Lessons in Humility
By Oregon Wildflower on April 16, 2011
Lessons in Humility
Bear and I are learning lessons of Humility. We have had the rug pulled out from under our feet, and have landed sorely on our asses. It happens. Our lives have been spent trying to be the best son and daughter we can be. Neither of us have ever wanted to ask our parents for anything. Bear’s reasoning lay along the lines of having an abusive father, and a mother who unfortunately has spent a lot of time and resources trying to save her other two children. Mine along the lines of having poor, but selfless parents. I knew my parents would help, but always felt guilty for asking. Both of us have worked so hard to do things on our own, and to be independent. We ran ourselves into the ground, knocked ourselves to our knees, before we could lay aside our own pride and guilt, and come to terms with the fact that we needed help.
Looking back now, it all seems pretty silly. Our lack of communication, and our reluctance to accept help, did nothing for us, and nothing for our parents. At first it was depressing as hell to be living in an RV in my parents’ driveway, but now it doesn’t seem so bad. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not where I want to be, but now I realize how important it has been in my life, and I know now that Bear and I are on the right track. We’re on the road to a better life, and it feels amazing.
Since the day I graduated High School, I have been trying to get out on my own. But instead of learning how to properly manage my money, and save money, I decided that I would rather live a softly cushioned life with little extras all the time, instead of living super broke for a while, and having nice things later. I always thought it made me happy, but it didn’t, not really. Bear and I lived out of my SUV for almost a year. That was our first year together. He tells me I came into his life “when shit hit the fan”, and that if I could make it through that with him, that we could make it through anything together. We sure have been through a lot together; His brother’s heroine addiction that lead to many fights, theft, and even an attempt at Sterling’s life, living at his mother’s house (which was INSANE), Sterling’s intimacy disorder issues, stemmed from his promiscuous father and his lesbian mother, living in our first apartment together (I had never lived in town!), working opposite schedules, gaining new roommates, moving to a house with the new roommates (who ended up stealing money and objects and creating a huge web of drama around them, getting new roommates, changing jobs, bills going to debt, etc. this house was BAD!), and living back at my parents house. And that just skims the surface. We had all of the regular relationship issues. I swear, if Sterling and I had not had such a strong friendship, and so much love for each other, we never would have made it through.
Bear and I have so much in common, in so many ways. Both of us struggle with anxiety, and have let that run our lives, in more ways than we even realized. It has held us back for so long, and even though we haven’t just snapped our fingers and magically made the problem go away, we have now realized just how much we have let it control our lives, and I believe that brings us one step closer to being free of it. Instead of doing things the “easy” way, the way we don’t get stressed out and anxious about, we do things the right way. We are fixing the problems in our lives so that we can get married, free of debt and hindrance, and live the lives that we want, and that we want for our future children.
Our “Get Our Lives On Track Again” List looks a little something like this”
1. Ask parents for help.
2. Accept the help our parents want to give us.
3. Learn what we fucked up in the first place so we can fix it.
4. Get OW a running, reliable vehicle.
5. Get Bear a running, reliable vehicle.
6. Learn how to manage our money
7. Make a proper budget.
8. Learn how to save money.
9. Pay off debt
10. Find a house to live at that will accept our large, gangly, 80lb 9 month old German Shepherd puppy… and a cat… and our crappy credit.
11. Stick to our budget.
12. Save money.
13. Get MARRIED! J
As far as I’m concerned, we’re doing pretty well! I’m just thrilled that we’re getting ourselves back on track. And felt like sharing J
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