Let's make it all about TRUST..and honesty

 

Do I trust my memory? You know it! I trust it implicitly. My long term memory that is. The memory that includes my life from about 2 years old to about 45 years old. I am almost 52 so the last 6+ years have been partially blurred and perhaps forgotten in big chunks.

Maybe it's all the surgeries. Maybe it's the alcohol? Maybe it's because my life moves pretty fast...<-----I sound like Ferris Bueller....

I am a fan of trust. I do not have trust issues. If you demonstrate your trustworthiness to me, it will be locked in and that is the end. However, once you show me that you can NOT be trusted, well, you may as well disappear from my life. Yep, it's like that. I am not a big "forgiver". That is for God, the universe, and the higher powers that be. I aint got time for that.....

I am not referring to some indiscretions that are easily forgiven and forgotten, I am talking about BIG TIME, you broke my trust mother fucker, now leave...stuff.   Do you feel me?

I am married to an honest man. So honest that he is transparent. It is a good thing. It can be a bit too "good" when I have to endure his stories with graphic details about his escapades with his friends and all of the crazy crap they think of and then actually do. I am the wife that hears all about it. Now the additional down side of this brutal honesty is that he is also incapable of keeping a secret or planning a surprise. This is a bit annoying. Especially now that we have children. But in the big scheme of life, I can deal with his OPENESS.

I dated a liar. He lied so easily that it was admirable. I mean he redefined the "truth" in such a way that I felt like I was living in quicksand on most days. I became so accustomed to hearing his lies that I never did recognize the truth. The truth was he was a liar. Big Liar. I did some research on him about 8 years ago and found out he was a practicing attorney and he defrauded his clients and was disbarred. Yes, he lied till it did him in. Charming human being right there my friends.   

When I was little I lied. I had my mouth washed out with soap so many times for telling lies. Nowadays I tell my girls that lies burn. They burn your tongue and they burn the ears of those that hear your lies. I have said many times that the words that come out of your mouth are known to be true by only two...you and God. If you are ok with God hearing your words than I am ok with your words. It is a powerful tool. You know the implied threat of going to hell. I suck. I know.

My blog is fully honest.  I really have no secrets. My memories are vivid and many are ugly. I trust my memories to be accurate and therefore I blog all about them. As a way to exorcise demons, express emotions I could not get out as a child, and as a way to heal.  Without this blog, I think I would be a very sad person. I would carry a heavy load. The memories I keep are frightful and dumping them out on this blog is an act of kindness. Kindness to me. Plus...it's FREE. I have spent a king's ransom on therapy and some of the tools I gained have allowed me to be fully honest about what I remember. But for the most part, my healing happens here. On the page. Written or typed, this blog has been a therapeutic lifesaver for me.

Honestly.

Truly.

For Realsies.

Thank you for letting me "work it out" while you all share the journey and support my path. At least that is how I feel. I hope it's the truth.

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