Keep Your Fork Off My Plate!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Over the past few years, my husband has started doing something that drives me absolutely crazy. When we're out at dinner and my food is placed before me, he immediately reaches his fork over and takes a bite before I do. Because we're out in public, I can't really start a fight, but I want to punch him in the face because I think it's so rude. I've told him many times that this bothers me, but he thinks I'm overreacting and now I think he does it just to bug me. (Usually he's a wonderful person, let me get that out.)
Besides stabbing him with a steak knife in the middle of Chili's, what can I do?
Caring is Not Sharing
Dear Not Sharing,
Congratulations on rejecting outright the stabbing option. The Mouthy Housewives are firm anti-stabbers and it’s heartening to see that our message of peaceful argument resolution is paying off. Well done, you!
1. As soon as your meal is placed before you, sneeze on it. And don’t cover your mouth/nose/any other orifice.
2. As he reaches over with his fork say, “oh no, you don’t!” and block his fork with your own. Say “en garde!” as you do it so that he understands that you are fun-loving.
3. Hiss “with all those people out there trying to poison me, I’m sure glad that you’re willing to taste test this for me!” as he’s savoring that first bite.
Or you could let him know that his reaching over to taste your food without asking bothers you. Whether it’s the fact of the first bite or sharing what’s on your plate at all, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to share absolutely everything with your husband, no matter how wonderful he is.
Tell him, “Let’s agree that I will enjoy my food first and then you can taste it” or anything else that works for you. Or you could borrow from Joey Tribbiani’s arsenal of wisdom and order Buffer Food -- a dish that will be placed between the two of you for mutual enjoyment, while protecting the sanctity of your meal.
Keep up posted!
Photo Credit: tomukas.