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On any given night, I make three meals, which may sound like your house as well, except that our reasons probably differ for the assortment of choices at the dinner table. Our family keeps kosher and we practice ahimsa, which means that our five-year-old twins need to perform mental math on a daily basis weighing out what they want for dessert vs. what they want for dinner and divide by how hungry they are in the moment. Which, I imagine, requires an explanation.
We keep kosher because we're observant Jews. It has always been easy for me to keep kosher because I'm a lifelong vegetarian, but it was an adjustment for my husband and he eased into the idea of kashrut (the laws of keeping kosher) over a long period of time from his college years until he moved in with me. We always knew that we had to be secure in our philosophy towards food before we had children if we expected them to follow our ideas.
My husband was drawn to kashrut due to the fact that it is a way of meaningfully engaging in Judaism three times a day. It has historical significance, tying him in with past generations of Jews. My own reason for choosing to keep kosher has more to do with its parallels with ahimsa, the idea of non-violence inherent in religions such as Buddhism or Jainism. It is a way of still keeping ties with Buddhism while following the laws of Judaism, and these laws are as respectful to the animal as you can get while still taking part in the food chain.
We follow all the normal rules of kashrut with an additional rule as well: though no one needs to keep eating if they're full when it comes to plant food or dairy, plates need to be cleaned when an animal has given its life for the meal. And this concept is our springboard for explaining where food comes from--how it gets from the ground or the farm to their plate and why we need to be respectful of food. And yeah, some of that respect is shown by not pushing the food around on the plate while whining about it.
Early enough in the day to plan, I give the twins two or three choices for meals. Whatever they choose, they need to eat, therefore, because they made the choice, meals are usually eaten in full. I try to build a lot of variety into the choices, offering different things from the day before. If they want a meat meal, they know they have to eat all of the chicken that they take. If they want a dairy dessert, they have to plan their evening so it comes after bathtime so enough time has passed between the eating of meat and dairy. Sometimes they choose a vegetarian meal because they honestly want homemade pizza and sometimes they choose it because they want to have dessert directly after dinner. All of it is their choice and therefore, their responsibility.
And, of course, like all kids, ours are still picky eaters at heart. My daughter will try pretty much anything, though she prefers to eat only noodles if given the choice (hence why that option is only one of her choices every other day). My son eats random items--steamed green beans and uncooked carrots, but no potatoes or peas. Grilled or roasted chicken, but never fried. Fish sticks, but only in the shape of a fish--never in stick form. Bagels, but only dry. And never ever ever a noodle passes his lips.
Some people think it's strange that I encourage us to sit at the table and eat between two or three different meals (thankfully, my husband will usually go along with something already on the table). And it certainly is more work on one end--especially trying to clean up and keep separate a meat meal and a dairy meal. But I think it's worth it because it means that our kids are learning how to make conscious choices. They don't eat something because someone put it in front of them--they eat it because they chose it. And therefore, there is no argument, no banging our head against the table to get them to try a few bites.
Through food, they're learning that we should examine why and how we're doing
