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In my last post I talked about the healing power of resilience. The ability to bounce back is a skill worth learning. But in order to learn how to bounce back it means getting knocked down, probably many times, in order to learn how to get up on our feet rather than staying crumpled in a heap on the ground.
One of the metaphors I quoted in that post was of flowers pushing through the hard earth in order to bloom. The blooming in our lives is fabulous but the pushing through the dirt part, while necessary, is not as fun as unfurling our gorgeous petals.
Gail Lynne Goodwin writing at The Huffington Post recognizes that Everything Happens For a Reason but first had to get through a very painful experience to have that moment of clarity:
The Universe talks to me even when I'm too busy to listen. Fortunately, even when my life is hectic the message still gets through; it just tends to get a little louder and sometimes requires the use of a figurative sledgehammer to get my attention.
A few years ago I was at a point where I needed to make a major life decision, when I was literally broadsided by another vehicle while I was waiting at a stop sign. My life was already too busy and this was the last thing I needed. Or was it? It was almost as if the Universe was forcing me to take a time out- because I was too busy to schedule it for myself....
When we look back, we can all find examples in our own lives, where positive results only came from uncomfortable change. Getting fired from a job, the break up of a relationship, losing money in the market- all may appear to be tragic in the moment, from the limited perspective that we have. But in hindsight, all may bring incredible opportunity and gifts to us.
I wonder, is a painful process necessary in order for us to really learn the lesson? Is getting burned the only way we learn to respect fire and hot ovens? I think the answer is sometimes, yes. But I also believe that there are ways in which we can get across the hot coals with our feet untouched. I'll share two ideas offered by bloggers.
Ed and Deb Shapiro, also writing at The Huffington Post, suggest forgiving yourself and offer 6 reasons to do so that they learned from dinner with Monica Lewinsky
As we left we thought about how tough it can be to move on in life beyond difficult or challenging times, such as Monica experienced when she had her mistakes played out in the glare of the media spotlight and became one of the worlds most recognizable names. Who hasn't heard of Monica Lewinsky?
Forgiving ourselves for past transgressions is one of the hardest things we have to face at some time in our lives, as none of us get it right all the time. Imagine how boring it would be if we were all perfect and none of us ever did anything wrong. We are here to learn and grow, not to be perfect. Perfection is our ability to see our imperfections!
Learning to forgive ourselves can allow us to recognize future circumstances for what they are and not trap ourselves in an endless loop of self-inflicted pain while trying to figure out why we are so bad and deserving of such situations.
Dan and Chip Heath writing at Fast Company suggest setting smaller goals. By breaking things down into smaller chunks we can get big results with fewer opportunities to feel overwhelmed, incapable and frustrated and angry with ourselves:
Whisker goals are particularly well suited to our current moment. Adversity taps our strength. When you've just laid off someone, it feels like too much to bear to offer constructive criticism to another employee. When you've given up your bonus and had your budget cut, it feels like too much to consider going back for that master's degree. In hard times, we retrench. We maintain. We certainly don't stretch.
But retrenchment is the wrong response to adversity. Adversity calls for change, and change doesn't arrive via a miracle: It arrives via a kick start.
How about you, dear readers? Do you have any tips or techniques for making personal growth come with fewer growing pains?
Related Reading:
BlogHer member humanbeing: Apparently, I'm not allowed
And the kicker is this: I believe it’s OK to have an abundance of things I DON’T want, such as body
