It's Howdy Doody Time


OMG very night I go to bed and pray..,"Please G-d, let low rise skinny jeans NOT be the trend for Fall. Please.  And I know you're really busy, what with the the loss of New Jersey and all, but I just read that Japan is beginning to recover from the tsunami, the water is really receding, so that should free you up a little bit.  Also if you could do something about the over the knee boot..."

Please, please, I am so tired of sucking it in, tightening it up, straightening it, extending it, lifting it and injecting it.  I am afraid at some point it will cause more harm than good.  I can sum it up in two words...ELSA PATTON.  Google her.

The other morning, I took a sip of my much beloved Dunkin Donuts coffee, only to feel it dribble down my chin, and then watch it land on my bathrobe.  My second sip produced the same result.  It became clear to me that I had suffered a stroke during the night.  Clinging to the wall, I slowly made my way to the bathroom mirror.  Each step was a struggle, as I fought to stay lucid and awake.  My right foot was numb, and  I had to drag it slowly behind me.

Finally reaching the bathroom, I  glanced in the mirror anticipating hideous slackness and drool, when I noticed the little red spots above my lip and remembered:  Oh yeah, Doc C suggested more botox around the mouth.  Dude.  You didn't tell me I would end up speaking like Dick Clark on his last New Year's eve show.  Sure he was amazing and may he rest in peace, but COME ON.

This brings us to a very important question: Is it better to have a few lines around the mouth or be line free and spew vile spittle in people's faces when having a conversation?  Which is  more of a turn off? Six of one I guess...

Most likely I will never give up my botox, or restlyane or juvederm. Or Pearlane.  How can I look in the mirror and see my face hit my shoulders when I know there is a man around the corner with a vial of poison that can keep all lines off my forehead.  So what if I look like I'm working a ventriloquist doll when I speak? 

Eventually, Doc C is going to suggest calling in the Cavalry and doing a little slice and dice, instead of just injectables.  I know that day is coming and I need to be prepared.  I would like to tell you that that is where I will draw the line.  I would like to tell you that when that day comes, I will look Dr. C. in the eye and say "Dr. C, this is who I am.  I have earned each of these smile lines.  This one is from when my daughter made the winning shot in her lacrosse game.  This one is from when they removed my sons' house arrest bracelet.  These are part of me."  Yes  I would LIKE to tell you I will say this, but I'm afraid what I WILL say, is "How much and how long before  I can start wearing make up again?"

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