Kudos to me
By NiedriaKenny on August 15, 2014
If so, very seldom do I find bitter moments about the relationship I've established for my son and his father. That's right- I said, the relationship "I" established. Perhaps I should say, the one I laid the foundation for? It is the relationship I was single-handedly, instrumental in creating by providing time, space and opportunity; to allow and make sure there was access to my child, in the event the sperm donor wanted to be known as father one day.
By the end of this blog I will disclose what those moments maybe. Surely, once I finish brushing my shoulders off, giving myself a pat on the back, a sweet hi five, and a cold confident stare in the mirror after saying to myself, "yea - you did that sh** go girl!" ..... For my great and honest work in making sure I maintained an avenue of communication, so that when and if my sons’ father decided he wanted to accept his role finally, there would be no reason why he couldn't. When I'm finished with this post, it should be easy to pinpoint what it is that I have a hard time understanding and accepting about my co-parenting situation.
I should start with what was known as the first opportunity I had to skip town after disclosing to him that we were having a child. I say that because every woman with some sense and a few with none, tell me/told me that she would have left the moment he claimed it was not his child and definitely after he claimed I "got pregnant on purpose" but certainly after he told me that he has me right where he wants me. And if none of that did it, most justifiable after he says, "welcome to being poor", inciting he would do nothing to help me. Anyone else would have already been miles away. How could someone I’ve known over 20 years at that point make those accusations?
After I decided not to listen to anyone’s’ advise over my heart telling me that it would be a heartless and selfish decision to take a child away from his father, I ended up back in Houston, Texas. This decision came with turning down career advancement and job opportunities elsewhere. The decision to stay in Houston, Texas was solely based on my conscious that taking a child away from a father was outright dirty and trifling. Never mind the fact he and his mother asked why I didn’t abort the child and never mind he was not stepping up to the plate. Never-mind that he offered in mediation for me to leave town-taking his son with me as long as I didn’t get child support. Because for me, it was never about money or child support. I am highly educated with a proven track record for success, so I was able to provide financially from the beginning. For me, it was about the relationship I wanted my child to have with his father. And so, I put my needs and wants on hold!
On to the next phase. With no support, I began to nurture my child in the absence of his father. I lived through the insinuations and accusations that I was ‘keeping his child from him’, although record will show that he had an open invitation to step up at any point as well as to see his child and do anything for him whenever he wanted to. I kept an open door for any visitation no matter what my schedule was. I stayed in Houston, Texas even though my window for employment opportunity was closing. I wanted to make sure it was possible for (dad to see son whenever he wanted to)
What did dad do? Eight months into my child’s life, he went to Harris County courts with the most falsified story of not being able to see his child. He brought a court order against me with geographical restraints attached to ensure that I would never leave Harris County or contiguous counties. He then was placed on child support after his admission of parental ownership. (Sidebar) If you were ever really concerned or genuinely had any doubt about a child being yours, you would never claim he was your without a DNA test.
Even after the dramatic, misleading and deceptive performance he put on for his family, church members and minions of the TCB fan club; I still maintained my stance on keeping a child in his father’s life at all cost. Instead of taking his offer in mediation to run……and never speak a word of it, I stayed in Houston, Texas. Again, for me-I would never take a child away from his father! That still, was most important to me. I made sure to include him in everything I did regarding our son and even summoned his take ideas on schools. From daycare to extra- curricular activities to doctor appointments and trips. I kept him informed of progress and advised him of anything relevant to our child. I notified him of events that our child would participate in, his development and growth as well as his whereabouts at all times. I offered access to our child on a 24/7 basis. I never told him he could not see his child and more than often I called to ask if he wanted to see him, pick him up or just spend time with him. I never held him to a court order visitation schedule. For me, there was no such thing as (my time, your time) for a child who had two parents who loved in the same city. I never expected weeks to go by without him seeing his son. To me, that was brutal.
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