It's like a penis pump for your nose

Anyone who has kids or is around kids or walks by kids or has heard of kids knows they are gross.

They poop and pee and puke.

They put everything in their mouths (like yesterday when Cassidy was caught licking the bottom of my shoe- wtf).

Aaaand- they have nasal drip issues. Boogers and snot, oh my. And when the snot isn't being wiped on my pant leg, it's making my children sound like little Darth Vadery types.

Since kids are not so good at blowing their noses, you usually have one of those blue bulby nose suckers that looks like it could baste your turkey in its off hours. The blue bulby nose sucker? Sucks. (In that it doesn't suck and that just sucks- I'm like a riddler, yes?)

And after reading a facebook friend's rave review, I eagerly hopped online and ordered one of these Nose Frida suckers:* I couldn't wait for it to arrive.

Like a kid waiting for Christmas, I counted down the days. I would exclaim, "Only 2 more days until Nose Frida comes!" to my husband and kids. Nobody really responded. I don't know why.

And then it came! In its super-sized Amazon box (why oh why do they do this?). I pulled it out and was about to break into a happy dance. Nose Frida! Nose Frida!

In case you aren't familiar wit this miracle product of delight, you stick it in your kid's nostril and suuuuuck the snot out. With your mouth! Genius!

But after closer examination, I realized it looks a lot like a pump. For your penis. Huh.

My friends, this little penis pump snot sucker works like woah. And the kids actually like it. I caught Cassidy trying to shnocker snot and boogs out of Finn's nose with it last night. Which is probably not safe, now that I think about it. And neither is using it on your nethers, people. Always follow directions. Safety first, you know.

* In case you were wondering, Nose Frida did not endorse this blog post. They don't know I exist.

** Thanks to Austin Powers, I know what a penis pump looks like. I actually have no personal experience with one. I also don't have a penis. And now I've said penis so many times in this post that porn-searchers are going to land on this page and be super disappointed.

*** Seriously, you shouldn't use this on your nethers. If you end up in the ER and blame me, that's on you Dude.