Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant at 16: What's a parent to do?
by Nordette

I have a confession: I didn't know Britney Spears had a little sister, and the existence of OK Magzine, the publication that broke the story about that sister's now highly-publicized pregnancy, also escaped me. So, my first reaction to the news that Britney's 16-year-old sister Jamie Lynn is pregnant was "Why is this important?" Then my real life kicked in and I forgot all about Jamie Lynn's teen pregnancy drama.

Later, I'm home exhausted, flipping channels. When I swing by CNN's Headline News, what's on? A ShowBiz Tonight special, Jamie Lynn, pregnant at 16!

Entertainment pundits go on about what it means that the younger Spears has a show on the kids' channel Nickelodean, "Zoey 101," with a "squeaky clean image." They ask, "Should Nickelodean fire her?"

One of the pundits said that Nick shouldn't fire the teen because firing women for pregnancy is illegal in this country. She suggested Nick should do something meaningful with Jamie Lynn's predicament and write the troubling issue into the script. Then, for me, a revelation --Lynne Spears, mother of the two young women, had a parenting book in the works that's now been nixed by Christian book publisher Thomas Nelson. According to the ShortNews site and UsMagazine.com, Mama Spears' book was supposed to focus on parenting skills have "faith elements."

With all this news rushing at me about the Spears family, I opened my computer and started googling.

Bill Fezzie at Inside Fatherhood said the pregnancy announcement left him speechless, and he's more up on the Spears than I am. Earlier in November he'd commented on the mother's upcoming book:

My biggest surprise is that the book is not entitled What not to do or How to raise a misguided child. Instead, Lynne Spears is titling the book Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World. (IF)

Fezzie may have been speechless over the pregnancy announcement, but others like conservative talk show host Glenn Beck declared the younger Spears' pregnancy to be no shocker to him and followed with a spiel about the decline of family values in America.

Gee, with family values teetering over the abyss, little Jamie Lynne's predicament must be a ratings driver. CNN's already riding the story hard, even posting this article, "How do you talk to kids about Britney's sister?" The advice, with the exception of a video link to a psychologist discussing teen pregnancy, is made up of reader responses to the question. And over at Virginia's Richmond Times-Dispatch they've found parents three "experts" who discuss Spears. See "Bad example can lead to a good talk."

For definitive tips about how to talk to tweens (preadolescents), check out Zoey's Pregnancy 101 at MomLogic.com. That site's editor-in-chief, Sabrina Weill, is the author of The Real Truth about Teens and Sex, and she's the source of the tips which in brief are the following.

  1. Make the gravity of the situation feel real for your tween.
  2. Make sure your tween knows she can come to you no matter what.
  3. Keep the conversation going.

The full tips with details and script for talking to your child are at this link.

More gasoline for this fire

I'm searching the Net and listening to the TV. Jamie Lynn's story's everywhere. It's reported that she and her boyfriend, the baby's father, met in church. So, teaching abstinence is under fire again. One ShowBiz Tonight pundit (sorry, I couldn't keep up with who was who) reminded viewers that the Spears family is from Louisiana where abstinence has been taught as part of the sex education curriculum, er, possibly instead of the sex education curriculum.

Hitting the subject from a different angle and with what may provoke screams from the pro-life sector, the blogger at PoliTits wonders why Jamie Lynn would even have the baby much less keep the baby?

My conversation with The Dancer (formerly known as The Eldest) age 16:
The Dancer: So Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.
Me: And she's having it! Have these people never heard of abortions?
The Dancer: I think their parents think that it will teach them responsibility if they have the bay and put it up for adoption. You'd make me have an abortion.
Me: (One eyebrow cocked.) You bet I would.
The Dancer: Well, don't worry. If I got pregnant now, it would be a miracle since I'm not having sex with anyone.
Me: (Both eyebrows raised in surprise.) Good to know, but if.....
The Dancer: Don't worry! Even if I were, I'd be safe, but if I got pregnant, I'd have an abortion and you wouldn't even have to force me to. (PoliTits)

(Side note: Apparently the PoliTits blogger is hitting family subjects lately more than usual because she apologizes to her readers at the beginning of the post who may worry she's running a mommy blog.)

But the dialogue that may be most provocative to Mommy and Family readers here at BlogHer is one that pops up often, the question of who has the right to call a mom a "bad mother." Again a question from ShowBiz Tonight, should Britney and Jamie Lynn's mother, Lynne Spears, be blamed for the turn of her daughters' lives? They were not the only ones asking this question.

Across the web, the gloves were off Wednesday, if they'd ever been on.

"Is Lynne Spears an even worse mother than Britney?" asked celebrity editor Bonnie Fuller on The Huffington Post. She excoriated her for apparently never having had "the talk" with her daughters: the talk about birth control, and the dangers of unprotected sex. (Jamie Lynn, the star of Nickelodeon's "Zoey 101," told OK! magazine that she was 12 weeks pregnant and the father was 19-year-old boyfriend Casey Aldridge.)

Even worse than an apparent lack of parental guidance, for many, was the possibility that the Spears family stood to profit financially from the pregnancy story. A spokesman for OK! magazine, which routinely pays celebrities for their co-operation, would not comment on whether it had paid for the story.

"The sad thing is that you now have a second daughter with a career built on scandal, and a mother who is leading the charge," said Janice Min, veteran celebrity-watcher and editor of US Weekly. (The Canadian Press)

I can hear my own mother's voice in my ear, "Why do they always blame the mother?"

As is clear from the beginning of this post, I don't follow the Spears and their family dysfunction. Perhaps those who do have valid points to make about Mama Spears and poor parenting skills. I'll try not to judge, but since religion and "family" values are hot buttons on this very public teen pregnancy, I present an observation I heard from a minister comforting those suffering with parental guilt about possibly being bad parents. Referencing the story of Adam and Eve, he said "These are two people who had the perfect parent, and look what happened!"

All parents can do is their best. Only Lynne Spears and her children know if she's done that.

Teen pregnancy deserves deeper contemplation that you wont' find in this post; therefore, I hope readers will share their opinions on some of the tough topics protruding from Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy and also share links to other bloggers talking about this subject.

Photo Credits: Jamie Lynn's OK cover picture from OK Magazine, the publication that broke the story. Mama Lynne Spears picture from SuperNannyRules.

Nordette Adams is a Contributing Editor for BlogHer.org whose last post also touched on pregnancy, sort of.

Submitted by Nordette (view blog) on Wed, 12/19/2007 - 10:49pm

Comments

 

So, Jamie's Got A Baby. And?

First of all, poor Jamie's ordeal is not unique. There are millions of teens who get pregnant each year, yet we have a HUGE media circus when a celeb teen becomes pregnant instead of focusing this attention on preventing teen pregnancys in MEANINGFUL ways.

I think Jamie's situation is only compounded by the fact that she is Britney's litter sister. Had she been random teen actress # 22, CNN wouldn't be covering this like it's a terrorist attack on American families. No one even blinked when Beyoncee's little sister came up preggo. Matter of fact, she and the baby ended up along side Beyoncee in a WalMart ad.

So what a girl got pregnant. I don't blame her mother. There is only so much mothering you can do once your children reach an age in which they are working & thinking for themselves. Mama Spears had a pretty good run, though. Her daughters were doing pretty fine for a while, and then all this other stuff came into play: money, fame, media.

The media needs to deconstruct themselves instead of this woman's parenting skills (although she WAS reaching with that book lol). The media loves to hoist people onto pedestals, only to try to knock them right off and broadcast it on YouTube.

~~~
Come See Me: http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com

Submitted by theprisonerswife on Thu, 12/20/2007 - 07:05
 

I'm just sick of the story

I'm just sick of the story already. These girls didn't take their roles as, what else, "role models" very seriously. I imagine 16-year-old girls everywhere will be rightfully confused by this news.

I'm starting to think the pro-birth control programs at high schools across the country are failing today's teens. Obviously Jamie Lynn didn't use any, and she's got a tough journey ahead of her. I do hope she can raise her child in a loving and happy environment.

Submitted by Dana J. Tuszke on Thu, 12/20/2007 - 20:28
 

What's a parent to do?

I dunno, get the federal government to reverse the recent ban on funding sex-ed in schools unless it's abstinence only?

I'm using this as an opportunity. Not that I just enjoyed the conversation i had with my not quite 10 year-old daughter about the whole thing. Though i did enjoy the moment that asked her what she thought about all of it and she said, "makes me glad i'm not an idiot."

Now, I did talk her down a lot, plenty of smart girls with good parents get pregnant. And introduced the idea of getting carried away in the heat of the moment (using soccer as an example, when you say things you didn't mean to say because you are swept up in the moment....)

But all in all, it still gets back to good sex ed for me. These kids met in church, they have involved parents, and they are still pregnant. Kids have sex. They need to be educated about it. Period. And, at least in Washington State, the cannot have access to federal money unless they teach abstinence only. And that, my friends, is foolish.
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Thu, 12/20/2007 - 20:52
 

A Related Article- "When Zoey 101 Becomes
Zoey 102"

Hi There,
I'm a nationally-syndicated parenting columnist and author of a new parenting book from Random House called CAN I HAVE A CELL PHONE FOR HANUKKAH? I saw this discussion and I thought you might like to read my latest column called "When Zoey 101 Becomes Zoey 102". It's posted on my "21st Century Parenting" blog at http://sharonestroff.blogspot.com/

Here's the article:

When Zoey 101 Becomes Zoey 102

But it can't be true. I mean it wasn't true with Miley Cyrus, was it? How could the 16-year-old star of Nickelodeon's squeaky-clean "Zoey 101" be knocked up? How could little Jamie Lynn Spears be trumping big sis Brit in tabloid cover-story potential? And - much more importantly - how on Earth am I going to explain Zoey's gestational state to my 5-year-old daughter, the self-proclaimed "predisent" of her fan club?

"Media is everywhere and it is a super-peer; it's raising your kids as much as you are," says Liz Perle, editor in chief of Common Sense Media. "It normalizes situations like this and makes it acceptable. ... Our children are introduced to things way too early, but it's up to us as parents to seize hold of the situation."

Still, from a parental standpoint, the pregnancy of Nickelodeon's darling seems more poignant, more threatening than your run-of-the-mill star scandal. And it is. Because it forces us to have "the big talk" with our kids whether or not we deem them (or ourselves) ready.

"Thank you, Jamie Lynn," says Dr. Judy Kuriansky, a clinical psychologist on the faculty of Columbia University Teachers College. "You have ruined the innocence of lots of kids and mothers who would rather not talk about this.

"But," Kuriansky continues, "if you don't talk about it, you're in even worse shape." And she's right, because whether or not we've ever even heard of 'tween goddess Jamie Lynn Spears, you can bet that our kids have. And so have all their friends on the playground who are passing this story around like a bad case of the flu.

In other words, while it may be tempting to respond to our Zoey-inspired crisis by making Jamie/Britney/Mama Spears voodoo dolls, such savage measures will not help our situation. Instead we must embrace the silver lining of Jamie Lynn's cloud: a classic teachable moment. Here are some tips toward navigating the (virtually inevitable) "Zoey conversation" that lies ahead with your kids:

Test the waters. OK, so the New York Times reported that Star Magazine and its sister tabloids have replaced The Baby-sitters Club books in the favorite 'tween literature category. But the outside chance remains that your child has not heard about "Zoey 101's" latest adventures. Begin your conversation therefore, by asking your child what she knows about Jamie Lynn Spears. If you're confident she's oblivious, quickly change the subject to more childlike fare.

Open the floor for questions. Should you determine that your kid is clued into the fact that Spears is with child, don't jump in with a prepackaged, premeditated lecture. Instead let your child's questions guide your conversation. This will help you avoid spilling more info than necessary while keeping the discussion age-appropriate.

State the facts. As your child starts dishing out doozies, remain cool while answering the questions as honestly, factually and succinctly as possible. "Yes, it is true that Jamie Lynn is pregnant. The baby is due in the spring. I don't know if she will still be on 'Zoey 101.'"

Don't dance around the big ones. I know what you're thinking, "But what happens when my child asks me how a kid like Zoey could get pregnant in the first place?!" Of course, our knee-jerk reaction will be to run for cover at the first sign of this dreaded question, but we've already established that avoidance is not a viable option.

If you feel comfortable tackling this one on your own, go for it. If not, turn to the library for assistance. "Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle and "What's the Big Secret: Talking About Sex with Boys and Girls" by Laurie Kransy and Marc Brown (of "Arthur" fame) are both great resources.

Reclaim the helm. While we've allowed our children's questions to shape our conversation up to this point, it's time to take back the helm. After all, in this age of the media-saturated childhood, our kids' value systems feel up for grabs, and we can't go down without a fight.

In other words don't end your Zoey chat without some heavy talk about good old fashioned values. So turn off the TV and look your children right in the eye as you clearly communicate the hopes, dreams and expectations you hold - and will always hold - for their present and future.

Sharon Duke Estroff is an internationally syndicated parenting columnist, award-winning educator and mother of four. Her parenting book, “Can I Have a Cell Phone for Hanukkah?” (Broadway Books) is now available everywhere books are sold. www.sharonestroff.com.

Submitted by Author_Mama on Sat, 12/29/2007 - 15:14
 

Bless you, Nordette!

"These are two people who had the perfect parent, and look what happened!"

I've missed your wit and sense of humor. (Oh, yes - you know me, but I'll let you figure out from where and under what pseudonym. Should be fun...)

Anyway, I had "the talk" with both of my kids (one girl, one boy) when they were about seven. I figured a pre-emptive strike was in order, before they were misinformed by teachers, friends, and the village idiot. (It really does take a village to raise a child properly; unfortunately, my village seems to be overrun by idiots these days.) It's not that hard, is it, to talk to your kids? About...anything?

Unfortunately, you can only do so much. At some point, they will come in contact with competing views and values, and at some point they start making choices for themselves. You can never tell which way rebellion will sway them, either - whether they'll rebel against everything you stand for, or choose to live by the values you taught them in spite of the fact that they'd dearly love to be independent of you and rub your face in it. Ah, the truth is usually some happily dysfunctional middle ground, and everyone survives it.

What I think is truly horrible is the public interest in the sordid details of the Spears' girls lives. Enough, already. By turning what should be shameful into a hallmark of celebrity, we achieve the exact opposite of what I hope we really want to achieve...

---------------
Holly Jahangiri
http://jahangiri.us/blog

Submitted by holly_jahangiri on Tue, 01/01/2008 - 12:56