It's My Pregnancy and I'll Complain if I Want To

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After two previous high risk pregnancies, a traumatic birth with my second son which culminated in me needing a blood transfusion, and a new pregnancy which has been riddled with pain, bleeding, and much stress, forgive me for needing to get something off my chest...

Coming from a family of five children, and all of my siblings have children by age 21, I was under the assumption that having kids would be no big deal for me. So when I was diagnosed with PCOS and infertility at age 23, I was nearly destroyed. I was told that getting pregnant naturally would almost certainly never happen, and if I wanted to have any chance of getting pregnant at all, I should do it as soon as possible. My ex-husband and I took it to heart, and we began "trying" within the week. It didn't last long, though. For many reasons that I won't go into here, we were talked into waiting until our two year marriage was "more established" before going for it.

By age 25, though, I was starting to panic. I ended up on fertility medications to try and get my cycles regular, and I commiserated with my 40-year-old co-worker who had been trying for years to get pregnant with no luck. We leaned on each other for support, and we both helped each other to not give up.

At age 26, I was told my best chance to help battle my PCOS and get things going was to lose a significant amount of weight. I had surgery, and in a year, I lost well over 100 pounds. But unfortunately in that time, my ex-husband and I had come to the decision that we were no longer right for each other, and we decided to divorce. At that point, I lost all hope of ever having kids.

Age 28 - Blowing away all thoughts of children. I started smoking because I didn't care anymore.
Age 28 - Blowing away all thoughts of children. I started smoking because I didn't care anymore.

About five months later, I met Mark, and we began seeing each other. On our first date, we discussed having kids, and we both admitted to the fantasy of having three kids—two boys and a girl. But I felt the need to tell him that I struggled with fertility and likely would not be able to have kids. He admitted that there had been a time in his previous marriage where they, too, had tried for a baby with no result. He thought he might be infertile, as well.

May 2010 - At Glastonbury, where I made a wish in the Goddess Temple that I would get pregnant. Didn't know I already was!
May 2010 - At Glastonbury, where I made a wish in the Goddess Temple that I would get pregnant. Didn't know I already was!

You can imagine our surprise (and elation!) when we found out after 3.5 months together that we were pregnant. There were so many unexpected emotions in that first pregnancy. I was excited, obviously, but I was also scared out of my mind. We didn't really know each other that well, and parenting is a big responsibility. I was struck with some pretty severe prenatal depression. I self-harmed a lot. I was also struck down with many different medical issues and I spent a lot of time admitted to the hospital due to upsetting test results, hemorrhages, and even going into labor at 32 weeks.

But it was all worth it when Pip came out perfect and healthy.

Feb 2011 - Baby Pip twelve days old.
Feb 2011 - Baby Pip twelve days old.

A year and a half later, I was pregnant again, and the experience was once again traumatic. I once again struggled with depression, but it wasn't as severe. I did, however, experience hyperemesis gravidarum, a condition that saw me vomiting continuously throughout my entire pregnancy. I actually lost a lot of weight during the pregnancy because of it. I was struck with a terrible bacterial infection which was resistant to antibiotics and necessitated me being on some medicine that was VERY unsafe in pregnancy. I was once again high risk, and in the many many scans we had during the pregnancy, we were given a LOT of information that turned out not to be true. We were told our baby had a hole in his heart that may need to be operated on as soon as he was born. We were told he had a high risk of having Down Syndrome. We were told he was not thriving and would be very small and sickly.

Nov 2012 - 27 weeks pregnant with Baby Cheerio
Nov 2012 - 27 weeks pregnant with Baby Cheerio

Once again, I went into labor early and had to be put on blood pressure medicine to stop the constant contractions I was having. I also was put on bed rest for the last three months of the pregnancy. When I was about six weeks from my due date, I began itching terribly all over and having pains. It turned out I had Obstetric Cholestasis, which caused me to itch unbearably. I had bloody scratches all over (especially my hands) and was driven insane by it. My doctor made the decision to do an emergency induction and have the baby early.

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