I suppose it's newsworthy that a 70-year-old woman, Omkari Panwar of Muzaffarnagar, India, has given birth to twins. On the other hand, last year the story was that a 60-year-old woman from New Jersey gave birth to twins. We talked about that here at BlogHer, and so, we've had the "what is too old to bear children" debate already.

Both of these women conceived through in vitro fertilization, big help from medical science. The shimmer of news in this recent birth is that the age ante has been upped. If these women had conceived naturally, then that would be even shinier news.

The real news in this story, however, at least news worthy of deeper thought, is why this 70-year-old needed desperately to try for another child.  She and her 75-year-old husband already had two daughters.  But the elderly couple wanted another baby because they needed a male heir.  Here are some of the reasons Charan Singh, the father, said a male heir was critical:

'We have plenty of agriculture land in Doghat village but we did not have any heir to look after us. In our clan, daughters are the 'assets of others'. Parents have to nurture them only to run others' household. In the absence of a son, parents are considered issueless,' Singh told IANS. (Indian eNews)

I won't sit in judgment of what goes on in India, the laws of succession, and how that impacts how families feel about having daughters.  Another BlogHer CE, Snigda Hasen, covered the subject well in January.  I will say, however, that I feel great sadness when I hear that female fetuses are often aborted in India as families without male heirs feel "issueless."

Here's more from that IANS article:

Doghat town council chairman Vairan Panwar added: 'In our parts, the clan system still continues. Although Charan Singh had two grown-up daughters with six grandchildren, he was presumed issueless. If daughters' in-laws had agreed to offer one of their male children for adoption, the couple would not have to go for more children.' (source)

So, remember the part of western marriage ceremonies in which the father of the bride gives his daughter away? Under a clan system in India, that would be more than pomp and circumstance.

In fact, one of Mr. Singh's daughters told reporters that she and her sister asked permission of their in-laws to give their parents one of their sons, but the in-laws said "no." Imagine that for a moment, that in order to take care of your parents you had to give up one of your own children.

The cultural belief that children perform certain duties for parents based on gender and that a son's children belong to him and his parents may seem strange to us in America. Many of us in the west run with Kahlil Gibran when it comes to our children:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

However, let's not get cocky thinking about our own culture here. Don't we also have a saying in western culture that reflects what many of us really think and expect of daughters?

A son is a son till he gets him a wife,
But a daughter’s a daughter the rest of your life.

It's one of those quotes people whisper to comfort others and say "Your daughter will be there for you in your old age." In India, I suppose, they whisper that "Your son will be there for you in your old age."

We may not have strict succession laws or tight cultural boundaries in this country, but our reality speaks the truth of how we've been socialized. As I discussed in my woman-up, son post, daughters usually end up being caregivers to elderly parents. There's pressure on females to become caregivers even in the USA.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, you say.  Do you believe that?

America and India are not that different when it comes to the expectation that daughters will physically care for elderly parents.  Indian parents may not expect the biological daughters they've raised to care for them, but they know that their daughters will care for somebody's parents at some point, the parents of their husbands most likely.

Feminists would object to limiting women in this way and pigeonholing our girls, but it remains a fact that this is the way life is, and so I ask how are we raising our daughters in so-called enlightened society?   Are you grooming your daughter to be a caregiver one day as part of life's natural course? Would you call her selfish if she bucked at this idea?  Would you say the same of a son?

And if you're raising your daughter to care for others and also have sons, are you teaching your sons to do the same, to consider that they may one day care for others or do you visualize him as having a wife who does that? Is he in your kitchen learning to cook? Have you ever asked him to change a diaper? When was the last time you asked your son to look after a frail grandparent if only to get him/her a glass of water? Is there a male, perhaps, in your life or an older woman telling you that if you train your son to do more than be the breadwinner and mow the lawn, that if you teach him to physically help care for others he will grow up to be less of man?

What are we teaching our sons and our daughters about giving care and what do these lessons say about how we feel about ourselves as women?  How much do you contribute to perpetuating gender stereotypes when it comes to raising your children?

To be caring and nurturing is seen as a female thing in most cultures, including our own, but won't we all be better off when it becomes a human thing? 

BlogHer readers have already tackled whether sharing chores between partners is for suckers, and in some ways this post is a similar subject, but the focus here is how are we actually teaching or children  to live better lives.   Many readers are preparing for the BlogHer Conference, but I hope someone out there finds time to answer some of the questions I've tossed to us all  and also answer this question:  Are you raising your children to stick to gender roles or to abandon them?

Nordette is a BlogHer.com Contributing Editor, and you may read her personal blog at another site here.