YAAAR, Mateys! And, er, Mate-ettes? It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Get ready to swig some grog and shiver your timbers, or ye be walking the plank.

Talk Like a Pirate Day was invented in 1995 by two oddballs in Oregon. Since its inception, it has grown in acclaim yearly, in part from Dave Barry's promotion of the holiday, and then once pirates became part of internet culture, its success was guaranteed. It's interesting to me that there is a conjunction between a love of the romanticized notion of historical piracy and the rise of internet piracy, while at the same time there seems to be little interest in real modern piracy.

Talk Like a Pirate Day, in my humble opinion, is one of the best made up holidays ever. It's free! You don't have to send cards, or gifts, and you don't get the day off work, so if you are the annoying person at work anyway, today you get a free pass!

I thought it would be fun to round up some pirate links for scurvy dogs.

You don't have to be a luddite pirate--you can turn that boring old iphone into the AYE PHONE! "Now every day can be Talk Like a Pirate Day," they promise, though I have no idea what this application actually does. Area 49's blog claims you can stuff Notorious Pirate John Rackham into your phone. Is this a good idea? I imagine you'd wake up one morning and all your music would be gone and your phone would be softly weeping. I don't know.

When you get your Aye Phone set up, you can learn how to text like a pirate!

* What would Long John Silver do? - WWLJSD do?
* Yo Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Rum - YHHBTR
* Great ass - GR8 BOO T
* She has cannon balls in her shirt -SH00IHS
* Talk about a Treasure Chest - TATC
* My cannon just exploded - MYCNNXPLOD
* Want to touch my mast? -WTTMM

One criticism I have heard about pirate "culture" is how it can be exclusive of women and girls. Most of the figures in history and cartoons are male, and it often seems like an interest that appeals to little boys. I have found some interesting resources that would be fun to share with girls, such as Booty: Girl Pirates on the High Seas, which is a history of female piracy. I own this book and found it to be a fun read, though the history is patchy in places (something about keeping records and criminal activity don't always seem to mix), my daughter and I enjoy it. There are also the graphic novels Polly and the Pirates and Sardine in Space, both featuring awesome female pirate protagonists, which I reviewed in depth in a graphic novel review for Blogher.

What about pirate booty? It's too late for this year's holiday, unless you live in Seattle and can visit the store, but here is Archie McPhee's pirate swag section. You can get yourself a cool pirate flag, action figures, bandages, or even this cool BLANG BLANG pirate patch. Why be a regular old pirate when you could be a Big Pimpin' Pirate?

There is a poop deck full of piratey entertainment out there, too. I found a great song for young pirates called "Blackbeard, Bluebeard, and Redbeard," created by Eric Herman, Kenn Nesbitt, and Roseann Endres and is about three pirates who cannot decide how to paint their ship. Featuring the roffle-inducing line "A pirate without treasure is like a monkey without a spatula." I can get behind that.

Another modern classic for wee pirates is "You Are a Pirate" from the children's television show "Lazytown." This is another piece of pirate pop culture that has been embraced by the internet piracy movement, and other artists such as comic artist Fred Perry.

Another thing you always hear about in relation to pirates is booze, particularly grog or rum. I have been wondering what grog actually is, and I was happy to find many pirate adult beverages. I imagine the true answer to "What did pirates drink while being at sea for months?" was probably "Anything they could," but here is a recipe for grog from the official Talk Like a Pirate Day website:

American Grog
A Staple For Every Privateer
1 measure dark rum
1 teaspoon sugar
2 cloves
lemon juice
stick of cinnamon
Serve in mug. Top with hot water.

Wikipedia, of course, has an interesting history on grog and sailing as well.

According to my learnings, the natural enemies of pirates are NINJAS (nsfw). There is lots of debate about which group is better or who would win in a fight. Today The Ninja from Ask a Ninja will attempt to take on the pirate debate in a live chat at 3 p.m. PDT.

“Ninjas just pity pirates,” said the Ninja.  “They are just poorly educated, physically disabled people with substance abuse problems.  They should not be celebrated, they should be put into a twelve step program or killed.”

According to The Ninja Handbook, just released by Three Rivers Press/Crown, everyone who reads it will surely be killed.

“Ninjas don’t just kill pirates,” said the Ninja.  “We kill everything, really, really well.”

Finally, speaking of ninjas, this is a shout out to Denise, and everyone else who does not care for Talk Like a Pirate Day: How to Talk Like a Pirate (with an unexpected twist). 

* Pirate patch image from Archie McPhee's.

SJ, when not keelhauling landlubbers, also writes at Aye, Asshole.