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Dear Heart,
What have you learned in the past 34 years? Specifically, the last ten, since you've been with That Man You Married? You've learned love is not for pussies. Love is not for the weak.
I know, growing up you watched all the Hallmark movies and fawned over The Princess Bride, especially that part where Wesley says "As you wish" and it really means "I love you." I know you heard many men say things that you imagined were code for "I love you," and you heard a lot of boys say "I love you" when they really meant "as you wish." You believed them so much that you grew to think love meant a stirring longing in the groin and in the gut, love meant pain and separation, love meant sacrifice. Then you met your husband, and at first you weren't sure if you loved him because it didn't hurt enough to do so.
But then life intervened, and my husband and I, who met in our mid-twenties, had to grow up in some ways. We bought a house, we combined finances, we struggled through issues only the two of us know. We adopted cats and brought a child into the world, and you struggled with that, how to maintain your individuality, how to build a strong family, how to insulate our attic. You gave into life's responsibilities for a while, and heart, why didn't you fight harder then? Why didn't you stand up and shake your fist at me and say, "I still matter"? Why did you let me put financial fears and career headaches and parental responsibilities ahead of you? Damn it, heart, why did you abandon your post?
Because you know, heart, you're my best friend. I like my mind okay, but heart, you've led me down every path I've gone. I trust you. I love you best of all the parts of me. You're the part who's always inserted the raw strength into my system when I needed it most, when I was ready to run or quit or hide. You're the one who knows what I really want and knows how hard the road will be. You alone are up to the challenge. I need you, heart.
You came surging back last year, though. You finally stood up and clambered in your old way for attention. You reached out for his heart, and the two of you led my husband and me away from all the responsibility garbage that had so cluttered our lives that we couldn't see straight anymore. You reminded us why we got together in the first place. You reminded us love is the road, not the Emerald City. There is no destination, shouldn't be.
So heart, don't hide when things get rough. Love is for the strong, and I am not strong without you.
