Just Because Someone Says You Stink, Doesn't Make Them Right!

Kathy Caprino

Hello! How’s your week going?  Great, I hope.

Personally, I’ve had a few hard knocks this week from several people who indicated they’d like to offer constructive feedback, but then proceeded to tear down and put down.

Constructive or Destructive?

It’s an interesting experience, to come open-hearted to someone to receive their feedback, thinking it will be a growing experience to hear their thoughts, only to discover that the input is not coming from a kind, compassionate or caring place, or being offered as a means of help.  Know what I mean? 

Have you experienced that lately too? 

As a trained therapist, communicator and energy worker, I feel energy.  I sense a vast energetic difference between words that come from someone who has clear vision, who’s done the inner work, and who is offering feedback from a caring, service-oriented place, versus input from one who hasn’t done the hard work of examining herself and understanding her own fears, vulnerabilities or dark side.  

Sure, there are times when we need to hear critical input and it hurts, but we know deep down that it’s well-intended and important to take in.  But in the cases where the giver is not intending to be helpful, and is just lashing out instead, we should NOT take it in.

It’s vitally important to be able to differentiate.  After all, (as my new friend just shared), “You don’t have to catch every ball that’s thrown at you.”

As hard as it is to be “torn down,” I’m using it as fodder for growth. I’m taking the time to settle into it and feel what it’s teaching me.  I’m looking at how I co-created the space for it. I’m also continuing to build stronger boundaries, and remembering that not everyone is going to like us! 

As You Spread Your Wings, You Bump into More Things

I’ve heard, and now believe, that the clearer we get about who we are and what we’re doing here, the more powerful and purposeful we are on that path, the more people will find us off-putting or threatening (and unlikable)!  I’ve heard it said that if you’re not offending anyone, you’re not taking a strong enough stand!  Intriguing concept, and I’m seeing a good deal of validity in it.

As I’ve been experiencing some challenging feedback that didn’t feel as if it were coming from a pure place, perhaps you have too?  I hope not, but if so, please remember this: 

You’re awesome, and you’re working very diligently to come from a place of service and to help many, from your heart.  You are special, and it’s time to stop shying away from your specialness. 

You have the right to share your uniqueness in a powerful way with others.  And you have the right to protect yourself from negativity.  If others bristle or lash out, don’t dishonor yourself by beating yourself up that you’ve done something wrong.  Treat yourself with love and compassion (and send love and compassion in your heart to the “hater” as well).  But also find the courage -- and take the time -- to learn the important lessons you need to experience, all along the way.

 Brush Those “Haters” Off!

 If someone tears you down with cruelty or out of spite or jealously, brush the “hater” off and pick yourself up!  Don’t be dragged down.  Certainly, find compassion and understanding in your heart, but remember that only you can understand and recognize your true path.  Keep true to yourself, and don’t let the detractors knock you down.

 (Deep thanks go to my amazing virtual assistant — Yoana Brecker, of Advantage Virtual Support — for that sound and caring piece of advice!)

 Have you been “put down” lately out of the blue?  What did it teach you?  Please SHARE and continue the conversation. 

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.