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Though I thought we were doing fertility treatments because we wanted a child, it turns out that we were just doing it for the accouterments of parenthood: the bugaboo stroller, the Kate Spade diaper bag, and the minivan. Actually, who am I kidding? We endured all those injections just for an airtight excuse to play with Legos.
Brooke Shields has paired with Volkswagen in their new ad campaign on the "Routan Boom," a baby boom based solely on the parent's desire for "German engineering" and a sleek new minivan.
Frankly, Brooke Shields was an odd choice to me for this campaign. An actress outspoken about her use of fertility treatments, recurrent loss, and postpartum depression presenting children as the ultimate accessory and using them to sell vehicles. Children are just a means to an ends and can be discarded once the vehicle is purchased. It sort of sounds like that most-offensive of suggestions: adopt and you'll get pregnant as if the first child is merely a means to that biological second. No regard is actually given to the very real human being that is used to get what you want, whether it's society status, a biological child, a reason to stay home, or a minivan.
I may be giving too much thought to car commercials.
After the initial huffiness melted away to confusion, my husband suggested a different way of viewing the message Brooke Shield's uniquely brings to this campaign. Infertility is wrought with always needing to provide a "because" to all of the "whys" that people feel is their right to ask. Though no one questions the motives of the parent who conceives without assistance, those who are opting to use fertility treatments, adoption, or live child-free are constantly asked to defend their choices.
When we first mentioned to people that we were trying to conceive, we received the wink wink nudge nudge of the club. People joked about how our days of having sex would soon be over because we'd constantly be interrupted by a crying baby. People daydreamed with us whether we'd have a boy or girl.
But later on, when we mentioned that we were using fertility treatments to get said child, we no longer had people dreamily decorating our nursery in their head. Instead we were asked if we had "thought this out" and whether it was a "good idea" and why didn't we do this or that instead? Suddenly, instead of people seeing us as part of the club, we were these bizarre party-crashers who needed to explain why we thought wearing our underpants on our heads and coming in drunk on Mad Dog was a good idea. In other words, trying in your bedroom makes complete sense. Trying in the clinic means that I probably haven't thought through things and need to explain my choices to reassure everyone that I am still this side of sane.
Brooke Shields as the spokesperson could be a tongue-in-cheek figurative middle finger to all the people who asked why she was working so hard and putting her body through so much to have a child. It's just for the German engineering.
It's a solid answer and one that others may want to employ when they're asked about their choices. Our Surrogacy Adventure has an excellent post this week on the topic of defending oneself when people question why they've chosen surrogacy as their path to parenthood. She writes: "I am trying to whisper as much as I can about infertility because lately discussing the subject has brought out a side of myself that I cannot stand."
Cupcakes and Conundrums experiences the same thing when telling people about adoption and finding that they are still trying to steer her towards treatments:
I feel like I'm constantly defending our decision to adopt, not because people are hostile about it, but because people are constantly suggesting that we ttc again. People who have previously kept a respectful distance are now demanding to know what treatment we've had because they or someone they know conceived after years of infertility and they think we should too.
Alesha's World touches on the accusations of ingratitude being frustrated about secondary infertility brings; as if complaining about your inability to have another child means that you aren't grateful for your
