Just Perfectly 4
Yesterday, I turned in the applications for the Supergirl to start Kindergarten in the fall.
A person that 5 years ago, on this day, only existed on the inside of me. A person that 5 years ago today, had not yet been named, who insisted on kicking me only when I had finally gotten truly comfortable, a person who was not even due yet on this day 5 years ago.
And yet, in just 10 days she will be 5. In just a few months, she will start Kindergarten.
This girl, this person that she is becoming, has a huge personality and imagination to grow into and I wonder if big kid school will enhance her or break her, if the cruelty of thoughtless children is as harsh as I remember it to sometimes be, if she will lead her peers to goodness or if she will crumble from the sheer number of their idiocy and follow.
I wonder if she will command center stage the way that she does now when she is 10 or 15. I wonder if she will always sing and dance and laugh with the joy that she does today. Or, if somehow, somewhere along the way some kid will tell her she cannot dance, or some adult will let her know that she has no rhythm or that she is always just slightly off key.
I wonder how she will react on the day that she realizes that she is not always going to be the best or the smartest or the fastest or the prettiest. And I wonder if she will tell me what is wrong, or if she will just cry silent tears in her room after all the lights are off.
I wonder if she will continue to write even when she learns the words and the sentences, even after the iambic pentameter has been drilled into her head, and even after a teacher tells her that her writing is no good. I wonder if she will continue to make up stories and scenarios. I wonder if she will continue to share them with me.
But today, she is still 4, still in Preschool. And today, that's perfect.