A Leap of Faith
By Gailsforum on December 28, 2012
There's two sides to every story...This is mine
It all started with this http://gailsforum.blogspot.ca/2012/10/the-trail-through-woods.html, this was the post that got the ball rolling in terms of me wanting to make some changes.
It's not simply about changing the outside (appearance, weight, style) but more importantly it's about changing the inside (desires, aspirations, dreams, love, beliefs).
Our internal patterns sometimes keep us from achieving what we want. A combination of fear of change, success and failure can force us to repeat the same thing over and over....as Albert Einstein pointed out the definition of insanity is: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
My father once said if you don't have anything you are working towards you will have a difficult time to save your money but if you have a concrete item such as a car you want to buy it will make it easier for you to save. The same is true with human beings...if you don't feel anything is worth living for, it's easy to sabotage self-abuse and create a temporary life that feeds your need to feel alive (Ironically my favorite song is I'm Alive by Celine Dion.)
As I make my way through the dark damp woods, I make a crucial turn in the road realizing that I have spent a long time in the temporary life fraught with inappropriate relationships, too much alcohol and a place to hide from reality. It served its purpose and kept me alive both physically and emotionally however I sacrificed my spirituality in the process.
Everyone heals in their own time and frankly the last ten years are a complete blur, a good blur but still a blur. I just wanted to forget and I did....I no longer blame myself for failing at marriage or relationships in general...I forgive myself.
I recently walked away quite abruptly from the environment that has sustained me for so many years since I left my husband....the environment that saw me through good and bad times and brought about some great friendships that I must now leave behind.
A blogger friend, Amelie who by the way is fabulous and promotes happiness had this to say: "I once made a conscious choice to let an unhealthy friendship go; it was a very difficult decision, but one that eventually provided mutual benefit. Letting go of something or someone can be a conscious choice. Anxiety--while having a biological component--is also reinforced by habits such as holding on to heavy conflict, relationships, and thoughts." I would strongly recommend if you are on Facebook to check out her inspirational posts at: https://www.facebook.com/thehappygym.
Just like Amelie I am letting go and letting God as they say, I can't explain why but as an addictive person I sometimes have to take the bandage off quite quickly even though the scars remain deep. Most of the friends I've made are on my social networks so I hope they will stay connected.
Currently I am reading two books both quite controversial. One is called Six Weeks to OMG, it's about losing weight but not the conventional way but then again sometimes you have to break your thinking pattern to achieve results.
The second book is called The Magic and how to bring it back to your life. You know the stuff we believed in as children...that amazing awe feeling; well this is the book to put me back on track to making my fairytale a reality and bringing back the awe to my life.
I've made a list of things I need to do in January; some of the things involve health and getting a tune-up, some things involve movement (dancing, exercise and walking) and some things involve trust in me.
I am putting a period at the end of this chapter. The pages are completely blank and now I will start to fill them in as I go. I am putting the completed edition of Gail-Chapters 1 through 45 away. Book II, Chapter 1-which is on the cusp of starting will be entitled Gail's Fairy Tale.
I'm designing everything about this book including a new cover, new adventures, new destinations, new relationships and new beginnings. I'm taking a leap of faith, I'm scared but I trust I will land on my feet and as I continue my journey through the woods I can almost feel the beam of sunlight on my face...
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