It's getting tougher...

Today was a tough day and it made me see just how easily I could be dismissed. I was driving home on the outskirts of town in a rural area that is desolate and extremely busy because it is the highway when the truck made 2 loud pops. I literally thought "My god, I'm going to die in this truck as it explodes" and then the power steering went because the vehicle was shutting down and I was decreasing in speed, on a major stretch of road, in the middle of nowhere, with an 18 wheeler barreling down honking and here I am, trying to turn this extremely hard steering wheel to the right to get the vehicle off the road ASAP. My life flashed before my eyes and my heart was racing. It literally felt like my hands and legs just went limp and they began to shake. It took me about 10 minutes to gather myself because when I went to dial the auto club, my fingers were shaking so bad, well, my hands were that I couldn't complete the dialing. I wanted to cry so badly because I just cannot seem to have anything go well for me. I finally called the auto club and then I called my fiance's cell, it was off of course, big surprise. So I was forced to call the house phone of his folks house and as calmly as I could, I told her to please have her son call me the moment he got in because it was rather urgent, I was stranded on the side of the road on the outskirts of town and I needed to speak to him. She said she would give him the message. Now, anyone else would automatically put that on the top of their list and give that message priority. Well....He sends me a text message about 45 minutes later complaining about his feet and I am here like, WTH, call me...he told me he was busy and I am like, WAIT, didn't your mother tell you to call me cause it was important. He chuckled and said no, I got in about 10 minutes ago and no, oh wait, she must have spaced that out. OMG!!!! Here I am, on the verge of a breakdown because I could have been in a bad accident and not to mention, I was on the side of the highway with a lot of vehicles driving next to me that could easily plow into me so the danger isn't over and she didn't feel it as important to tell him "Oh, you need to call your gf quickly becuase she has had car trouble. This, people is how insignificant I am in this person's life, to be dismissed out of hand as easily as a telemarketing call just before supper. I see through her so called christian veneer and how she looks down on me and for what, WHO KNOWS.

One can only take so much of this treatment from someone, it makes one feel so low of themselves eventually, to be ostrasized by their family like that. My fiance originally told me to drive up on Friday so we could continue the weekend til Sunday but me, go there, and made to feel like an outsider, no thank you, I will take my helping of cold shoulder and indifference in my own home from afar. So, this is how my day ended, with me needing some kind of valium to calm me down and finally getting confirmation that I just don't matter...even in an emergency situation.

Ta Ra

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