Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant at 16: What's a parent to do?

"These are two people who had the perfect parent, and look what happened!"

I've missed your wit and sense of humor. (Oh, yes - you know me, but I'll let you figure out from where and under what pseudonym. Should be fun...)

Anyway, I had "the talk" with both of my kids (one girl, one boy) when they were about seven. I figured a pre-emptive strike was in order, before they were misinformed by teachers, friends, and the village idiot. (It really does take a village to raise a child properly; unfortunately, my village seems to be overrun by idiots these days.) It's not that hard, is it, to talk to your kids? About...anything?

Unfortunately, you can only do so much. At some point, they will come in contact with competing views and values, and at some point they start making choices for themselves. You can never tell which way rebellion will sway them, either - whether they'll rebel against everything you stand for, or choose to live by the values you taught them in spite of the fact that they'd dearly love to be independent of you and rub your face in it. Ah, the truth is usually some happily dysfunctional middle ground, and everyone survives it.

What I think is truly horrible is the public interest in the sordid details of the Spears' girls lives. Enough, already. By turning what should be shameful into a hallmark of celebrity, we achieve the exact opposite of what I hope we really want to achieve...

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Holly Jahangiri
http://jahangiri.us/blog

Hi There,
I'm a nationally-syndicated parenting columnist and author of a new parenting book from Random House called CAN I HAVE A CELL PHONE FOR HANUKKAH? I saw this discussion and I thought you might like to read my latest column called "When Zoey 101 Becomes Zoey 102". It's posted on my "21st Century Parenting" blog at http://sharonestroff.blogspot.com/

Here's the article:

When Zoey 101 Becomes Zoey 102

But it can't be true. I mean it wasn't true with Miley Cyrus, was it? How could the 16-year-old star of Nickelodeon's squeaky-clean "Zoey 101" be knocked up? How could little Jamie Lynn Spears be trumping big sis Brit in tabloid cover-story potential? And - much more importantly - how on Earth am I going to explain Zoey's gestational state to my 5-year-old daughter, the self-proclaimed "predisent" of her fan club?

"Media is everywhere and it is a super-peer; it's raising your kids as much as you are," says Liz Perle, editor in chief of Common Sense Media. "It normalizes situations like this and makes it acceptable. ... Our children are introduced to things way too early, but it's up to us as parents to seize hold of the situation."

Still, from a parental standpoint, the pregnancy of Nickelodeon's darling seems more poignant, more threatening than your run-of-the-mill star scandal. And it is. Because it forces us to have "the big talk" with our kids whether or not we deem them (or ourselves) ready.

"Thank you, Jamie Lynn," says Dr. Judy Kuriansky, a clinical psychologist on the faculty of Columbia University Teachers College. "You have ruined the innocence of lots of kids and mothers who would rather not talk about this.

"But," Kuriansky continues, "if you don't talk about it, you're in even worse shape." And she's right, because whether or not we've ever even heard of 'tween goddess Jamie Lynn Spears, you can bet that our kids have. And so have all their friends on the playground who are passing this story around like a bad case of the flu.

In other words, while it may be tempting to respond to our Zoey-inspired crisis by making Jamie/Britney/Mama Spears voodoo dolls, such savage measures will not help our situation. Instead we must embrace the silver lining of Jamie Lynn's cloud: a classic teachable moment. Here are some tips toward navigating the (virtually inevitable) "Zoey conversation" that lies ahead with your kids:

Test the waters. OK, so the New York Times reported that Star Magazine and its sister tabloids have replaced The Baby-sitters Club books in the favorite 'tween literature category. But the outside chance remains that your child has not heard about "Zoey 101's" latest adventures. Begin your conversation therefore, by asking your child what she knows about Jamie Lynn Spears. If you're confident she's oblivious, quickly change the subject to more childlike fare.

Open the floor for questions. Should you determine that your kid is clued into the fact that Spears is with child, don't jump in with a prepackaged, premeditated lecture. Instead let your child's questions guide your conversation. This will help you avoid spilling more info than necessary while keeping the discussion age-appropriate.

State the facts. As your child starts dishing out doozies, remain cool while answering the questions as honestly, factually and succinctly as possible. "Yes, it is true that Jamie Lynn is pregnant. The baby is due in the spring. I don't know if she will still be on 'Zoey 101.'"

Don't dance around the big ones. I know what you're thinking, "But what happens when my child asks me how a kid like Zoey could get pregnant in the first place?!" Of course, our knee-jerk reaction will be to run for cover at the first sign of this dreaded question, but we've already established that avoidance is not a viable option.

If you feel comfortable tackling this one on your own, go for it. If not, turn to the library for assistance. "Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle and "What's the Big Secret: Talking About Sex with Boys and Girls" by Laurie Kransy and Marc Brown (of "Arthur" fame) are both great resources.

Reclaim the helm. While we've allowed our children's questions to shape our conversation up to this point, it's time to take back the helm. After all, in this age of the media-saturated childhood, our kids' value systems feel up for grabs, and we can't go down without a fight.

In other words don't end your Zoey chat without some heavy talk about good old fashioned values. So turn off the TV and look your children right in the eye as you clearly communicate the hopes, dreams and expectations you hold - and will always hold - for their present and future.

Sharon Duke Estroff is an internationally syndicated parenting columnist, award-winning educator and mother of four. Her parenting book, “Can I Have a Cell Phone for Hanukkah?” (Broadway Books) is now available everywhere books are sold. www.sharonestroff.com ( http://www.sharonestroff.com ).

I dunno, get the federal government to reverse the recent ban on funding sex-ed in schools unless it's abstinence only?

I'm using this as an opportunity. Not that I just enjoyed the conversation i had with my not quite 10 year-old daughter about the whole thing. Though i did enjoy the moment that asked her what she thought about all of it and she said, "makes me glad i'm not an idiot."

Now, I did talk her down a lot, plenty of smart girls with good parents get pregnant. And introduced the idea of getting carried away in the heat of the moment (using soccer as an example, when you say things you didn't mean to say because you are swept up in the moment....)

But all in all, it still gets back to good sex ed for me. These kids met in church, they have involved parents, and they are still pregnant. Kids have sex. They need to be educated about it. Period. And, at least in Washington State, the cannot have access to federal money unless they teach abstinence only. And that, my friends, is foolish.
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Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com ( http://www.JustCauseIt.com )

I'm just sick of the story already. These girls didn't take their roles as, what else, "role models" very seriously. I imagine 16-year-old girls everywhere will be rightfully confused by this news.

I'm starting to think the pro-birth control programs at high schools across the country are failing today's teens. Obviously Jamie Lynn didn't use any, and she's got a tough journey ahead of her. I do hope she can raise her child in a loving and happy environment.

First of all, poor Jamie's ordeal is not unique. There are millions of teens who get pregnant each year, yet we have a HUGE media circus when a celeb teen becomes pregnant instead of focusing this attention on preventing teen pregnancys in MEANINGFUL ways.

I think Jamie's situation is only compounded by the fact that she is Britney's litter sister. Had she been random teen actress # 22, CNN wouldn't be covering this like it's a terrorist attack on American families. No one even blinked when Beyoncee's little sister came up preggo. Matter of fact, she and the baby ended up along side Beyoncee in a WalMart ad.

So what a girl got pregnant. I don't blame her mother. There is only so much mothering you can do once your children reach an age in which they are working & thinking for themselves. Mama Spears had a pretty good run, though. Her daughters were doing pretty fine for a while, and then all this other stuff came into play: money, fame, media.

The media needs to deconstruct themselves instead of this woman's parenting skills (although she WAS reaching with that book lol). The media loves to hoist people onto pedestals, only to try to knock them right off and broadcast it on YouTube.

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Come See Me: http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com