Bio
Alison Lee is the blogger behind Mama Wants This! A former PR professional turned stay-at-home mother to her toddler son, Alison rediscovered her lov...
 
 
 
 

Most Popular

Recent Comments

I Did Not Expect to Be Hurt or Loved By Blogging

  • Share This Post
  • Pin It
  • 167
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

When I started blogging, I thought it'd just be me and my laptop. I'd just be posting interesting items from my online shopping experience here, and I'd have a million readers who'd thank me for showing them the way with gorgeous stuff for their babies, toddlers and themselves.

Come back when you've stopped laughing.

Right. As I was saying.

I didn't really give a thought to those 'readers'. Who they might be, where I might get them, how I'll make them come back. I thought I'll just post something and they'd come.

Duh. Just a couple of weeks into blogging, I discovered communities. Commenting. Twitter. Connections. People. Readers.

I went about plugging my blog. Blog hops (urgh), commenting, and tentatively entering the Twitterverse. My PR hat was on. I did what I thought I had to do to bring my readers in.

And then, my writing changed. I did writing prompts, linkups, memes. I stopped the hops, and concentrated on reading and commenting. I refocused myself and started writing about what I know, what I love. I wrote from the heart.

Blogging stopped being about the statistics. It was now about the people.

I made connections. I had readers, and occasionally, people commenting. I had 'tweeps' to chat with on Twitter.

I allowed myself the luxury of thinking I was a blogging force. For a day or so. *ahem*

Then I got to know people. The women behind the words. The minds behind the gorgeous blog design. The sense of humor behind the 140 characters. The hearts behind the computers.

When I say I got to 'know' people, I don't mean I've met them in real life. I mean we've connected through each other's blogs, Twitter and email, and gotten to know each other as wives, mothers, daughters, friends.

When we blog, we put ourselves out there. Some of us a little more than others. Our personalities come through by the way we weave our words together. The photographs we take and share. This is who we are, we declare.

From there, we form impressions of each other. We develop bloggy crushes and friendships. We collaborate and sometimes, are able to come together to make blogging and social media a career, a profession.

We get on our computers every day, connecting with these people we think we know, through what they put of themselves out there.

Or do we?

I'm sorry to rain on your parade. Not everyone you 'meet' online is the person you think they are.

You may jump in here and say, "But Alison, you haven't MET any of these people, how can you say that??"

My answer? How you conduct yourself virtually off your blog does matter.

When you agree to be a guest blogger for someone else, and you don't send your post within the stipulated deadline. It matters.

When someone writes you a guest post, and you do not do your best to get it out there to be read, almost like you don't care, because you didn't write it. It matters.

When you say you'll send someone information, offering to help with something, and you don't. It matters.

When you never, ever visit another blog, or make a single comment, or do a tweet or retweet of their post (well, because you never visit their blog), despite their continued support of yours. It matters.

When you don't at least acknowledge someone's email or tweet. It matters.

When you don't thank someone for a small kindness. It matters.

I know we are all busy. We have lives outside of the blog. Things that are more important, like looking after our children. Cooking dinner. Laundry. Taking the kids out to the park, to school, to activities. Spending time with our spouses, parents, siblings, friends.

But we do have this other life, this blog. Where we've invested time, money, thoughts and emotions. Where we have real friends. Where our actions (or non-actions) matter, and can hurt or lift.

Where it does matter.

I did not expect to be hurt by blogging. But I have.

I did not expect to be loved by blogging. But I have.

I did not expect to be pouring my heart out about how blogging has affected me, because hey, I was just going to write about awesomesauce products!

But, here I am.

  • 167
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Comments

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
threelittlebaers 12 pts

I really liked this post and I completely agree, it does matter. I think the most surprising aspect to blogging is that I sometimes feel more hurt by no comments than I do by the occasional snarky comment. Then, inevitably, I go through the whole "why do I even care?" stage, but I do. Putting stuff out there is more of an emotional investment than I thought.

 

Love your witty sense of humor! Thanks for the post!

Angie Kinghorn 5 pts

Alison, this is all so true!  I started off just like you did, thinking blogging would be a solitary endeavor.  The blank page, the keyboard.

 

Then I realized there was this community.  And I found Twitter.  And, to be honest, it was so overwhelming I almost gave up.  But gradually you get used to it and it becomes like the comforting din of cocktail party chatter in the background, or the noise of a big city outside your windows.  And if I find myself some place without wireless access, I *miss* my Twitter friends.  And I miss reading their blogs.

 

Fortunately I haven't had many negative experiences yet, except that my husband now thinks I'm crazy for referring to people I've never met as "friends."

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

 Angie Kinghorn Your husband is clearly not a blogger. Just like mine isn't. :)

fringster 5 pts

I'm new to blogging - and I already do expect these things to come!

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

fringster You'll love all the wonderful aspects of blogging!

MauiShopGirl 66 pts

Wonderfully written and my experience has been the same. I've made more new friends in the past few months of blogging than the few years before that. Some of these new friends are also now friends IRL too as I belong to a Maui social media group which meets monthly. I do agree it matters.

I agree also, it does matter. I don't expect to get a response or engagement each time but every once in awhile. If I comment on someone's blog or respond to a tweet it is because I loved something you wrote or it resonated with me, I feel a connection.

Engagement does have to be sincere and genuine though. The obvious halfhearted blog comment or tweet followed by "now go to mine" in a clear attempt to play the stats numbers game just makes me feel lonely. So sometimes when I don't get a response on my engagement, I get paranoid and think this more popular blogger thinks I'm one of those self promoting people! Stupid but true...

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

MauiShopGirl It's totally normal to feel paranoid :) I too, dislike the bloggers that are just out for numbers. Fortunately, there are many more genuine people who do like what you write and always come back. Blogging is wonderful!

AtheTypist 6 pts

Thank you for this. I have been grappling with what my blog should be and your article has given me some clarity.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

AtheTypist So glad to be of some help.

Choosing Love 5 pts

So glad you started by writing about awesomesauce products and it evolved into writing from the heart. Love your words "I did not expect to be hurt by blogging. But I have. I did not expect to be loved by blogging. But I have." I can relate. Thank you for this post!

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Choosing Love Thank you so much for reading!

dlmccormick@triad.rr.com 9 pts

very well said. And yes - it does matter!

KarenLynnn 2165 pts

Coming to Blogher has been a real awakening for me. I've felt for a long time that I really don't need anyone but my dear hubby, but that puts a lot of pressure on him. But once I started interacting with people on chatter, I've begun developing friendships. I also kept a daily blog for years, and read other's blogs daily. I started in 2007 with a breast cancer diagnosis. I gave up when the site I was blogging at closed down (Vox). My friends disbanded, some to wordpress, some to LiveJournal and I wasn't able to keep up, or settle anywhere else. I was sort of traumatized when Vox shut down. I feel at home here on blogher, a feeling I haven't had since back in the good old Vox days.

So nice to meet you!

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

KarenLynnn Nice to meet you too KarenLynnn! BlogHer is a great family!

KarenLynnn 2165 pts

Alison@Mama Wants This thank you Alison, pleased to meet you too!

lainierenee 23 pts

I started blogging about ten years ago and it was like the Wild Wild West. After a few years, I had to go on a hiatus from it. Blogging every day and answering emails from my readers was starting to take over my life. I wholeheartedly agree with your approach to the blogsphere.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

lainierenee 10 years is a long time! Yes, blogging shouldn't take over life, it should just be about life :)

Wombat Central 5 pts

It has turned out to be very different than I had imagined as well. I'm always amazed at how many wonderful people are out there, and how, without their blogs as a vehicle, I would have otherwise never known them. :)

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Wombat Central Blogging has been full of wonderful surprises!

Avwebb 6 pts

Thank you for writting this post. I have recently been trying to decide wether or not I wanted to start a blog of my own. You words are actually very encouraging and inspiring. Again, thank you, you've help me make up my mind. Oh and yes, I'm going to start one.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Avwebb I'm so glad! You'll love it. :)

Bad Luck Detective 713 pts

Blogging has changed my life and is the cheapest therapy out there. Thank you for sharing how you feel. Ditto!

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Bad Luck Detective You're right, it's great and cheap therapy!

Amanda_Magee 34 pts

Every once in a while I get really wounded by something online, whether it is not being included, not being responded to or by getting completely misunderstood. I think it's completely inevitable and crappy. Sigh.

Then I go on a writing tear, sparked by the way a swath of sunlight cuts through my living room or how my daughters look at their dad. I work things out, discover deeper meaning and then, out of the blue, realize I have created a new connection with someone.

The highs of my blogging far outweigh the piffles of online slights. Always.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Amanda_Magee Your comment is simply.....beautifully written. Yes, truly, the highs outweigh the lows, fortunately. Thank goodness.

davidjoho 5 pts

It's so good to hear someone remind us that blogging is a social activity, not simply a cheap form of broadcasting. Beautiful post!

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

davidjoho Thank you, I love the way you summarized that!

Kottage Kreations 5 pts

You have such a talent with words! Thank you for your awesome post, and most of all, for being you! I truly enjoyed reading, and I can totally relate to every word! I am so glad to have "met" you through BlogHer.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Kottage Kreations Thank you so much for your kind words, nice to 'meet' you too!

Kissing Up 7 pts

I'm really inspired by your post. It's so personal to put out what you really think and experience. But that's what makes blogging so very good. Thank you for shepherding us newbies in with your wisdom.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Kissing Up Thank you, I'm glad you're inspired. This was one of the hardest posts I wrote and it was even harder to hit publish - I was worried about alienating readers. Instead, I received a lot of support and many actually felt the same way and could relate. So I'm happy to have helped in any small way.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Nobody wants to be Ethel Thank you Ethel!

Paula Young LMFT 5 pts

I have noticed a rushed feeling about other bloggers when they are doing the necessary networking. To me it has seemed necessary and also, kind of natural to network with other bloggers. Some are generous; one put me on his links page, put together a description culled from my blog info, with a picture, all my info and, even contacted me to ask if i wanted my e-mail on there. Others gladly accept other bloggers taking the time to peruse their blog, leave a comment, refer others, link to it, etc. and just blithly go on without any reciprocation. Kinda like the other world we inhabit, huh.

Anyway, glad you wrote about the importance of being decent even though we are invisible (or are we?)

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Paula Young LMFT The online life is much like real life. Sometimes, a small thing like a return visit, a hello tweet or a quick comment is all it takes to reciprocate. I don't think we're invisible :)

SouthBayRantsnRaves 8 pts

Very informative. Yes I learned the hard way that not all your Twitter followers will read your blog. Not all the blogs you comment on will comment back on your blog. It's a bit frustrating & disheartening & I too have been hurt. However like you said I'm trying on focusing on connecting with people and not on the blog stats. I hope it helps in the long run.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

SouthBayRantsnRaves It will help. Focus on those who matter :)

MyPixieBlog 7 pts

Gah! My comment erased (grumble).

This is so true and I, too, have been hurt by blogging in the past. Thankfully, there are those that make the blogging world seem right again by lending the support we often crave by putting so much of our personal lives out there. You have always been so encouraging and I am truly grateful I have had the chance to "meet" you via this blogging community. Continue doing what you do, Alison. This community loves you.

XOXO

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

MyPixieBlog Thank you Charlotte, for your lovely comment. It's been good to meet you too!

hobomama 7 pts

I really think this is true, and yet I'm torn between feeling guilt and feeling like I shouldn't feel so guilty. I have a LOT going on online. All the people I interact with have become dear to me, and I wish wish wish I could <i>always</i> read their posts, always interact, always respond to every comment … but sometimes life gets in the way. As a parenting blogger, sometimes I have to prioritize parenting over this virtual (though oh-so-lovely and meaningful) world. At what point is it ok to let go of the guilt and simply do what you <i>can</i>?

Also, and this is incidental, but what do you do to promote guest posts on your site? I can't seem to drum up as much conversation for guest posts as for mine, even though I try my hardest to promote them. I don't want any of my wonderful guest posters to feel unappreciated.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

hobomama I know what you mean, sometimes I feel exactly the same way! It's such a difficult balance, isn't it?

I always put a link on my Facebook blog fan page to promote my guest post, and I tweet it out 4x during the day. I also retweet the guest's tweet about them posting on my blog. I hope that helps!

hobomama 7 pts

Alison@Mama Wants This Thanks! I definitely do about the same for a guest post, plus highlight it in my weekly link roundup (Sunday Surf), so I feel a little better now that at least I'm trying. :) Thanks for sparking a lot of thoughts for me with your article — I appreciate it.

Cheryl @ Mommypants 6 pts

So lovely, and so true, Alison. So glad you're sharing your words here.

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

Cheryl @ Mommypants Thank you Cheryl, I'm so thrilled to be here.

MamaTrack 5 pts

Loved this the first time around and love it still. Such a great post!

bereccah 52 pts

This is a great post - I really liked how informative but not preachy this was. Thanks!

Alison@Mama Wants This 19 pts

bereccah Thank you, glad you liked it!

Conversation from Twitter

AlisonSWLee
AlisonSWLee

mommy_to_five Thank you for the RT!