Cloth Diapers or Store Bought Diapers?
Breastfeed or Bottle Feed?
Delay Vaccines or give vaccines?
I never realized it before I was a parent myself, but there are a LOT of judgments out there being passed on moms. If we give our kids too much attention, we’re considered “psycho attachment parenting advocates” who baby their children for too long, but if we don’t give our kids just the right amount of attention, we are judged for not being there enough.
It’s pretty much a lose/lose situation for a mom.
But, whether we like to admit it or not, we’ve all been on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to Judgmental Mommy’s.
As in, WE have been the ones passing judgment. Don’t bow out. We all know it’s happened whether we want it to or not. Passing judgment, albeit wrong, is a part of human nature. And I think that nature takes over a little bit more after we have kids. There are loads of other parents out there who don’t do things the way that we do, and we tend to think we can do them better.
Today, I’m going to lay it out there on the table.
I won’t hide behind a false pretense anymore.
I’m just going to say it:
I am a Judgmental Mommy.
But not all the time. I don’t pretend that I’m a perfect parent. Neither here on my blog, or in real life. I’ll be the first one to tell you that my kid watches too much television and that I use M&M’s to bribe coerce begreward my child for good behavior in a store. However, there are just some things that I can’t overlook:
If your house always looks like something from the TV Show Hoarders, then I’m probably going to judge you. Unless you are dying, have just lost someone, or have just had a baby, there is no reason for your house to constantly look like it hasn’t been cleaned in years. A little bit messy? Sure. A house that looks lived in? Who cares?! But a house that you can’t even walk into without falling (and I don’t mean tripping over a tiny toy or a little bitty pair of shoes), or a house littered with trash and dirty dishes? That’s disgusting. Period. Not to mention, it’s a health hazard to both you and your family. It’s a sign of laziness and lack of self-respect. Clean up or hire a housekeeper. Because if your house looks like that? My son will never step foot inside of it. And I’ll never eat there. Ugh.
Similarly, if you and your children look like you haven’t had a bath in 6 months, I’m probably not going to judge you, but I will probably feel sorry for you because of your evident lack of self-respect. Even after Little man was born, I took a shower every single day. I brushed my hair and my teeth every single day. I put on clean clothes EVERY single day. There are a lot of days that I don’t feel like getting up and doing anything. Motherhood is exhausting, and no one expects you to look like Cindy Crawford seven days a week. But, really. Take a few minutes to at least show the world that you care about yourself. Even if dieting and exercising aren’t part of your daily routine, a shower and a clean pair of clothes SHOULD be. And take time to brush your kids hair. And give THEM a bath and brush their teeth. Nothing says “I don’t pay attention to my kids and have no respect for my house or myself” like a nasty child and an unkempt mama.
Note: Let me add that there ARE days where we go out to the park or to the pond for playtime and Little Man gets dirty. And there are times that after said trip we run in the store or to Walmart or something and his clothes aren’t spotless. That happens to all of us. Please note that that isNOT what I’m referring to in the above statement. I’m talking about day in and day out, it never fails that you look like you haven’t had a bath in months. You guys know the kind of people I’m talking about. Please don’t confuse THAT with every day happenings and real life, “my kid had a blast playing in the mud” kind of mama’s.
If you’re child is the one who is constantly being nosy or a know it all, I’m probably going to judge you.Not because there is something wrong with curiosity, or because I have an issue with a child knowing something I don’t know. But because it is RUDE. And there is a such thing called “respect for adults” and “elders.” Curiosity in children is a GREAT thing and I am down for helping a child discover something new. But coming up to me every time you see me and asking what I’m doing, is being nosy. And it’s NONE OF YOUR KIDS BUSINESS.
If your child is 10 years old and throws fits like a two year old, while you stand there ignoring him/her and playing on your cell phone, I’m probably going to judge you. Tantrums are for toddlers. An angry or upset child is understandable. A child who gets mad and chooses to back talk his/her parents in public, is normal. But a child who lays down on the floor and kicks, screams, yells, cries, and acts like they need a Priest to perform an Exorcism, is not okay. Especially when they are old enough to be in school and are potty trained. Do something with your kid. Right now. Because clearly, you aren’t handling them at home either. And YES, everyone standing around watching this little fiasco as you catch up on Facebook or your game of Angry Birds, is judging you.
Note: This does not pertain to parents of toddlers and babies. We’ve all been there. Sometimes, a toddler is gonna throw a tantrum no matter what you do to stop it. It happens. And when it does, sometimes all you can do is ride the storm out. YOU, I do not judge.
If your kids spend all day outside, or at the park, or participating in extracurricular activities and no one EVER sees YOU there because you’re “too busy” doing something else, then I’m probably going to judge you. What can be more important that your kids? Seriously? I may not spend every single second of every single day playing with my son or sitting in the floor making car noises. But I do spend over half of my day with him and him alone. Paying attention to what he needs, bathing him, feeding him, playing with him, laughing with him, tickling him, wrestling with him, etc. etc. etc. Being a parent is a full time job, and all moms need a break now and then. But if you are NEVER seen out and about enjoying life with your children, then I’m going to assume (like everyone else) that you aren’t an active part in their lives. Too many parents have children, get them out of diapers and then shove them out into the world for everyone else to take care of. That’s not cool. Kids need their parents to be a part of their life. Facebook and Twitter and Blogging and whatever else you do all day, isn’t so important that it can’t wait for an hour. Get over yourself and pay attention to your children.
See, the thing is, I don’t judge children.
Because children are only reflecting to the world what they learn and see at home.
I judge parent’s. We all make mistakes, and our kids are not perfect. At least, mine aren’t. But I do my best. And my best is making sure that my house is clean and presentable all the time. You might find a few dozenracecars in my floor or a dirty dish or two in my sink if you drop by unannounced, but you will be able to sit on my couch without worrying that you’ll contact some kind of disease. And my son has a bath (almost) every day, and clean clothes on a daily basis. I brush his hair and his teeth. I cut his nails. I ensure that he doesn’t look like a thrown away rag doll when we go out in public. I teach him manners and what it means to have respect for adults and other people. I spend time with him, not around him. My son is disciplined both in public AND at home for tantrums and bad behavior. Screaming, kicking, and yelling because we’re angry and upset aren’t tolerated in our house.
I admit that passing judgment on anyone is wrong. That’s not our place. I don’t have to answer for everyone else, but I am human. And this blog is dedicated to being REAL and HONEST. And there are just some things that I see other parent’s doing that I feel ARE wrong, because in some way or another they ARE going to impact the lives of the children involved.
Let’s open this topic up for discussion, hmm? What parental flaws do you see out there that you find yourself judging? Is it tantrums? Is it hygiene? What makes you judge other mother’s and parents?