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What is failure? Is it being less that perfect? Is it losing something you once had? Is it not having something everyone like you is supposed to own? Is it not achieving a goal you worked towards? Is it not going as far, as fast, as high as you should have, could have, would have if only...?
We fear failure because we perceive the answers to those questions to be relentlessly negative. But there are ways to look through, around, over and under the answers to find the other side where success lies.
Many people our society held up as successes now feel like failures. Why? Because they lost something that defined their worth or esteem. Smart people, making up to six figures as executives, now compete for jobs as janitors. Families who lived in beautiful homes find themselves forced to seek assistance to pay for cramped motel rooms. Solidly middle class, hard working people are setting up tents and living in the shadows of broke city halls. Marriages are ending because of financial stress. Health insurance and job losses are leading to more and more bankruptcy filings despite a recent law which made doing so much more difficult. Turn on the news for a few minutes and you will hear stories of failure after failure after failure.
Economic failure is not the only kind but I referred to it repeatedly in the examples above because they surround us these days. And it is easy to understand why losing a job, losing a home or losing a marriage might feel like a failure. But what if we looked at economic hardship as an opportunity for success rather than a cause of failure?
Let me begin by saying that it is not my intention to mock or romanticize poverty nor whine about problems that afflict the relatively privileged . That said, I have found that there can be good found in the limitations of limited funds. When I was a graduate student I had no choice but to get creative about how I spent my meager fellowship and teaching stipend. I had roommates, some of whom are dear friends to this day. I certainly prefer to have my own space but should I have to go back to that situation I know that not only is it not a failure, life-long benefits can flow. My furniture then consisted of dirt cheap, used, re-purposed, and found items. Again, I was happy to graduate to a stage where at least I could purchase relatively inexpensive or used furniture that is well built and matches, the creative challenge of making my motley collection look cute and cohesive and learning the fix-it skills to keep things from crumbling apart, literally, generated not only fond memories but useful ones, as well. Covering a $3 table with an endless array of free or nearly free pieces of fabric and using it in beautiful decorative and functional ways for more than a decade until that table finally gave up the ghost after I dropped my hard-haggled-for mattress on it while giving it a turn - absolutely a success and full of win. And don't get me started on my mad skills in doctoring up a pack of ramen and eating for less that a buck. It might not be pretty but it if it means surviving I'll see it as success and not a failure because I'm reduced to eating a frat house staple.
Although it wasn't always easy and in fact was often difficult and hard in many ways, I look back at that time of my life much like stories you sometime hear of children who grew up poor but never felt it or knew it because they were surrounded by love and support, their basic needs were met and boundless imagination makes play simple and joyful. Similarly, I often hear people say today that despite losing a home or job those are not indicators of success and that they have family and friends who remain meaning that they have not failed, ultimately.
Living barely above the point where a single adult qualifies for food stamps could feel like a failure to many. Why hadn't I reached the stage where, like some of my classmates, I had earned a decent living prior to returning to graduate school and had a home already set up so I could focus on my studies? I've had well-paid executive jobs before risking becoming an entrepreneur - if the economy pushes
