Kelly with her broken heart

Kelly bit her tongue, in order to prevent herself from saying what she really needed to. Love, as she had come to know, always came with an expiry date. And although Kelly did want to get lost in the very embrace of Ronald, she knew it will not be enough. Nothing has ever been enough for her. The passion, it will dry out, and once it does, they both will only hate each other and themselves for having stayed. “You are a person I can be friends with, but not someone who I can love for the rest of my life.” Kelly, with a suppressed tears heard Ronald whisper, in his ever so gentlemanlike deep hoarse voice, her heart almost breaking in her chest.

As the shades of the canvas grew to a darker and more melancholic hue of pink, she sighed. “I know. I do not hold it against you. I wish you the best.” She whispered, summoning all the love that she could muster. There were no tears, neither pain, just an overwhelming sense of surrender. He knew she did mean him best, and that she would never hold this against him. There was something about Kelly that often reminded Ronald about U2’s ‘With or without you,’ but he had to make the long pending choice. “I would still very much like to drop you back home.” Ronald offered with an earnest sincerity, as he got up, dusting the dirt off his hands and buttocks. Kelly turned to look at him standing all tall and handsome and suddenly realized that she could not move. Passively she brought the knees closer to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, looked away from his direction and rested her head atop her knees.

Ronald knew this, her resignation. Ronald had already faced a lot of ‘cutting off’ at her hands. The ones we love often have their own condescending little ways of making us feel incapable, insufficient and not enough. Ronald had tried, and he had grown tired of it. He knew he deserved better than to be made to feel shorter, smaller and inadequate. And when the choice came between him and the one he thought he might be in love with, he chose himself. As the cool breeze with the hint of the rain brushed across his face, he felt a sense of resilience and liberation. He made a choice. Unlike all the previous times, he was not a slave to his sentiments. He protected himself from the passive aggression of a tumultuous and emotionally abusive relationship. He is going to be alone for a long time now, figure out the reasons why he only attracts such sadistic relationships from the universe, fix himself up first before he take any big leap again in the future. He was happy, because he choose his own happiness and it did not feel selfish – not this time, even though he knew that Kelly was the most beautiful piece of the puzzle that had ever fitted his life. As the engine roared and the car sprung to life, he rolled down the window panes, letting the wind overpower him. He did not think about Kelly, he knew she was too strong to perish. That she, somehow, in the end would be able to preserve herself. He inhaled the freshness and left, hint of a nascent smile evident across his shining pale face.

And there, at distant stone wall, at the side of the pseudo hut, Kelly remained still, bent double on her knees, hugging herself – the only thing reassuring left in the world for her, and hum a song…a tune she faintly remembered listening to for the first time at a tender age of 12, a tune she never realized would go on to define the entire life for her. My heart churned ruefully when I heard her soft fragile quivering voice overflowed in the dark melancholy surrounding her, “tumne toh aasman bichaaya, mere nange pairoon me zameen hai,kaantien bhi tumhaari aarzo ho, shayad is se hi zindagi bhalli hai.”

Me? I am her father. The only man she truly loved. The man who broke her beyond repairs. She knew she could not love anyone. Her love was dead, the ghost of which was standing next to her, yet she could not feel.


Heena Khan

Owner (Tech Plus Reviews)

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