I'm a lot like Zan. I've never hated my body, either. My under-eating wasn't related to body image or any negative self esteem or self harm. I just didn't spend a lot of time thinking about my body and what it needed. I took it for granted that I was fit and healthy and that was that.

I've come to terms with the fact that my under eating, due to my overwhelming need to take care of everyone else, work-aholic tendencies, and never putting myself first, was a bad idea. I'm still too busy taking care of other people, too busy working, and I rarely put myself first. But at least now I eat pretty regularly. Most of the time. If I remember. Or if TW remembers to feed me.

Once an under eater, always an under eater or at least always a potential under eater. It's a problem. It's a big problem when you've got children who notice your eating patterns. Or when your children have to remind you that they expect food, regularly. I am good at forgetting other people expect to eat.

After reading all 244 posts that have been contributed to this Letter to My Body event, I still can't write my own letter. I have absolutely no idea what to say. None.

Zan sent me some quotes from the letters submitted over the last two weeks. There weren't many but they were all good, all inspiring, and all insightful in different ways.

Mommyto5 is proud of her curves, and is lucky enough to have found someone who appreciates them just as much as she does.

So I ventured into this conversation with a really spectacular man who I've been getting to know. I think it's called dating. He's straight up with what he says, which I love. As much as women love to be told they look great, we'd like to hear the truth. He discussed curves with me on the phone last night. I spoke of my dislike for the extra 10 pounds. In the end, he told me that curves are spectacular and looking like a starving waif is not a look that's appealing to any man. Who knew. I wasn't going for the flat tummy and six pack abs, but I didn't realize the way I look was appealing to a man who just happens to look ultra marvelous. [...]

Dominika Picco wrote a letter to her muffin top. Zan liked this one because it sounded very empowering. After talking about the lengths she's gone through to hide her muffin top, she sounds like she's now ready to accept it.

But my best weapon, one that will lay you flat, is that you, my friend, are going to find acceptance. You are about to be evicted in the best way a woman knows how. That’s right. You will be taken in, by the community of women, who simply haven’t got the time to worry about you. You’ll be neutralized, stopped by the knowledge that a body changes with time, and grows beautiful with each step of the journey.

Nancy at Virtuality wrote very open and honestly, acknowledging that writing a letter to her body was "beyond difficult."

I want to thank you for being so resilient, for all the pleasures you have allowed me to experience. Thank you for the perfect timing of the ovulation that allowed me to become mother to the most wonderful baby in the world now grown to most wonderful young woman in the world. Thank you for becoming strong enough for me to lift my mother during her last days as I cared for her, that ability allowed me to have the time with her to truly understand forgiveness and experience love for and from her. [...]

LP Skater wrote to her body from a teenager's perspective, but it's a good example of how early our body image can start to affect us.

I find it hard to remember this last truth, but it is what I should think always. My legs are strong enough to skate REALLY well and do several sports, My arms can help me lift myself in the air for figure skating jumps, do push ups ,and other wonderful things. And though I may not have a carved out a coveted six-pack (yet!) I have a strong core and can do many things others can't. So this is truly a blessing. [...]

As I click around all of the "Mr Linky's", revisiting these letters, I wonder if I'm trying too hard. I wonder if I'll wake up some day and immediately just know what a Letter to "My" Body should say. I'm looking forward to that day and also dreading it.

How about you? Have you written your letter? Are you like me and still struggling with what to say and how to say it?

~~Denise
Flamingo House Happenings