Just Keep Eating and Don’t Talk.

Yesterday, the unthinkable happened.


Jordan went on a date.


Well, not a real date, he just turned twelve, I’m not that crazy.


But, he was invited to dinner, by a girl from school.


I was half asleep on Friday afternoon, taking an early nap. I vaguely remember him coming in a nudging me and asking if he could go to dinner with ‘%&^%^%Y and her family.’


The young lady’s name was Amy, but I was asleep, Jordan doesn’t ever, ever ask to go to dinner with girls, and half of his friends have names that, if you are barely awake, could sound like ‘Amy.’


I evidently approved, and rolled right back over into la la land.


I woke up later, asked Robert where Jordan was, only to have him tell me:


“He’s gone to dinner with a girl and her family.”


SCREEECH.


And no one woke me up? What is wrong with you people?


Whoa. This was huge. I mean HUGE.


Was I the only one in the house aware of the enourmity of this situation?


Not because Jordan was out with a girl.


This was huge because Jordan, as I have mentioned numerous times, was born without the social filter that most of us have, even as kids.


My older two kids didn’t have this issue. Even as a child, Tyler has been polite. Chase is quiet as a  mouse (until he knows you well, at which point you wish you had a mouse trap to clamp over his lips.)


Jordan’s social filter is just not there. And really, I’m not sure it ever will be.


My husband had just sent my very un-home-trained son off into no-mans land with a girl and her parents…her father!


I had visions of this girl’s dad saying something during normal dinner conversation and Jordan retorting, probably with a mouth full of food “well, how stupid is that?”


I exptected a call for us to come retrieve our child from a local restaurant where he would be waiting with his own tab to pay because they had left him.


I could just envision it, we’re home waiting for him to come home, a car screeches by, slows just long enough to throw Jordan out on to the front lawn, and hightails it out of here, never to be seen again.


Right then, Tyler walked in and said, “it’s okay mom, I drove him over there and told him how to act.”


 IMG_1770


And what was that bit of older brother advice?


I told him to just keep food in his mouth and don’t talk. Just don’t talk, and you’ll be okay. And don’t embarrass us.”


That’s about the best bit of brotherly advice he’s received since Chase told him to go back to class on his first day of kindergarten, or he would end up stupid.


Evidently he listened. So far, no death threats from an angry dad.


But come Tuesday, I’m signing him up for Etiquette

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