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Passionate for women's rights and leadership advancement, through my books, speeches and workshops, and media. My newest book, No Excuses: 9 Ways Wom...
 
 
 
 

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The Joys (and Occasional Challenges) of Mentoring and Sponsoring

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A “Heartfeldt” THANK YOU to everyone who read and commented on my virgin column. Your lively responses, challenges, and questions affirm that leadership issues are high on the agenda.

Hands down the hottest topic in questions this past two weeks was mentoring.  Such as:

What’s the relationship between mentoring and fostering leadership capacity in women? Mentoring compared to sponsorship? How do you get a mentor and cultivate a mutually beneficial relationship? How to lead, mentor, and retain high performing employees? How to get a mentor or be a mentor when you’re a consultant or an entrepreneurial business of one?

Great questions all, threading into two major categories around which there are many stories and studies to share:

  • Finding, choosing, and effectively using a mentor/sponsor
  • Being a mentor/sponsor

Sponsors and mentors: Both Needed

The recent study from Catalyst, an organization that for forty years has researched and recommended ways to bring women to parity in the workplace and on corporate boards of directors, generated buzz by distinguishing between mentors and sponsors.  A mentor gives advice and support—very important assets to anyone seeking to rise or accomplish things in the world. We all need mentors, and we all should be mentors.

mentorship

Credit Image: “Fork in the Road” Photo, Debra Condren, AmbitonIsNotADirtyWord.com, Used with Permission.

But according to Catalyst, if women want to break through the remaining thick walls, sticky floors, or glass ceilings—however you choose to characterize what keeps women stuck at 18% of top leadership positions across all sectors--we have to kick it up a notch.

Female employees who work hard and play by the rules are often overlooked when it comes to plum assignments and big promotions…Effective sponsorship is critical to accelerating a woman’s career—from getting her noticed by senior-level executives to being considered for her company’s top jobs.

A sponsor does just that, proactively giving you a leg up, a referral, a strategic vision for the long haul of the career trajectory.

Do you have both? Do you do both?

Finding, choosing, effectively using mentors and sponsors

Entrepreneur Andrea March, cofounder of the Women’s Leadership Exchange (a great resource) advises: “I’d Google and e-mail someone else who has done the same kind of business, say I’m just starting out in the business and I want to ask what were the challenges. I would network and join organizations, go to women’s blogs, and ask did you do a business plan, how did you finance? Communicate your struggle and do not be embarrassed about it--but there’s one thing I’d never lose sight of:

If you are passionate about starting your business, don’t ask anyone if they think you can. Ask how you would go about doing it. Not whether you should do it.

Brooke Axtell is a musician, an award-winning writer and founder of SHE: Survivor Healing and Empowerment whose example illustrates how mentoring and sponsoring relationships can evolve from informal to formal and back again.  She found executive coach Debra Condren’s book Ambition is Not a Dirty Word and says it caused her to experience a powerful shift in her perspective on ambition.

“I saw how I rejected even the word 'ambitious' because of gender socialization and all the negative associations, particularly equating ambition with selfishness and the exploitation of others. I sent Debra a note to thank her for her book.” Brooke said.

Then Debra discovered she loved one of Brooke’s songs and asked to use it for her audiobook. Brooke gave Debra use of the song and Debra gave Brooke several coaching sessions in exchange.

Brooke says:  “We are still in contact and Debra continues to support my work. She sent me a book, a DVD and helpful referrals to support my personal and professional growth. I deeply value our connection.”

On her blog, Debra outlines a terrific a step-by step guide for forming your own informal Board of Directors. “No one can expect to reach their goals in isolation,” asserts Debra

The joy of finding and being a mentor or sponsor is evident from these stories, and even more joyful is that both roles can be practiced simultaneously. It’s also important to remember that mentorship isn’t necessarily forever. Nor is it even necessarily long term. You can have many mentors over the course of your life, and you have the opportunity to mentor others, plural, over time and as benefits each of you.

Being a Mentor or Sponsor

A companion tool to the Catalyst report, Sponsoring Women to Success, offers additional information on how high-performing employees can attract sponsorship, and how senior leaders can become

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Gloria Feldt 8 pts

Hey everyone, I'm going to write my column for next week on leadership lessons from the past week's presidential speech and debate. What aspects would you like me to address?

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

I have a post on Facebook about a mentoring program I wrote about on my 9 Ways Blog (http://9ways.gloriafeldt.com/2011/09/07/shes-doing...

There ensued a somewhat personal exchange that I wanted to share with you here, and wondered if you have similar examples of mentoring advice that turned out not to be the best thing for you:

Gloria: Many women attribute their mother to be the very 1st mentoring relationship in their lives.

Lisa: My mother counseled me to go to college so I'd have something to fall back on, not the sort of message I gave my daughter.

Gloriat: Most of us of a certain age received that message, Lisa. Good example of how we have to evaluate the mentoring we get and not just swallow it uncritically!

Lisa: At least she told me to go to college·

Gloria: My mother was so smart and capable but she never behaved as though she thought she had power. In a way, I had to learn from seeing that the opposite was true. Took a long time though!

OneWomansEye 5 pts

Gloria,

As always wise words. Having a sponsor is so critical to surviving in the corporate landscape, that person who is willing to go to bat for you. It is something that we as women have often overlooked, thinking a mentor is enough when in fact advice alone is not enough to play the game.

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

Well said, and it sounds like you have had one and/or been one...care to chare stories? OneWomansEye

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

And by the way, don't you love the "Fork in the road" image that Debra Condren kindly let me use? Sometimes mentoring at just the right time in one's live really does create a fork in the road. Did that ever happen to you?

Denise Schultz 5 pts

this is a great conversation, so glad I found it! I am transitioning from stay at home mom and student, to hopefully gainfully employed within the women's movement. I find this conversation to be very useful, and I hope I can find a mentor once I am employed (if not sooner). Thanks for talking about these crucial concepts for women.

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

Denise Schultz Thanks for your comment, Denise. You might want to take Debra Condren's advice and create your own informal board of directors (link is in the article above) to support you and guide you on your new career path. Or as a one-time boost, if you aren't already connected with Women on Fire, I recommend attending a tea if you can. Here's a link to the website: http://www.debbiephillips.com/. There is something very affirming (self-mentoring?) about publicly declaring what you are going to do, as you have done here, and that is the premise of the teas as well.

Wishing you all the best in your new career!

paulag01 10 pts

I love what you share Gloria. Because even if you are a solopreneur, you don't do it solo! Mentors and advisors are crucial.

erintothemax 6 pts

First, I agree with Shelby that you are wonderful!

I have two mentors as well as two mentees. Working professionally within the women's movement, I strongly subscribe to the model of mentoring (knowledge transfer) rather than sponsorship (promotion) or coaching (how-to) for other young women. While there is a time and a place for sponsorship and coaching, what the women's movement appears to be in strong need of today is sharing knowledge while that's still practical and possible, between generations and approaches (not mutually exclusive categories).

For me, one of the greatest sources of joy in both my relationships as a mentee as well as mentor is openly disagreeing -- and yet appreciating the skills, insight and knowledge from the other side. My partnerships have transformed my life.

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

erintothemax Erin, thanks for explaining how you think about knowledge transfer as compared to the other aspects of mentoring, coaching, and sponsoring that we tend to think of in reference to career development. There's lots more to learn about life, and certainly lots more to movement building, than can be found in coaching and sponsoring. So it's helpful to the conversation that you have made that distinction.

That said, I also believe (and will write about this in depth in a future column) that the basic principles of movement building can be fruitfully applied to almost any endeavor whether in the work world or political and civic life. It's what I call Sister Courage: be a sister, have the courage to raise the issues, and put the two together into an organized plan to change or create whatever you want to do.

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

(Note: this is Gloria posting a comment Debra Condren, author of "Ambition Is Not a Dirty Word" put this on Facebook, and given her expertise on the topic, I wanted to share it with you.)

Great advice, Gloria. With mentoring, we get more POWER from powerful advice. From time to time, every ambitious woman needs feedback. We need a sounding board. If we don’t ask, we risk putting ourselves through unnecessary work every time we attempt to advance our goals. No matter how objective you try to be about your career decisions and strategies, you are going to be quite subjective simply because you are the subject. Others can always spot something about you and your situation that you yourself will miss. Mentoring is an indispensable tool we shouldn't hesitate to use.

ShelbyKnox 8 pts

Thanks, Gloria Feldt , for opening up this important conversation about mentoring. There's no way I would be where I am without mentors who give me advice, support, and an occasional kick in the rear!

The best thing I ever learned from one of my mentors is "there's as much to learn across generations as there is to teach" - meaning the mentor/mentee relationship should be symbiotic and younger women should respect their mentor but also feel equal to her.

Gloria, you're one of the women in the feminist movement who gave me confidence very early on because you treated me like an expert who deserved respect instead of like a scared kid, which is how I felt! When women I respect started to believe in me it accelerated my journey toward finding my own power and place in the world.

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

ShelbyKnox @ShelbyKnox You made me teary because you are such a natural leader yourself that your gracious acknowledgment of the value of mentors (including me, thank you so much) is most inspiring. Thank you for your kind words. And you are so right that mentorship goes both ways--always.

Sponsorship is a little different on its face because it specifically involves promoting someone else in a deliberate way, but even there, it can be a two way street.

One more think you've opened up for discussion is the responsibility each person has to bring someone else along, mentor the next person, and bring her through the doors we have walked through.

klmadison 5 pts

I've had a few mentors and they have made a HUGE difference in my life!!

Gloria Feldt 8 pts

klmadison Thanks! Care to share some examples? I think we all learn best by hearing one another's stories. And especially when it comes to mentoring because there's no real recipe and one size doesn't fit all.

klmadison 5 pts

Gloria Feldt The first one has to be my mother - she went back to college after being a stay-home mom. It was the mid-80s and not a very popular decision to say the least, especially with others in the family. But she really showed me very early the joys of being working when the odds were against you, as well as sharing what she was learning in her classes. It inspired me to the point where I knew as a 7th grade girl, I was totally college bound!

The other is one of my undergraduate journalism professors who was laser-focused on my then lack-luster writing skills. She showed me the love of the written word and the mighty power it yields when crafted with skill. She would send my work back, time-after-time but she always would say I had it in me to make my work amazing. She is still one of my biggest fans and when I achieve milestones in my life, she is one of the first people I share it with.

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bizshrink
bizshrink

GloriaFeldt NYC 10/13 or 14? Can also do the 17th. Pls DM email & phone number so we can plan details of our time & larger networking event

KJZZ_MEProducer
KJZZ_MEProducer

BlogHerCareer GloriaFeldt blogher -- In media, we don't take the time to do this often enough - great read!