I am writing this so I can get some of this stuff out of my head.  Names have been changed to protect the people I care about.  To my friends that may keep up with this, I am okay, but not ready to talk just yet.  Soon.  I hope you understand that I can only put this down here for now.  Thank you for caring about me.

I am the woman who married the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.  It's 10 years later and I know I can't put aside what my mind, body and soul really needs.   I don't care about things anymore, I just want to be happy.  I fell in love with another man about 2.5 years ago.  This man is no longer in my life because I couldn't make up my mind.  I told him to go way one too many times and now he is gone.  I am devastated.  My husband knows about us because I told him.  He wants to make our marriage work, but I know in my heart that I am not in love with him.  I love him because he is a good friend, an amazing father and a good person.  But I am not in love with him, and I am pretty sure that in the truest sense, I have never been.  My friend L says that I have to separate the love that I feel because we have a child together from my love for him.  She is right.  I did that and I truly know that I won't be in love with my husband.  

So I am moving on and it is very difficult.  Have to go now, more later.