Sometimes the hardest parenting decisions are the best ones. Sadly, sometimes we have to be mean.

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Sports and Fitness
Sarah and the Goon Squad
Draft Day Suit

I loved this! I yanked my son off the basketball team this year for some foolishness. Talk about a stunned kid. He has turned his behaviour and attitude around 360 degrees. I am not a threatening parent. I mean what I say and I follow through--with all dilberate speed.

Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com
www.lovebabz08.wordpress.com

It's not mean, it's common sense. Behaviors have consequences. Parenting isn't a popularity contest, and it's not allowing the child to decide what is best. It's teaching a child how to make good decisions and choices and what happens when a bad decision is made. I had to do the hard things myself while raising five sons, and it was not easy.

I remember a particularly difficult period with one of my sons--we ended up getting him a job where we worked, and he had to spend every waking moment that summer in our company. It wasn't fun at first, but in the end we all understood each other better, and renewed the trust that had been lost because of his behavior. Now he's a First Sargeant in the Army, serving a third tour in Iraq.

Parenting means making sure that throughout a difficult period the child knows they are well-loved and valued. Discipline without understanding will cause resentment. Parents walk a fine line, and we make a lot of mistakes.

By trying to do what we thing is best and letting our children know that what we do is from love and not from vengeance, we come closest to achieving what we all want for our children--a safe, happy, loving childhood. Not perhaps a childhood that is perfect, but one filled with adventure, a few mishaps, and joy.

In the end, our goal should be to raise children who understand the difference between right and wrong, are secure in the knowledge that they are loved and that their parents care enough to try.

Granny Sue
Stories from the Mountains and Beyond
www.grannysu.blogspot.com
susannaholstein@yahoo.com

I just wrote about my son telling me I'm not just mean, I'm super, SUPER mean. I was told by other mothers that when your kid says that to you, you know you're doing something right. Amen.

http://sistersofadifferentorder.blogspot.com/

Check out this video of a boy who needs to have some "Mean Mommy" treatment.

http://3boysundermyroof.blogspot.com/2008/01/be-afraid-be-very-afraid.ht...

Heather Stork

/cheer

Is a word my nephew has heard more times than he cares to count. My goal is in 10 years he says to his buddies "Dude, that's nothing, we can deal with that, when I was a teenager my uncle did ...".

Jim Heivilin

My five year old already thinks I'm mean! Of course, he already thinks he's a teenager :-)

Thanks for posting the link to Julie Clark/Ask Mean Mom site! I just read her site and love it. I liked this quote from her article on the Iowa mom selling her son's car: "Isn't it amazing that an act of responsible parenting is so newsworthy that it is carried on all of the TV stations and written about in newspapers? If responsible parenting is so newsworthy, that should tell us something about the state of parenting today."

I also enjoyed her parenting quote for today: "No" is not a four-letter word.

I have a 2.5 year old and I am going to read all of the "mean mom" blogs that I can find!!

Jane is a DJ at the local (Fort Dodge) rock radio station. I'll bet her kid thought she was a "cool mom" before this.

We've been discussing this a lot lately. My BFF Bettina took all her son's Christmas presents back to the stores when he was 10 years old after he wouldn't stop throwing his ball in the house and finally broke something. At 6'1", when she says something, you'd better listen!

Bought my daughter a brand new car when she turned 16 (I do not recommend this!) All I asked is that she take care of it, regular oil changes, etc. One day she came home from college and said something was wrong with her car. I asked her how long the oil light had been on and she started screaming about how unfair it was to expect her to change the oil and that it was an unrealistic condition of having the car. I took her car keys and told her she had one week to apologize for the way she was speaking to me or I was getting rid of the car.
One week later the car was gone.
You can bet the other kids took better car of their cars!

There is something very encouraging to know that in this day of Paris/Britney/Lindsay there are other moms out there who aren't afraid to get "mean". Good for you.

Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer
www.rocksinmydryer.typepad.com
www.bloggygiveaways.com

I haven't been a "mean mom" yet, Dawson is only three, but I know someday soon I'll hear the words, "You're so MEAN!"

It's inspiring to see these parents standing firm and setting examples for other parents who may need some help in tough situations.

When my kids get angry at something I've done ... and they yell "You're MEAN!" I smile at them and say, "No, I'm the MEANEST!"

They always huff and stomp off.

Someday they'll thank me for it.

:)

My problem with this story and ones like it -- -the mom who made her daughter wear a billboard in front of her school -- that she was a liar or something like that -- is that its like a public spanking and it seems to me that we stopped doing that as a society some time ago.

If she told her son ahead of time that she would sell the car if she found any alcohol in the car then of course that is what she had to do.

I just would not have made that threat. I may have taken the car away for a month or so but I would not have sold the car.

To me it was always important for my kids to know that they could mess up, pay the consequences and then re-earn the privilege they lost.

And I definitely would not have humiliated my child but advertising why they lost their car.

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

i applaud this parent (and others) for taking a stand with their kids. these days i feel kids have gotten FAAAAAAAAAR too much leeway. we allow them TOO many opportunities to "learn from their mistakes" and that translates into kids who feel they can do anything they want, go on punishment for 2 weeks, and continue on as if nothing has happened.

everyday i encounter my students, many of which have absentee and/or overly permissive parents, and have to deal with their outrageous behavior. many of my students are headed nowhere FAST if they don't get some strong parental/adult guidance, and that's a sad revelation considering i teach 7th & 8th grade.

hell...i'd put out a want ad, press release, and hire a sky writer if i felt like it would help my students! Lord knows they need it.
~~
Gimme Love: http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com

My five year old is always asking me why I like to make her so miserable. I remind her that she wouldn't be miserable if she didn't disobey, but she never seems satisfied with that answer! :o)

~Amy
Memoirs of a Mommy

My job is not to be my kids best friend when they are growing up and that means sometimes I am unpopular! But when I have an adult who can function in society I have done my job and THEN we can be friends.

Deb at Three Weddings
http://weddingsx3.blogspot.com/

I absolutely LOVE this post and the support.

I remember when my oldest told me he hated me and I told him that he didn't have to like me but I was just doing my job - I was sending him to his room to do something. Of course it hurt to HEAR those words, but I knew I was doing the right thing at the time.

Being a parent is hard but feeling guilt over not doing what you have to do and seeing the consequences of being squeamish will be much harder.

Thank you!

Jill
Writes Like She Talks

I just posted a funny story about my 3 year old and his thoughts on me being a mean mommy today. Then I read this today! Crazy. It was encouraging to say the least. Someone once told me that if your kids call you a mean mom then you must be doing something right. Hmmm, something to think about.

My kids even bought me a plague that talks about Mean Moms.

We believe in natural and logical consequences.

I am the mom who went to school with her 7th grader for 3 weeks because I didn't like her attitude.
I am the mom who took oldest DD's bedroom door off the hinges because she slammed it one too many times.
I am the mom who canceled youngest DD's school trip to France 10 days before she was due to leave because I found out she'd been lying to us about a dent in her sister's car.

My last mean mom act was this past July and was to NOT go home to find youngest DD's shoes an hour before her wedding. Her godmother and I had spent 3 days asking her if she had everything we needed to take to the church in the (14) piles she'd scattered around my home. Guess who got married in her bare feet?

Now that our kids are grown I pick on the teens I work with each day.

I have a sign in my school office that says: Attention Teenagers. No is a complete sentence.

The kids mostly don't get it but the adults always laugh and agree when they see it.

To quote my plaque...The world doesn't need a good nickel cigar. What the world needs is MORE MEAN MOMS.

Mean Moms of the World Unite.
Kathy of the HavinsNest

I am not currently a mom, but plan to be in the near future. However, I'm a 6th grade science teacher and I LOVE mean moms!!! I have one parent who attends all classes with her son every other Wednesday until he brings his grade up. Others who take away Wiis and Playstations when grades drop too low....I LOVE them because they make my job so much easier.
I can't begin to explain how difficult it is to teach a kid responsibility and consequences for actions when they aren't receiving those at home...so thank you mean moms - I intend to be one myself!!!

Jules

I noticed that I was getting a lot of hits suddenly, and many of them are coming from this blog...thanks! And thanks to Shannon for mentioning me and my website!

I've enjoyed reading the comments here. Mean moms rock and rule!

Julie,
The real mean mom!
http://www.AskMeanMom.com

Hey Shannon,

I've often mused that "Mom" stood for "mean old mother"; today I wrote about something that happened in our family over the weekend, that required me to hold to some consequences that lead into this week.

When I was reading comments just now on the post, I remember this post and thought I'd come back and share my link.

Consistency...follow-through...are two of the most difficult goals in parenting to me.

I love being in the "M.O.M." Club....it ain't for sissies! :)

"When the Punishment Fits the Crime"

Two nights ago I asked my girls 10 & 13 to unload the dishwasher. The 10 year old got it done (with minimal nagging), but the 13 year old procrastinated. I am SOOOOO tired of the normally obedient child and her "teenage" attitude and responsiveness. So this time I made the punishment fit the crime. When she came downstairs (1/2 hour after I called her) to unload her 1/2 of the dishwasher (she splits the duty with her sister) I also made her load it. She protested, even produced a tear or two, but I was stubborn and made her do it. (Not that I'll tell her, but after she went to bed, I re-arranged it to fit better.) Hopefully, she'll be more responsive to my requests next time!

I was just informed as I was trying to read this post that I am the "meanest mom" by my four year old. I'm sure she is really a 13 year old in disguise.

redheadshesaid
http://redheadranting.blogspot.com/

If I've heard it once, I've heard it 20 times this weekend from my 8-year old. Mean when I say dinner before desert, mean when I say pick up your things before using the computer, mean when I say no, we can't afford that.

I know I'm doing something right. But you know what else? I told him I don't like to hear that I'm mean. It isn't respectful.

Yeah, I'm mean alright. I'm so mean that I want my kids to grow up to be responsible for what they say and do. I want people to like them. Heck, I want to like them.

Color me mean.

(When I'm not using other parenting techniques, like positive reinforcement, catching them doing something right.)

Polly Poorhouse

http://economiccrunch.blogger.com