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I'm sitting in my hotel room typing this post on my laptop - not my full keyboard - trying not to mess up my manicure and trying to eat dinner that has finally arrived from room service without covering myself and the computer with crumbs. I turned down dinner invites and left a party of which I was a sponsor for this glamorous evening. And I'm really proud that I did.
As I mentioned before I need a little alone time to recharge my batteries. I'm participating on a panel tomorrow morning and I don't even know where or when. I've taken care of a thousand little details during the past few days creating cards, re-jiggering websites and breaking in shoes.
I knew this tsunami of welcome stress was coming so I prepared. I committed to coming up to my room and ordering room service and going to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. When people invited me to join them for dinner or head over to other parties I said no. As tempted as I was to stay at the wonderful party until the very last person left, I left by the time I had set in my head and came up to my room.
I am proud that I am learning to say no productively, wisely, not out of fear but out of wisdom. Too often women are raised to be good girls and to always say yes to every request made of us until we are all used up and nothing is left to give to anyone, ourselves included.
Learning to say yes in the same manner can be equally as difficult. Earlier this week I fulfilled a commitment I had made several weeks prior not remembering how busy I was likely to be. While I regretted giving up the chunk of time, especially since it was without immediate, recognizable reward, I was proud of myself for stretching my boundaries enough to say yes in the first place. It wasn't a perfect yes but it was a learning yes.
When I squeezed in a last minute mani/pedi I clearly was not experiencing it in the right spirit. I was so tense and anxious about spending the time when I have so much to do that the pedicurist, while kneading and pounding my lower legs, said to me, "relax now." It wasn't a command nor was it accusatory. It was a gentle admonishment and reminder of something I clearly have forgotten how to do.
So that's my personal task - learn to say no when it's right to, say yes but not be afraid to and to relax now. I don't know that I'll ever get them all right but I can work towards striking a better balance.
Related posts:
laundrygirl is saying yes to sharing dreams
At the Tyra show they're dishing How to say "no" the right way (and not feel bad about it later!)
Jill at the Oprah Project reviews Patricia Volk's article "The Year of Saying Yes!"
Adela Rubio at Magicalize The Now writes "You start by saying YES to the issues and causes that repeatedly find their way into your life."
Lynsey Peterson is becoming a "yes" woman
