The Last Word
Don't you just love getting in the last word? We all do. It is our human nature. I am not just referring to arguments either. I love you. I love you too. I miss you. I miss you more. We are a competitive lot are we not? But in an argument....Hello! I am right. That is a given. While you may not necessarily be "wrong", you are definitely not "right", because I am. Currently there is no actual arguing going on. I think there is surrender. I can be a bulldog on the battle field. Hey wait.... Aha moment.....my youngest was given that as a nickname on the soccer field....Naturally I attributed this behavior to my legendary athletic husband....Props to Mom...err, I mean to me!!! I was called "opinionated". With a snarky overtone. <----he used a snarky overtone to call me opinionated and I flew into a rage. Just kidding. I don't fly anymore. I slowly ramped up to an offended madness. That was like 3 weeks ago. He tried to smooth it out. Back track on the comment. I was doggedly unrelenting. My feelings were hurt. But I wonder why I was offended? I am opinionated. It's not really a character flaw. He used to think I was brilliant and my opinions were all well thought out and informed. Now I am just argumentative and kind of a pain in his perfectly toned ass. <-----Oh yeah...THAT'S why I was offended. He now thinks my opinions are too contrary. As if.... I cannot handle it. But I don't want to fight either. But there is almost zero chance of me zipping my lips and agreeing with everything he says. I bet he would HATE that..... I am going with that logic. My "opinions" can masquerade as "devil's advocacy" but the costume is weak. It's all me and after 21 years together he knows it. My husband likes virtual one sided conversations. He is a lecturer. He gives soliloquies. He talks "at" people. This people no likey. His technique works as a business owner. My way or the highway-ish. Men in his world see this as an asset. His woman at home sees it as bullying. Our daughters tune it out. -This is new. He hasn't figured it out yet. I am spoon feeding the reality to him. After sex....when he is open to my suggestions. I said I was brilliant people...keep up. Bottom line...What works with his employees does not play well in our home. My job, graciously assigned to me, by me, is to smooth out his edges before he loses all of our collective female attention. I am employing a new tactic called IMHO. I stole this from a very strong woman I know. She makes statements and couches them with IMHO. The opinion is not necessarily humble but it tricks you into believing there is some humbleness in it. Humility is very important in relationships. Well...in successful relationships. I like humility. I need to practice it. I absolutely need to teach it. At the very least, I should demonstrate it. I can't have my girls going around all blustery and foisting their ill-conceived opinions on everyone. Good Lord! A strong woman with informed opinions is a welcome addition to any conversation. A bully on the pulpit with more shut down than inclusion is not welcomed. I have been both. My husband does NOT need me to be the strongest and the smartest in the room. He actually may want a bit of humble to join our conversations. I can give if he can too. I am going to gently pull back on his reins so that he can see what I am seeing and he will get the message that his technique needs some refining as well. In the end...I will have the last word. I am hard wired for it. He is too, but he also needs me to be happy. The last word is a compromise because of P.O.P. (power of the p*ss!) It rules the world. Every man knows this. This woman does. IMHO, of course.