musicians. It has a sweet picture of a donkey, a dog, a cat, and a rooster on the front.

The book opens with this, “There was once a donkey who was getting old. One day he heard his master say, ‘That donkey is too old to work. So why should I feed him?’”

Well, this donkey runs away and meets up with a dog who says, “I am getting too old to hunt…I heard my master say he wanted to kill me.” And the book goes on and on. They run into a cat whose mistress said she was going to drown it. They run into a rooster whose mistress said she was going to cut off its head. And it is downhill from there. They come across a house and scare the robbers away and then later when the robbers come back, they beat one of them up.

So what’s a parent to do? Whether you approve or disapprove, for now those books stay on the shelf to read at a later date. For now, I am choosing to censor by content.

All too soon, my daughter will learn that people really do beat their children, mistreat animals, and do other horrible things. She has the rest of her life to be a grown up. For now, I think it is enough for her to digest the reasons behind why she should never leave the playground without mommy or daddy (or the designated babysitter), why it’s important to tell mommy or daddy if someone touches her in a way that makes her uncomfortable, and what to do if she gets lost (and what it means to be lost for that matter). 

Or maybe the decision to shelve the books for now is self-preservation. Have you ever tried to put a child to sleep after a book with content like the above? It’s hard. It’s harder

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FrancesBean 5 pts

I think you're turning a wonderful opportunity for discussion into a huge issue. Things 10X worse happen in Looney Toons. Not to mention most of those poems were political statements. Mother goose was the proverbial witch who caused havoc.

What's next? Judy Blume? Jack London? Gary Paulsen?

kikibabibhaddboo 5 pts

well my personal thought of mother goose is that she is a bad influence for anyone but mainly children,because she is making songs about children dying getting abused falling out of a tree and exc. so i dont understand why people are still singing these things to their children.so you should really try to find out the meanings. thank you

SHembree 20 pts

Sorry for the late response -- was at the BlogHer Writers' Conference (awesome, by the way!) and am just getting back into the swing of things. Just my two cents, but looking at all of the comments, my takeaway is this -- some kids are more sensitive than others and internalize things in different ways. If a child gets scared, has nightmares or night terrors, and dwells on things that are more graphic, a parent has the right to choose not to read that material to their child. More importantly, they have the right not to be judged for doing so. If someone's child can read it and be okay with that material, their parents can make the choice to expose them to it -- again, without being judged for that. As with anything else, it is easier to judge someone else's choices -- whatever they are -- when you haven't walked in their shoes.

Little Tots Big Ideas 5 pts

Perhaps my kids are jaded. I don't see what the big deal is about any of those rhymes. Of course they have all seen Lord of the Rings and the Harry Potter movies.

SarahKnight 7 pts

So funny! And so true! My daughters are both very sensitive and this is a big issue for us. I definitely think censoring for young kids is a good idea. Awesome post!

SHembree 20 pts

SarahKnight Thanks! I definitely agree that it depends on the child. It is strangely one of those issues that can be big if your kids dwell on things and not so much if they don't.

mommyrant 12 pts

I think it may be hard for you to keep up with the hard work of reading every book ahead of time. If you want to stick to newer books you probably won't run into as many problems - probably being a key word here. I checked out "The Man Who Walked Between the Towers" and even though the action of the book takes place long before 9/11 it's mentioned on the last page of the book that they towers aren't there anymore. "Why aren't the towers there any more?" asked my then five year old and I had to tell him.

Of course if they are causing your daughter nightmares that's different. Could it be bothering your daughter more because she knows it's bothering you? I mean we did hear all those nursery rhymes as children too, tails were chopped off, blackbirds got baked in pies, children got whipped, crowns got broke, ladybird's house caught on fire while where children were alone, etc.

What did you tell your daughter (she sounds very bright by the way) about whipping? It might have been a good intro into the idea that, a long time ago people used to punish their children by spanking them but today we know that's not okay - or you use some other suitable language. I read my older boys "Farmer Boy" (part of the Little House on the Prairie Series) this winter - there's a lot of talk about whipping but what my boys found even more interesting was the idea that during dinner - only grownups could talk - children had to be silent unless they were spoken to.

I remember reading Uncle Wiggley to my kids and the little boys in the story were always causing mischief and the little girls were always crying. Neither of my sons said anything about this but I have used those stories as illustrations of notions that people had back when Uncle Wiggley was written (boys got into trouble, girls wore dresses, didn't go on adventures, and cried a lot).

You can stick to Dr. Seuss but then you'll still have to deal with why the brother and sister are left alone in the house for the afternoon while their mother goes out and some strange cat comes over; and Shel Silverstein did of course write, "I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor."

Children's books are a such a great gateway for discussions, I hate to see you censoring them when they could lead to great exchanges between you and your daughter.

SHembree 20 pts

mommyrant Thanks for the very thoughtful reply! She is very bright and asks questions about absolutely everything. We have never run into a problem with the more modern books -- and she is a voracious reader, so we have read countless ones. It wasn't until we started going through older books that we had her questioning everything from why you would push people down the stairs to issues around racism, etc. We will, of course, address these topics as they come up in her life, but since she is five, I am just cherishing the fact that unless she reads it in a book, it doesn't occur to her that someone would push someone else down the stairs, and that she doesn't wonder when a bird flies by if it is going to snatch her nose, and that she doesn't view people differently just because they look different. Maybe I am naive, but I love the way she views the world right now. She will have to learn the hard lessons soon enough, and we will discuss them when they arise, but for now, I am at peace with not introducing them to her at this age -- especially since she has nightmares.

TW 28 pts

I can't say that I censored as much as chose when to introduce books to my pre-reading children. I spent too many years being a geek not to read Red Riding Hood as a rape allegory, so avoided it until I could find words for that.

Now that they read everything on their own, I just have a "You can read whatever you want" policy with the open invitation to talk about it. (and yes, this has meant some incredibly uncomfortable discussions with kids. mommyrant

southmainmuse 9 pts

I can't imagine censoring. It spoils the rhyme I love them and the pictures. Maybe just decide to leave some out. Think what they might stumble upon on the Internet. I read some of Grimm's Fairy Tales recently. Mother Goose looks rather tame by comparison.

SHembree 20 pts

southmainmuse Unfortunately, when I open the book, she reads the ones around whichever one I have chosen, and the ones with graphic pictures tend to catch her eye immediately. I tend to be more cautious with what she reads, because when she was younger she had night terrors and she still has really intense nightmares. I think every kid is different, and if she didn't dwell on the more disturbing aspects and then have nightmares about them later, I would be more open to some of the harrier ones.

BBernard 14 pts

SHembreesouthmainmuse LOL. My five year old has no idea what the internet is. And I'm not planning on letting him surf it alone anytime soon! The idea that what's right for one kid is right for all kids is just not a reality, as you said SHembree. We don't need to judge each other for our choices. My son is INCREDIBLY sensitive and very upset by even the landlord in Curious George who constantly yells at everyone. If I choose to censor that for him, that's what I know is best for him as his mother. It doesn't mean I'm babying him. In fact, he's smart enough to realize the landlord is a jerk. If the Man in the Yellow Hat is scared of the landlord, why shouldn't a little child be?!

Julie Samrick 7 pts

This is so funny and spot on! I am reading "Grimm's Fairy Tales" to my older kids and have thought the same thing.

SHembree 20 pts

Julie Samrick The funny thing is that I remember adoring scary stories, including Grimm's Fairy Tales, when I was younger. My daughter has intense nightmares though, so I tend to tread a bit more carefully with her.

BBernard 14 pts

What I can't figure out is didn't WE ask these questions when we were kids? Didn't we ask what whipped meant? My mother swears no. But my son asks a MILLION questions about what we read... I'm with you. Censor away!!

SHembree 20 pts

BBernard My daughter asks questions all of the time as well! They just finished studying up on fire safety at school, and let me tell you, the questions about fire, burning up, and death are coming fast and furious -- it's a bit horrifying.

BBernard 14 pts

SHembree I'd say we were raising the same kid but mine's a boy. :)

Adriasmom 7 pts

When I was a kid my mom would not let us read fairy tales. She was very women's lib and didn't want us to grow up thinking we would be rescued by a man! hahaha! I love that story now. In turn, as punishment, she was blessed with a princess loving granddaughter!

SHembree 20 pts

Adriasmom That is too funny! I was always the tomboy who hated dresses, and I was blessed with a princess/fancy dress loving daughter as well ;)

LucindaA 26 pts

I went through that with my daughter too. I pulled out an old book from my mother's childhood. Not only were the rhymes violent, they were racist. After about 4 attempts to find just one rhyme worth reading, I shelved the book, never to be opened again. We went with Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss.

SHembree 20 pts

LucindaA We found the same thing with a lot of them. We also found a lot of them with parents teaching their kids how to fight other kids, etc. Yikes!

TW 28 pts

I believe that Chinaberry Books was founded by a woman concerned about the messages in Mother Goose rhymes. At least that is how I remember it. I do know that when I had wee children, I often bought books from them because of their careful curation with an eye to progressive parenting.

SHembree 20 pts

TW Thanks -- I'm going to have to check them out. I listed some of the Mother Goose rhymes that popped out at me, but there are tons more that I could have included!

Conversation from Facebook

Shannon Hinderliter Hembree
Shannon Hinderliter Hembree

There is a time and place for everything. If the question were posed as "would you force your five year old to do something that terrifies them and gives them nightmares?" people might approach it differently. I am puzzled frankly as to why there has been such a strong reaction to this. The material at present scares her and gives her nightmares. When it doesn't, she can read it.

Brooke Harshbarger Schmidt
Brooke Harshbarger Schmidt

The writer isn't suggesting she'll censor nursery rhymes LATER, she's talking about this VERY moment. The very moment her daughter found the book and asked questions that THIS mother felt were inappropriate for HER daughter. What's right for YOUR child isn't necessarily right for MINE. If a mother chooses not to tell a 5 year old that mothers used to starve and beat their kids, I don't think it makes her a bad mom who is going to later burn Catcher in the Rye in the backyard.

Terri Patillo
Terri Patillo

Censorship solves nothing. I read my daughter all of the Mother Goose rhymes. She read "Little Black Sambo" too. Because, even though SOME people want to make a book or an author a 'racist' -- in most cases, it just isn't true. Would you censor the Torah? Shakespeare? Mark Twain? Live is what it is -- experience it, live it, adapt to it, change it.

Stephanie Saad Thompson
Stephanie Saad Thompson

I fondly recalled for years a book of American folk tales called "Yankee Doodle's Cousins" I used to check out repeatedly from my elementary school library. I finally tracked down a used copy and bought it, thinking I'd read it to my kids. I was shocked at how racist and dated most of the stories were. I don't know if reading them affected me, but I certainly don't feel comfortable sharing most of them with my kids.

Leslie Whitney
Leslie Whitney

Not judging, just saying. I dislike it when nursery rhymes and such are censored. Yes some topics make us adults uncomfortable but we cant assume its bad for kids to hear. I.e death or bad people. I often catch myself with that.
The german classic tales of "Shock Headed Peter" would make most American parents cringe. But I grew up with them and think its fine.

Brooke Harshbarger Schmidt
Brooke Harshbarger Schmidt

The idea that ALL kids are prepared to hear about death, learn about death, etc. is not realistic. In our family, there's no reason for our 5 year old to know that some mommies throw their kids down stairs in real life. When my son faced the real life death of his grandpa, he was thrown into a tailspin about any talk to dying and was terrified he would die and be separated from us. As a result, I would never read him these fairytales. Sometimes, for reasons I can't control, he asks questions that he just doesn't need to know the ENTIRE answer to yet -- someday, sure, but not today. If your child is different and can handle different information, more power to you... but as always I feel tired when moms judge other moms for their decisions.

Lori Corby-Brown
Lori Corby-Brown

Then sensor tom and jerry, wiley coyote, popeye and all cartoons pryor to 1980 .....

Angie Rapids
Angie Rapids

None. If you read the nursery rhymes and fairy tales then it is your duty to explain them historically. Death is a part of life. It is something farm kids learn early and understand. Many of those tales is a perfect opportunity to teach and bring awareness to issues going on right now.