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Sparkle (1)
You may have noticed that I've been uncharacteristically silent over the past week. I kept meaning to write a bunch of posts, but just didn't have the inclination. I couldn't figure out why. I haven't even been logging in to BlogSpot. I haven't been reading my favourite blogs.
Finally a couple minutes ago, I decided to log in and have a peak around. I clicked on the New Post link. Funny sometimes how just looking at the blank post screen can give you a Eureka moment.
Balance.
I have always been the "all or nothing" type of person. Go hard, or go home. That is me in EVERY aspect of my life. Whether it's health, parenting, blogging, schooling, work, whatever. I've often said "I don't do moderation." I either don't touch the cake, or I eat the whole frigging thing. There is no in-between.
That's all fine and dandy. I'm a hard worker, and have great will-power. The only problem with this is that I burn out. The really funny thing is that I didn't REALLY realize this about myself until two minutes ago, looking at that blank post screen. I give my poor hubs a hard time about this quite often, that he works too hard, that he needs balance, but I didn't notice it in myself.
Almost 11 years ago now, when I did my drastic life change, that's exactly what it was. Drastic. I completely cut out all junk food. I became vegetarian. I exercised like crazy. I had nightmares about cheating on my diet. I managed to continue that way for 6 years, until I became pregnant with my oldest son. I have slowly but surely fallen off the wagon since then.
I have been struggling to figure out why I haven't been able to return to that way of life. But it's clear to me now. It was burn out. I was feeling deprived. I needed balance.
I now realize the same thing about other aspects of my life. Parenting. I have been trying so hard to live up to that perfect ideal, that I have burned myself out. I need balance.
Blogging. I have been working hard to try to be a successful blogger. Trying to blog every day. Trying to market myself, etc. I burned myself out. I need balance.
Do I really need to be an ultra-athletic size 6? Or maybe I could cut myself some slack, eat healthy with room for treats, get a modest amount of exercise in. Maybe not worry about the number on the scale or the size on the tag of my jeans.
Do I need to be a perfect parent? Is there such a thing? Or maybe I could cut myself some slack. Maybe I don't need to volunteer for every activity out there. Maybe I don't need to make everything from scratch. Maybe my house doesn't have to be hospital-corners clean. Maybe I could just love my kids and that would be enough?
Do I need to be a world-famous blogger? Does it really matter how many followers I have? Maybe I could just blog for the reasons that I started blogging. For creative release. For discovering myself. For journaling my kids' development.
Maybe someday I could have some balance in my life and just love MYSELF a little bit.
Dallas
