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Sparkle (2)
During the second week of my ten-week Fit4Love coaching program my assignment was to practice flirting. That sounded kind of a big jump, to go from nothing to flirting but then my Fit4Love coach, Sheila Paxton explained all she wanted me to do was to make eye contact and smile. I didn't even have to say a word.
I knew I could smile. At some point in my practice I remembered that way back when, when I was in college and when I started working, one of my nicknames was "Smiley." Remembering that was shocking - when did I stop smiling? Why did I stop smiling? When did I close myself off? And this was one of the things Sheila and I covered in this week's coaching session.
There are several reasons, all defensive. I do believe that as my marriage became less and less satisfying and fulfilling, I closed myself off more and more to avoid discussions about what was really going on. Opening myself up to questions would have meant admitting, confronting what was really go on and as long I didn't have to face it, I could keep the facade going because divorce was not going to happen to me.
Growing up, my mother told me that what happens in a marriage stays between husband and wife, that private issues in a marriage don't get discussed outside and that was the principle I took into my marriage. My husband was not a good listener and I know at some point along the way, I just gave up even trying to talk to him. Put this together with my conflict avoidance and it really is not surprising, I shut down.
So this past week has been about breaking out of my little cocoon and it was fun! I didn't feel uncomfortable smiling ... I'm even smiling as I write this. A couple of guys I smiled at in the supermarket immediately looked down at their feet. A few people gave me fake smiles in return, you know the ones where you keep your lips together but still smile. I chuckled as I wondered why and if that's what I'd been doing.
I wasn't very selective about who I smiled at - young or old, men or women, it didn't really matter. I just needed the practice. One young man came into my office at work and asked about posting a sign on our noticeboard. He was very straight-faced until I gave him a big smile. He positively beamed back.
Interestingly, when I smiled and got a smile back, it was really easy to get into a casual conversation that didn't feel awkward. My coach said, "Excellent!" and promptly told me my next assignment was to keep smiling and making eye contact and in addition, to choose one person to initiate a few words with.
I think I'm ahead of my assignments here ... :) but I am still nervous of what's to come .. a date. I mean that's the whole point of this isn't it? I'd love to hear if you're following along with me .. have you been practicing smiling? What difference does it make to you? Do you think you're open to possibilities? Do you have any other suggestions, tips for me?
Disclosure: Fit4Love has waived the fee for my participation in the Fit4Love program but Fit4Love has no editorial influence or rights over the posts I'm writing.
Photo credit: alancleaver_2000
Mandy
Blog: Since My Divorce
Facebook : Since My Divorce
