I wanted to participate in the "Letter to my body" project but my blog is open to invited readers only (to keep out snoopy relatives). I posted the letter on my blog anyways but I also wanted to post it here.

Dear Body,

I don’t know how to put this without sounding accusatory but… we have been trying to conceive for going on 3 years now, and while I know that the sperm quality that we have been given is not good, I just can’t help but wonder if you’re maybe being a little too picky? I mean, there is still a small quantity of sperm that is perfectly viable and I just don’t see why in the 3 years that we’ve been trying that you haven’t been able to accept just ONE good one. We all know that “it only takes one”.

I know you didn’t take kindly to the round of IVF that we did last year but you really forced my hand on that. Believe me, I would have preferred to NOT have spent $10,000 on something that other couples can achieve so easily and without any medical assistance. I hope you realize that I felt as much distain for the process as you did. But did you know that if you could have just held on to those embryos back then, that we wouldn’t be gearing up to do this over again?

Yes, that’s right - I’m warning you now - we’re doing it again. Come on, you know me better than that! I don’t give up so easily. And you should know that if you don’t play along this time I’m prepared to put us through this yet again. I don’t want to, but I will. So it might be in your best interest to just give up your big anti-pregnancy crusade and let at least one embryo nestle in.

Now, it isn’t easy for me to admit but I know I haven’t always been good to you. Lord only knows how many times I’ve forced you into a nasty hangover (believe me, I didn’t enjoy those any more than you did). And yes, I’ve made some questionable decisions in my younger years that have affected us both adversely. I know you have never forgotten certain things and I can’t help but feel like you’re maybe holding a grudge against me. Please know that I regret those things deeply and if I could take them back, I would. There are a lot of things that I haven’t done right in the past but I think you’ve made your point. Can’t we just move on? You can see that I have done a lot in the past few years to improve on our relationship and get us more in tune with each other. I think you would have to admit that I’ve been treating you pretty well over the past few years. (Other bodies might even be envious of you??)

So do you think you could just drop whatever grudge it is that you’re carrying now and can we try to work together at making our second attempt at IVF successful? I’ve certainly taken steps to make it better for us this time. I promise to not get so stressed out this time and I plan on getting much more rest as well. I’ll do everything I can to make it easier for you. All you have to do is let at least one embryo nestle in to stay for 9 months. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Truce?

Much love,

Tara

(for an invite to my blog email me at mmtsgr@gmail.com)