Leap of faith or big mistake

Well another emotional day here in my household. Please excuse me because I'm going to vent and this will be a long post with some tears while I write this. The girls and I went dress shopping and it was fun don't get me wrong, it was just a little more stressful that it needed to me. I felt pressured at the beginning to find "the dress". The very first question the consultant asked me was, what is your price range, so I said, $150. I don't want something too extravagant I want something with grace, elegance and a great value. (To me, more than $150 for a dress I'm only going to wear once just seems wrong.) Next question, when are you getting married, so I answer, next month. Then she gives me the look, and you probably know which look I'm talking about. It was a mixture of I hope you're not pregnant and why in Vegas. I felt the need to defend my choice and said, both of our families are going with us and we figured it was the perfect time. I of course have the girls with me and I'm hoping that they behave. J on the other hand decides that this was the perfect opportunity to misbehave and yet another reason I feel rushed. I totally understand she is five years old and has the attention span of a goldfish sometimes but oh well what can you do. Anyways, I find a couple of dresses I like and go try them on. Again feeling rushed into finding the perfect one. The first one I tried on I liked but I didn't really love so on to the next one, and the next one and the next one without any luck. We go back outside and get a couple more and again no such luck. Then finally she brings me one I don't necessarily like on the hanger but I figured I might as well try it on. It felt so right and perfect when I tried it on and when I looked in the mirror I knew I had found the one. She then tied a beautiful red candy apple to my waist with some decoration on and I almost started crying. I go back to the changing room and hang it up and just sit in the room and start tearing up immediately. D and J want in the room and I don't want them to see me cry so I tell them I am not done changing and I would let them in. I finally contain my composure and let them in. I made a conscience decision to by the dress because it was drastically reduced from $400 to $99. I brought it home and gave it a kiss and put it in the closet. Now, why am I crying when I found "the perfect dress" that was made just for me? Well, after talking to my parents for what seemed like forever the night before, they told me that they would not be able to help out with the wedding expenses and why should we get married if we couldn't cover the costs ourselves. This hurt and cut so deep because I never ask my parents for money or financial assistance. I am the eldest with two younger sisters. I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 and had my first daughter when I was 19. When things didn't work out with him, I moved back in with my parents for a couple of years and then moved out again. I was not a spoiled child growing up. My sisters on the other hand, are spoiled. Especially my "baby" sister. My parents have helped her out so much that it just isn't fair. Now I know I really shouldn't be jealous or envious of my sisters but I am and I can't help how I feel. And for the record, it's not like I'm asking my parents to paid for the average wedding which costs over $27,000. I'm asking for $500 to cover the wedding chapel, dress and tux rental we had picked out. The hotel and vacation expenses are going to be paid for with money that we had saved from our taxes. And my parents still said no, because they have to travel to Las Vegas to see their daughter get married. And I can't help but cry because it's just not fair. My parents made me feel like this is a huge mistake and it isn't. We both love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. So this is where my leap of faith or big mistake falls into place. I have so many questions running through my mind I dont know the answers to: Do I continue to plan the even smaller wedding now, or cancel it all together. Do I talk to my parents about it, or hold my emotions inside? Am I being a baby in being jealous? I feel so hurt right now I really don't know what to think. And of course since I am crying late at night I will wake up with puffy eyes. This is the time where soon to be Hubz and I should be happy and excited and shouting from the rooftops happy, not talking about canceling our small wedding. Who knew there would be this much emotion about a small wedding in Las Vegas. So please tell me what I need to know because I don't know what to do. Thank you for letting me vent, I feel somewhat better now. Mayra


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