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AV Flox is a Peruvian transplant living in Los Angeles. She is the editrix-in-command of Sex and the 405, a site that shows you what your newspaper w...
 
 
 
 

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Let A 13-Year-Old Explain Why Shaming Promiscuity Is Wrong

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Margo Fortier, who goes by the username astrorice, has been on YouTube for almost three years. In that time, the 14-year-old has amassed over three thousand subscribers and over half a million channel views. Last year, she celebrated her two-year anniversary on the popular video-sharing network by doing a video on a different topic that matters to her, every day for seven days.

The first topic she tackled was "slut-shaming." Despite being only 13 at the time she made the video and not sexually active, the views expressed by the young YouTuber turned the four-minute monologue into an internet sensation, amassing 4,494 comments and 416,385 video views.

This is her video. A full transcript appears below.

Today's topic: "slut-shaming" and why it's wrong. So first off, what the hell is "slut-shaming"? Slut-shaming is the unfortunate phenomenon in which people degrade or mock a woman because she dresses in tight or revealing clothing, enjoys sex, has sex a lot, or may even just be rumored to participate in sexual activity. The message that slut-shaming sends to women is that sex is bad, having sex with more than one person is horrible, and everyone will hate you for having sex at all.

That message is complete and utter -- excuse my French -- bullshit! Yes, I'm thirteen and I said the word "bullshit." Yes, I'm thirteen and I'm talking about slut-shaming. Deal with it. Anyway, if you've given your consent, if you're emotionally and physically ready for it, if you're using proper protection, and if you feel safe and comfortable with your partner, then sex is good. It is nobody's business but your own how many people you're having sex with or how much sex you have. And you don't deserve to be hated on for being sexually active with more than one partner.

Slut-shaming also contributes to rape culture / rape-supportive culture. Rape culture is a culture in which sexual violence against women is commonplace and in which prevalent attitudes tolerate said sexual violence. Slut-shaming contributes to this by sending the message that it's okay to rape "sluts" because by having too much sex or dressing in tight or revealing clothing, they're somehow "asking for it."

Rape is caused by rapists, misogyny, structural violence and institutional tolerance. Not by women's clothing or makeup, not the way she talks or walks, not by her drinking, not by her "not being careful enough," and certainly not by her being a "slut."

Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis said: "Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for work or pleasure."

Slut-shaming takes away women's rights to express themselves sexually without fear of being scrutinized by men and other women and it objectifies women's bodies. What I'm getting at here is that slut-shaming is wrong at any age. I'm noticing a lot of other girls my age starting to say it and it just shocks me every time. How could they use such offensive language in such a casual manner?

It's like they don't even know the meaning behind their words. And that's the thing -- they don't know. So if you're watching this and know somebody who slut-shames, pass this video along. They could learn something. I mean, it might not work, but how awesome would it be to change the opinion of even just one person? Simple actions can have the biggest impact.

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Just_Margaret 13 pts

What an incredible young woman. And my guess is that she has pretty impressive parents as well. Having open and frank discussion in the home about sexuality, societal expectations for men and women and social mores in general is crucial if we are to raise a generation that rejects misogyny. My guess is that this young woman has that kind of support and guidance from the adults in her life, which to me, serves to inform her mature and thoughtful perspective. Thanks so much for sharing this!

Reda 137 pts

This kid is one smart cookie......a very intelligent caring kind, smart cookie.

writeandchange 9 pts

Wise words indeed. It's horrifying how the way a woman dresses can still come up as evidence against her at rape trials. Even if you think a certain way of dressing is inappropriate, since when is the 'punishment' for inappropriate dress sense a brutal rape.

Kaitlyn S C Hatch 6 pts

This is why I say wisdom is not about how many years you have lived but how many lessons you have learned. Wise words from an observant young woman. 

Rachel Medanic 5 pts

You are SO right! This is something that is everywhere! I finally figured out (without Googling) this weekend what a rap artist was saying in a song I like (phrase I never figured out) and it was slut-shame. (This was before I read your post) and I felt sad, wronged, like spending the money for the album was something I shouldn't have done because I didn't want to support an artist who so easily threw this into a song (not talking about the artists who have a stream of language in their music that are misogynistic and generally violent nearly the whole song)!

 

Thank you for speaking up about this and being so articulate! The only thing I might add (and I've caught myself here- bad me!) is- you are a very perceptive young lady but in noting your age, some in our culture will write you off. The commenters below use it as compliment but beware those who'll patronize you for it! Hopefully your peers will not. Beware the ageism, it is a last defense of those ignorant who don't want women to have power in our culture. May you always find allies to wield your voice in making our world a better, more loving place for all of us!

 

Cheers,

Rachel

http://vampituity.blogspot.com

jillicious 10 pts

Very good!  Could not have said it better myself!

kikimojo 16 pts

***And I also meant to include young men in there as well in terms of not being ready at 13.  

kikimojo 16 pts

She has a lot of wisdom and seems articulate beyond her years.  BUT.  It's really hard to hear a 13-year-old talk about being emotionally ready for sex (even though she was not necessarily talking about herself, she did mention other peers at school where this phenomenon takes place), because I just don't (and won't) buy that.  I definitely agree with her points dealing with the way this undermines women in a number of ways, but despite her maturity there, I am sad that this is even a conversation we are having, that girls that young ARE engaging in sex, EVEN if it's consensual and fits the things on her list.  I don't believe in slut-shaming either, but I feel like maybe there is some other way to reach out to girls that young who may be engaging in one or multiple partners, believing they are physically and emotionally ready.

the.me.i.be 29 pts

O boy... out of the mouths of babes... it's encouraging that, in a society where petty housewife reality tv melodrama is the order of the day, a 13 year old is capable of this kind of depth & insight. Bravo.

Conversation from Facebook

Polish Mama on the Prairie
Polish Mama on the Prairie

I want to like the 13yearold's opinion, but I'm still confused what exactly "slut shaming" is, since I don't think that "being in charge of your sexual life" is the same thing as sleeping with your best friend's husband, putting naked photos of yourself on facebook, sleeping with a new person every weekend, etc. People who engage in such behaviour have issues that they need to address and, no they don't deserve to be raped. But that doesn't mean I should be guilt tripped into being bff with a woman OR a man who exhibits such dangerous behaviour (and by dangerous, I don't mean, evokes being raped, I mean, std risks, etc.).

Jill Mckenzie
Jill Mckenzie

The problem with getting the 'wrong' kind of attention so to speak is it draws the interest a little wrong. Dress style alone does not account or necessarily describe the issue..it is screwing your best friends fiance on the night before the wedding, being abusive and self centered to other women etc. Engaging in behavior that is sociopath..destructive to others is the issue. If you are around young boys who have control issues sometimes it is just inconsiderate.

Cyn Stern
Cyn Stern

I was just thinking the same things, with regard to her level of maturity and her exceptional articulateness.

Mandy Walker
Mandy Walker

Wow! Amzingly articulate for her age and a good lesson for all of us.

Ibebloggen
Ibebloggen

Wow. That is amazing, good for her!

Leah Oviedo
Leah Oviedo

That is awesome. Is she really 13? What a clever young woman. It took me years longer to even really think about what she preaches. There is still so much hatred of women in this world from centuries of patriarchal rule that it surprises me when I do hear this sort of talk. Kudos to her for having the guts and the brains to say this all out loud.

Alissa Welzel Enders
Alissa Welzel Enders

I can only hope that one day when my son is 13, he will be as mature, well spoken and brave! Bravo!