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My older son being, well older, was trying to explain, albeit loudly and abruptly, to his younger sib the concept of "friends" on XBox Live. His younger brother would hear none of it. He only perceived his older brother as being bossy instead of intending to be protective. (and yes, I had a moment of parental pride about the older one's intention.) I came on the scene when an exasperated older son was insisting I "do something" about his younger brother "going online and talking to strangers!"
Welcome to our living room:
Me: What's going on?
Older Son: He's playing against people he doesn't know on the Xbox.
Younger Son: No I'm not. It says they are his friends.
Older Son: They aren't my friends, I don't know those people.
Younger Son: Then why does it say they are your friends?
Older Son: They don't mean they are my actual friends. I don't know them. XBox just calls it being friends but it's not really being friends. It's not like FaceBook.
Younger Son: Stares blankly at brother because he is too young to be on Facebook and doesn't know what the hell the comparison means.
Me: Let's pause the game for a minute so we can talk.
Younger son: Okay, but I'm still going to play with his friends.
Older Son: NO YOU AREN'T! I DON'T KNOW THEM! Listen. Let me show you on the Xbox who my friends actually are. (tries to get the controller from his younger brother)
Younger Son: (holding controller to chest) NO! STOP! I know who they are already. It says on the Xbox these are your friends.
Older Son: NO! Mom? He doesn't get it! Those aren't my friends. He doesn't know them either. He's going to get in trouble.
Me: How so?
Older Son: Oh wait. He doesn't have the headset on.
Younger Son: I'm not gonna wear your headset, it's stupid.
Me: If he doesn't wear the headset, can he hear what anyone else is saying? Can he speak to anyone else without the headset?
Older Son: No. He has to wear it if he wants to speak to or hear anyone else.
Younger Son: I'm not going to wear the headset, it's stupid.
Me: Is there any way for him to give other players any information about his identity? Can he send text messages?
Older Son: No. He doesn't know how to do that. It's complicated.
Younger Son: I'm not putting on the headset, it's stupid.
Me: He's not wearing the headset, in fact it sounds like he never wants to wear it. I think it's okay for him to play against people if he's not really talking to them or hearing what they might be saying.
We pause to watch Younger Son playing the game.
Older Son: Hey, wait a minute! Don't sent out invites to people you don't know! Mom, he's sending invites out!
Me: Invites?
Younger Son: I can do that! Otherwise how do they know I want to play with them?
Older Son: MOM! He's sending invites!
Me: Do the invites have personal information in them? Like his real name and where we live?
Older Son: No.
Me: Then I think it's okay. Howe else will he find other people to play against?
Younger Son: I'm not talking to them! I'm just asking them to play FIFA with me. No one is sending me messages back or anything. If they did, I would tell you.
Older Son: Oh. Then that's okay. Just don't accept messages. Lemme show you how to not get them.
Me: Have we figured out that what he's doing is safe?
Older Son: Yeah. He's all set now.
Younger Son: Yup, he helped me. I know how to do this now.
Me: Crisis over?
Both: Yes.
Me: Can I play and wear the stupid headset next?
Both give me The Look which silently dictates, "Stop trying to be cool when you are so not."
Later over dinner I let both of them know I was very proud of them. Older son looking out for younger son, younger son listening (for the most part) to older son's reasons for his concern. Older son getting me involved when he was unsure of the safety of his younger brother's actions. I let both of them know that while it is my responsibility as the adult to give them appropriate supervision, I also need to allow them the opportunity for them learn how to take responsibility for their own online behavior too. During dinner we discussed the differences in what a 9 year old and a 14 year old will be able to access online, and always if it is the first try, only with adult permission. So what do other
