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If you're at all familiar with me or my writing, by now you may be asking yourself, what's up with the man situation? I have always been a serial dater. I'm always either married, living with someone, have a boyfriend, just had a date last Saturday or (at the very bottom of the totem pole), having great sex. So what's up now? Surprisingly nothing. And it feels good!
I swear. No, really. Yes, it's really me!
After JJLL, I had two dates with a guy we'll call train dude. I was sprinting for the 1 train at 1am, heading from dinner with a friend up to a party in the Heights. He held the door. We chatted from 42nd to 168th street. He asked for my number. The dates weren't bad, but I didn't feel the excitement so I made things fizzle out.
So what the hell do I actually do now in my spare time? A whole lot it seems! Who knew there was all this time available when you're not answering text messages, obsessing, going to dinner, dumping, getting dumped, meeting more guys, going dancing and obsessing some more? Not to say I won't go out on a date but these days my soul is well-fed with documentary and film screenings, poetry readings, the gym, musical performances, spending time with friends, my Dad, Elizabeth, book signings, album release parties, even being part of a career workshop panel for high school girls. Besides all this cultural goodness, I've been able to refocus my fiction writing (with a vengeance!), pick up where I left off writing for magazines and embark on a big artistic venture (otherwise known as The Thing that will make me move on up like the Jeffersons).
At this pause in my dating life, I feel like now is a good time for Lady Bradshaw's Man Manifesto. It's not on the heels of a break-up or a bad date so this is coming from a sane place. Without further ado, I give you:
Lady Bradshaw's Man Manifesto
1. I will only date men that possess the best, most admirable qualities of my male friends. Handsome, fun, good-hearted, smart, creative, supportive, hard-working.
2. I set the tone. I'm available when I'm available and I'm not when I'm not. I will not twist myself into a pretzel or cancel anything for a date. No apologies for having a life. Also, if you work a 4pm-12am shift, you're shit out of luck because I'm not grabbing dinner at 1am.
3. No early sex. We all know it just flushes any potential down the tubes. But never fear readers, there are enough escapades in the back list to keep you entertained and blushing.
4. No one's perfect but I will observe any red flags and if a man shows some red-alert behavior, I am gone. Red flags include talking isht about an ex (once had a guy admit he beat the crap outta his ex), being pushy, can't even boil water to cook for himself (at least for yourself dude, c'mon. you waiting on me to do it? ha! I already have a kid to feed, thanks though), doesn't like animals (had an ex who wouldn't pet my dog, he'd pet him with his foot which drove me to the edge considering my dog was probably cleaner than him), or having never been in a relationship (at our age? as my boys say, that's mad suspect right there).
5. I will keep a protected - but kind - heart about all of this. I deserve the best and I will put the best forth into whomever deserves it. If it happens great, if not, well...I live a pretty great life regardless. I'm surrounded by love, creativity and I have what I'm expecting to be my best decade (my thirties) laying in front of me.
