A Letter to The Treadmill

Dear Tready,

Oh my dearest Tready, I really want to take the time to thank you, thank you for all you do for me, for my body and my mind. I want to thank you for challenging me on the days I want to take the risk, pushing me when I need to be pushed,and I want to thank you for giving me a warm treadmill hug on the days I need to take it easy. Also, thank you for taking my abuse, especially on the days I really f%^K with you - you know those dreaded interval training days - fast, slow, fast, slow, I have to imagine you must hate me on those days.

I'm sorry that you get abused by other lovers; that they never wipe you down after they sneeze their boogers, drip sweat all over your lovely arms, stick their gum, and wrappers in your pockets and never take care of you the way they should. I try to show them way but you know, some people are just slobs. But I'll always take care of you, love you, clean you the way you so deserve.

And I'm sorry that some days I really hate you. Like really hate you, like pull the plug on you hate you. I hate your silly buttons, the stupid pre-programmed training sets-do people really use them? And I really, really hate your fricking safety cord that pulls out almost every time I'm with you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I curse the crap out of you, but I can't help myself, when that cord goes flying in my face and you stop dead; I get upset. I get really upset when I forget the distance and time I accomplished, so the F bomb will fly, oh it fly! Because dear Tready for an average or perhaps below average runner those stats are crucial to my self-esteem and running ego. Please work on that.

As much as I hate climbing on your back, Tready I do have a deep love for you. I love you for always being there for me without fail, for never standing me up ever, I love you for helping me achieve my running goals. I love you for helping me lose my 58 pounds, for helping my ass not be a pancake, keeping my mind sharp, my legs strong and my heart healthy. I love you, I love, you, I love you.

Thank you Tready, my dear love, thank you.




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