I've always been a day late and a buck short, but regardless I am going to follow in the footsteps of the other woman bloggers and write about a topic that shouldn't be uncomfortable to blog about, but for some reason it is.

S-E-X

*GASP!* Oh yes, I AM going there. As SV Mom said yesterday, "We've all had it. (C'mon, we're parents!)". So why is something so common and so wonderful so "hush hush"? Well yesterday they banded together to discuss this topic that is normally avoided. Personally I wish it was something people talked about more often. I think we'd have less issues with teen pregnancy, a better handle on STDs, and a community that understands each other better if we were more open discussing these topics. There are plenty of ways to discuss this, So even though I am a day late... here is my light hearted contribution to the cause.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a romance novel where the leading couple has hot steamy sex on the beach, in the shower, out in the rain, or some place like that? Have you ever sat there and thought to yourself "that looks so romantic! I wish I could do something like that! Maybe next time we are on vacation..."

*SLAP!*

I'm sorry for slapping you, but that was my attempt at waking you up and taking you out of the delusion that books and movies leave us with. Why do so many people try to romanticize this kind of sex? I don't know about you, but I've tried a few of these locations myself, and romantic was not the feeling I was left with. To be honest with you cold, itchy, and pain are the first feelings that spring to mind.

Take for example sex in the shower. Unless you have one of those fancy smancy showers that has a bunch of different shower heads spraying out warm water from every direction, sex in the shower ALWAYS results in one person being cold. If you are like most people your shower has 1 shower head, and it's built for 1 person, not two. So one lucky person gets to stand under the warm water, nice and cozy, while the other person has their butt pressed up against freezing cold tile with indirect, cooler water splashing into their face. If you wear contacts like I do, and you forget to take them out, don't expect your love romp to last long. Pretty soon you'll be naked and shivering in front of the bathroom mirror while trying to pry your contact out of your eye. And this doesn't even take into account the danger that is involved in shower sex. Let's face it, a shower is really a smooth surface that turns into a luge once you add water and soap. If you lose your concentration, your footing or your balance, even for a moment - next thing you know you are slipping and falling, trying to grab onto anything within reach. If you have my luck you'll grab that little towel bar on the back wall, it'll snap, and not only will you fall, but you'll fall while holding a jagged piece of metal in your hands. Yes, this actually happened to me - just ask my husband.

Then there is this whole sex on the beach concept. Apparently it's supposed to be so wonderful that they even named a drink after it. While it may be a fantastic drink, sex on the beach in all actuality is NOT FUN. I've done this ONCE in my life and let me tell you, once was more than enough. You think you get sand in every crease and crevice when you visit a beach to go swimming? Well just imagine what happens when you are naked and rolling around in the stuff. Talk about a whole body exfoliation.... YIKES!. Yeah to put it nicely, there are just some parts of the human body that should NOT be exfoliated. And the sand, as bad as it is, isn't the worst part of the beach. Have you ever stopped and taken a good look at what's actually on a beach? Bits and pieces of garbage, beer caps, sharp pieces of shell, twigs, seaweed, dead fish, bugs,... the list goes on and on. Trust me, the romance ends real quick when you roll over and get a beer cap up your ass. Yes, this actually happened to me too - don't bother to ask my husband, it was before his time and it might make him grumpy.

Now don't get me wrong, just becuase I've had some bad experiences doesn't mean I'm not an adventurous gal. I'm certainly not chained to the bedroom. But it is because of my adventurous side that I can tell you with all honesty that some things just don't work. The good thing I learn from my mistakes. There ARE ways to make areas like the shower work. I'm not going to lie to you thought. It's far from my favorite intimate place. I still have the fear of ending up in the next day's headlines under "Woman impales herself with towel rack in a strange shower related accident".

The important thing to know is there's nothing wrong with trying out something new or different... but before you do remember... life is never like the movies.

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